If you are a friend of Brad and Esther's, and you have said something ridiculous in our presence, don't be surprised if you find your words published here....
"I've learned a lot sitting next to you Brad"- Graham
"Thanks Graham!" -Brad
"Well actually a lot of it I wish that I hadn't" - Graham
"This is what tramps do!"- Rachel (excited as we were burning wood in a metal bin)
"I had a stone thrown through my window once. I weighed it and it was 600 grams" - Graham
"Brad you can't have beer with alcohol" - Graham (he knows something that I don't)
"Why is Sanna in Italy?... Is she Greek or something?" -Drew
"I don't like just looking at things" - Gemma again
"I hate knowing things" - Gemma
"Stephen you smell nice" - Amanda
"I smell like B O my lady" - Stephen
"Hitler... umm... was he the guy who invented electricity" - member of our cell group
"Only i tell you that I have NEVER cried so many like in this film."- reviewer of a movie that I bought for one of my siblings as a Christmas present
"Hey Brad, do you think that if you left a finger print on a Dairy Lea, they could incriminate you?" - Esther (I don't know what on Earth she was doing with that Dairy Lea)
"The thing that I hate about old people is that they're always going on about the past. That's why I think that we should euthanise them all as soon as they reach 65" - a co-worker of Brad's
"You smile all the time and it ruins all your skills" - Brad to Est
"And are there any exercises to help me open boxes of sausages, which I had difficulty doing this morning?" - you know who you are
"Ooh Mary come and smack my legs, I've missed it" - Gemma (I really have no idea what was going on there)
"If you were male would you go out with me?" - Louisa
"Yeah in an instant" - Gemma
"What about you if you were male... (blank look from Darell) okay well not gay, would you go out with me?" - Louisa
"I can't stand wet food, I only eat dry food, and sometimes I'll have some gravy on it's own" -Gemma
"My mum was boiled in Reading" - A sad tale from Graham
"Where does ham come from (it doesn't come from hamster)?" - Brad
"From Cows!" - Amanda sounding quite proud of herself
"I love watching womens football, but the thing about it is that they have to change all the men's bits to women's bits" - Steven (the room went a bit quiet and he didn't really explain)
"How come I never say things that are funny enough for the quotes page est?" - Brad, realising he is nearing 30, the age when wisdom replaces humour.
"I saw some ducks flying south for winter today, so I said 'Goodbye ducks, see you in 6 months.' It was then that I realised they were flying off with memories of summer, when we see them return it'll be the first sign of hope." - Est in a nostalgic moment.
"The thing that sets my toast appart is my commitment to the edges" - est
"Is that your husband?" - just your average lesbian
"yes." - est
"Do you want to join our all gay football team?"- same lesbian, this time eying esther over with the eye of a farmer at market.
"In my dream I was in Fat Face, they have great clothes in my dream" - Est
"Est you forgot to bring Mario Football home!" - Brad
"Well that was a carnal sin" - Est (not sounding very apologetic)
"I am good at stapling.....I staple a lot of things..." -brad
"So what do you want to be when you grow up?" -est
"That guy who gives out the putters at the golf club" -an ambitious 13 year old we know
"Here's the thing Brad, I really like being thin, but I also really like cake" -Est
"WHO PUT NOAH IN A BOX!" - Anonnomous text
"Old people should be shot at birth!" - Spray painted on a bridge in deepest darkest devonshire (the land of old people, and cream teas)
"Well you know what they say, a problem shared is a friendship ruined" - Est
"..Est, I love looking in the mirror..." -Brad
"If you think playing football is exhausting, try watching it!" -McDonalds on the introduction of a new burger that finally contains all your daily recommended caloric intake in one sitting.
"Oh Brad, all this talk about obesity is making me hungry. Can we have a snack?"-Est
"It's true Est, I read it on a popscicle stick." - Brad
"Say it.."-Brad
"I'm sorry" - Est
"For what?.."- Brad
"All the things I said" - Est
"about?..." -Brad
"Blacksmiths"- Est ashamedly
"Tom are you growing your hair?" (already at an uncomely and of questionable length) Esther
"I have to, ALL the boys are." - Tom
"Ooh Brad I saved you something, but I ate it in the night." - Barbara
"Did you know that scientist in Michigan have found that children behave better after their tonsils are removed, and that the prison population of England and Wales is 77,774" -Brad quoting from the Guardian
"And they all have their tonsils?" -Est
"Scientists discover blue ring around Uranus"- Brad (quoting from a website)
"Maybe you should see someone about that" -Est
"Airhorn" - Noah's first word, he then proceeds to make an airhorn noise.
"She in't fat. I just feed her dogfood, and a bit of cake." Woman with 300 pound dog
"Nooooaah, come on Tubbs McGoo, come on Chubbs McGee, stop propping up the bar, come on slug, just eat a little bit more, come on dudek, poppa's going to change your nap nap's"- Esther she is still unsure what his name actually is.
"Noah was only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean" - Chuck Norris facts
"Batteries for these things (video cameras) are ridiculously expensive, this one was £25.00" -Brad
"Can't you just recharge them?" - Anna
"Umm, do people ever make fun of your name?" -delivery van man to Esther
"Not really, why?"-Esther
"It's just that Eater is an odd name" - delivery guy
"I'm growing these flowers using centimeters!" - Anon
Brad: "I was wearing a house coat"
Julie the crazy midwife: "A house coat? A coat with houses on it?"
"Don't tell my mum, I am so high right now, this stuff is amazing..." Esther on Gas and Air during labour.
"Daddy, I think I might have followed through that time..." Noah McLaughlin. Every time.
"At home I've got Shanté, Kia, Renée, and this one here is Blade. Oh he doesn't mind the smoke." - woman across from us in the post natal ward. while we were there she went outside at least 20 times to smoke.
"I've tried to put on weight for the baby. Every night before I go to bed I have at least 4 packs of crisps and 4 chocolate bars."- Same woman as above
"I had a lot of lady problems and protocol cleared them all up, and I gave some to my dog" - woman on QVC
Brad- "I'm Starving!"
Esther- "But you had a mini chedder."
"People who put things in quotations are really annoying" Esther McLaughin
"..So I threw the knife and fork at the wall. He should know by now I dont like lumpy gravy.." AC (you know who you are..)
"My husband is an actuary actually" Ellie Clack nee Jerwood
"Brad you look really fat" Johnny Elderfield
"Scratch that" Steve Bentall
"Isn't satan the Canadian way of saying Santa?" Undisclosed colleague from Brads office
"...The worst job in the world would be gutting fish..cos your hands would always smell like fish" Abby
"What if you are 30?" Stephen A
"Are you fat but wish to be morbidly obese?" Anon (Brad)
"I'm easy!" Barbara