Bombers Blitz Brooklyn 

At Raucous Roller Derby Game

There are perhaps a few occupations less dangerous than
that of a roller derby referee.  One could, say, work at capturing rabid
wolverines, or maybe disarming nuclear warheads, or even gathering soil samples
in erupting volcanoes. But to be a  roller derby referee one must be willing to:
A) be dragged around a steep banked  track like a rag doll by several powerful,
extremely angry, brawling Amazonian women on roller skates, or B) be used as a
human punching bag by a 300-pound, mountainous, menacing,  mobile maniac of a
man named Maverick, who creates complete chaos wherever his gigantic skates
lead him.    

Owner Dan Ferrari's Bay Bombers and Brooklyn Red Devils  rolled back into
town last Saturday night  to a sold-out, standing-room only, reeling and
rocking  Alameda High School gym, where a delighted crowd of roller derby
devotees were driven nearly to delerium by Ferrari's special blend of
malicious, measured mayhem.        
    
 The tone for the evening was set early when the teams took
to the track to the sounds of The Ramone's "Bitzkreig Bop."
Thus initiiated, the blitz soon began when the Bombers General Manager, the
iconic Jim Fitzpatrick, got into a rather nasty infield tiff with the Red
Devils cranky manager ,the villainous "Mizz" Georgia  Hase, and her
equally obnoxious men's team captain  Bill Hill. The hapless referees, as
usual , bore the brunt of the resultant frenetic hostilities. 
 
The bad vibes continued as the ladies took to the track and the Red Devils
gorgeous women's pivot skater, Patsy Delgado, who looks like a Playboy
model, immediately lit into her Bombers counterpart, the equally lovely 
Lali-O, whom trackside sage and veteran roller derby talent scout Lou Sanchez 
calls the next skating superstar, perhaps the new Joanie Weston.  Delgado
treated Lali-O to her own version
of the Hawaiian punch, to which Lali responded with a few
strategically placed belts of her own, a few of which hit-
you guessed it- the poor referees.    

The chaos continued into the men's periods, when Red Devils
coach Ray Robles  jumbled his team's jams by daring to
incur the wrath of the the Bombers mighty Maverick, a huge
mass of muscle with a temper to match. Robles spent much
of the game flying over the rails and fleeing for his life, but
still managed some blatant bullying and cowardly sneak attacks, much to the
raging, roaring and rabidly pro-Bombers crowd's hostile howls of
disapproval.

After eight periods of nonstop action, bountiful beatings
and skillful skating, the body count included  Bombers 
beauty Sharleaf Sirois, tossed over the rail and helped from
the arena, Red Devil's coach Ray Robles, mauled by Maverick
and grimacing noticably; one referee down for the count;
and the medic's table, smashed to smithereens  by a wayward Red Devil,
courtesy of a violent block by Bombers
superstar Little Richard Brown.  When the dust settled,
the Bombers prevailed, 63 to 60, much to the joy of an excited, exhausted but
still exuberant throng.

The game drew an eclectic crowd of all ages, from toddlers to 84-year old Hal
Janowitz, a South Shore resident who
skated for the roller derby from 1947 to 1973. Attendees  
came from near and far, including Charles Bryant and his
daughter from Vallejo, and Mary Everett from Oakland, who
also own's Alameda's favorite Barbeque emporiums, Everett
and Jones.  She and her large family "have a great time at the
 roller derby and never miss it when it's in town." 
Alameda  resident Jerry  Camacho, leaving the game with
his two sons, happily summed up their  experience quite succinctly when he
said, " A great show at a great price.  Now that's
entertainment!"    

Roll with Gil Michaels at satsfats510@ mailstation.com