As a Woman Thinketh
Some say a good man is hard to find. While others believe that all men are dogs. But which statement is true. Meet Samuel who is defined as 'too good to be true' and you be the judge.
Meet Samuel: excerpt from Praise Your Way Through My manhood had a mind of its own, so I knew what I needed to do. I ran. I ran as far away as I could from Tamara praying the whole time. I prayed all the way to my car, while I was driving inside the car and as I was walking into the house.
"Father, please help me to maintain power over my sexual appetite. I feel myself losing control. I don't want to fall...again. Deliver me from the temptation of wanting to please my flesh. Strengthen me, Lord, for I am weak."
It was embarrassing to leave from Tamara's place so abruptly, but I had no other choice. I felt myself slipping. Tamara has such an effect on me. I was really falling for this woman. But I was sincere when I told her that I wanted to take things slow. I didn't want history to repeat itself. What happened between Rachel and me still haunts me, even though it's been over three years ago.
Rachel was the love of my life. We met at a book signing in a local bookstore. We both loved Nikki Giovanni and she was in town promoting her latest book of poetry. I noticed her eyes from across the room. They were a beautiful shade of light brown and so full of life, much like Tamara's. I truly understood the saying "The eyes are the windows of the soul," when I looked at her. Her eyes spoke multitudes and made me want to know her more.
Rachel was the wind beneath my wings. She supported me when I quit my job as Financial Manager with Geico to start my own firm and helped me through the process. She had plenty of contacts and actively dropped my name to a few letting them know there was a new accountant in town and his name was Samuel Roberts. She changed my life in more ways then she could ever imagine. I wanted to make her my wife and partner for life.
But like most relationships, no matter how wonderful, tragedy is bound to happen. During our courtship Rachel became pregnant. I was ecstatic to hear this news and was prepared to marry her. But Rachel had other plans and they didn't include marriage or a child. Without consulting me, she decided to have an abortion. I pleaded with her not to take this drastic step. I even said that I would raise the baby on my own. I tried everything, but in the end against my wishes she terminated the pregnancy. Soon afterwards, she closed the bookstore and left town. I never saw or spoke with her again.
The loss of both my unborn child and Rachel left me devastated. I felt as though my heart was hemorrhaging. I had hit rock bottom and didn't want to go on. My business was failing, some mornings I didn't even bother to go in. I didn't have the strength to face the day. My Rachel was gone. I wasn't sleeping and was at the end of my rope. I was tired of the pain and wanted relief.
One night I was alone in my apartment with nothing, but a bottle of prescription sleeping pills. I was equipped with all that I needed to permanently ease my suffering. But before I could take an action something made me pause. It was coming from the television. I stopped to listen.
It was an evangelist and he said that God loved me. He also said that God had plans for my life. I listened to the remainder of the broadcast and as a result, that night I did die as planned. But it was the old me. I opened my heart and received Christ that night and it was the foundation of my new existence. I invited God into my situation and vowed never to do anything without His guidance.
By no means did I want to go through what I went through with Rachel ever again. The only way I could ensure that was to do things the correct way from the beginning. No sex before marriage, just as God had intended. Though some days were harder than others, but I was committed to my decision. Now if only I could get Tamara there with me.
Iris Celeste is the author of Christian Fiction novel Praise Your Way Through. A story of love, betrayal and forgiveness. Because being saved doesn’t mean being perfect. To read more about the author or order a book visit her website at www.irisceleste.webs.com.