Ben - Solid young goalkeeper, been with the Brit for over 2 seasons now. Has a bright future ahead of him if he can keep himself from getting suspended.Loves a yellow card. Born and raised in the Wakering ghetto, reminiscent of Shay Given.
Danny Tucker - Reliable defender, looks at home in his customary right back position, likes to get forward, finds it hard to get back these days as his getting on a bit. Recently married, still has the hunger and desire to succeed. Been with the team for a number of years now, likes to have a shower with Blakey. Looks like a young Jimmy Hill.
Westy- Signed in the 2nd half of last season and has formed a solid partnership with Spencer at the centre of defence, recently bought himself a new TT so that he could get to games, but it broke down after doing 20 miles. Doing well this season a possibility for player of the year.
Spencer- Tall Lanky Centre back who has the Andy Linighan look about him. Solid figure at the back, safe defending is his forte, good player to have in the team even if he does wear red boots. Recently taken to the booze may have to be sent to Tony Adams Rehab centre.
Woodsy- Versatile defender, been out injured for a while after an operation to remove his ginger hair turned nasty. Excellent at bringing the ball out from the back and always a threat from corners. Likes bed time stories with Will Young. Moving to Australia in December.
Snelly - Signed from hometown club Spartek at start of season, he is a good left back when he turns up. His fashion sense is poor always turning up looking like hes just been to a Take That concert. His big ears help him hover in the air to win headers.
Ad- Has a good left foot, inconsistent performer. Suttons love child, always in his car, lives in the boot. Loves a Spliff. Recently retired!
Blakey- Club Captain, good in the air and always pops up with a goal. Guinea Pig for the Big Yin, loves a little bit of blonde in his hair, a young rod-stewart. Always turns up wrecked after a heavy night out. Good all-rounder.
Vap- Last seasons Players Player of the Year, his favourite player is Didier Deschamps and models himself on him. Labelled the 'water carrier' by his team mates, has illegal springs in his preds and he seems to win everything in the air. Loves to wear chinos and a ralph polo whilst looking cool in storm. Recently been reported that he benched 200k in the virgin gym trying to impress the ladies but eventually dislocated his shoulder. Likes egg chasing. Wanted it to be noted on ths website that he is the original ladies man and he can have any girl that he wants. Has a fondness for attached women and was going to miss an important game to seduce a pretty young lady. On his day there is no better midfelde general than Vap.
Tom- Another new signing this season for the Brit, Tom is a good player with bags of potential, he can play anywhere in Midfield. Wants words with an ex Brit player after discovering that he was dating his ex girlfriend! Wouldnt look out of place if he joined Westlife!
Welcome- Great player with bags of skill, introduced into English football by Paul "Rafa" Sutton left the Brit last season for big guns Bell Sports, unfortunately they were relegated and the release clause in his contract meant that Paul could re-sign the winger on a free transfer, kick him as much as you want but he will give as good as he gets and always get up for more. Has begun the season in fine form scoring 11 goals in his first 7 games.
Brim- Another new signing this season for the Brit, Loves a tackle and is the most fouled player in the league, but this could be because of his antics on the field, He recently told an oppenents keeper "This is what im going to be using on your mum tonight" whilst holding his cock. Brim is already facing a ban and dont be suprised if he receives another couple of red cards in the remainder of the season. He should fit in well with the rest of the lads!
Deano- Attacking midfielder, who can also play as the lone striker. Deano is the modern day Micky Quinn, addicted to fruit machines and has won a estimated £250,000 in his time. It's a lottery if Deano turns up on A Sunday, regularly goes on four day benders. Been picked to go on celebrity fit club after being nominated by the gaffa. Gone AWOL
Scaife- Owns his own Kebab shop and is a ringer for Memhet. Lethal veteran who scores for fun when on his game. Played for the brit for several years and has just celebrated the birth of his new born. Can sometimes lose it and turn into the incredible hulk, currently suspended and the team are missing him. A vital cog in the wheel of the brit machine.
Kyle- Bens little brother, a good prospect for the future, pacey and nimble when going forward. Also part of the wakering massive, following in his brothers footsteps as he recently received his first booking of the season for calling the ref a cunt. Part of the Blazin Sqaud.
Topping-Returned from injury this season and recently had a spat with the management after being dropped the week after scoring a hat trick. It has been explained to him that Paul"Rafa"Sutton is using the rotation policy this season due to the depth of the squad, he finally put his toys back in the pram about 2 weeks later. Ricky can normally be found on a podium or a stage dancing away with a big grin on his face to bit of hard house wearing a string vest. It's a shame as Topping is one of the best forwards to pull on a brit shirt, on his day he has been likened to Peter Crouch. Very fond of his hair and appeared in a vidal sassoon ad.
Adam Blake - Has a peach of a left foot, a little chunkier than his brothers, he can play either in midfield or at left wing back. Now Retired.
Martin Blake - The youngest brother of the Blakey clan, plays off scratch at golf. Martin is also sponsored by the Big Yin, has possibly the most colourful hair cut ever. Loves a slut with big tits, recently been sighted chatting up his older brothers bird in Varsity. Integral part of the seconds and enjoys the banter with the first team. Now left to join Fairfax Rangers as he couldn't break into the brit first team. Still owes the club £8.
Whybrow-Veteran defender currently out with a broken wrist due to much jerking off.
Adam Blake - Has a peach of a left foot, a little chunkier than his brothers, he can play either in midfield or at left wing back. Now Retired.
Isabel-Special mention goes to Paul Suttons wife, who has to put up with all the kit washing and Paul himself.
