In the Beginning, God created the Earth, but it was flat.  Seeing this, Bob told God He was a moron, and crushed the earth into a ball. Doing this also created mountains, oceans, and McDonald's. Bob proceeded to make beer and prostitutes. He finally created hell, also known as Indiana. After watching this for awhile, Bob decided to go down to Earth because he was tired of listening to a bunch of losers with wings practice their harps. He now resides in a picture ID of the fearless leader of Bobanity, The High Priest.

On the seventh day, in a place called Eden, God created man.  He called him Adam.  Then He created another man.  He called him Steve.  Bob, seeing a problem, went up to Steve and purple nurpled him.  Steve's chest swelled.  Then Bob kicked him in the nuts until they disappeared.  Steve cried like a little girl, and it was so.  He became Eve, because nobody could say Steve back then.  God then told Adam and the newly named Eve not to eat the forbidden apples, but when God turned around Bob shoved apples down both their throats then giggled.  God turned back around and was furious. God said "Who is responsible for this damndable deed?"  Bob pointed to a nearby snake.  And so it was written, the snake said "BULLSHIT!" but then Bob broke his legs of and ran away laughing.

Many years passed...

One crappy day in the desert, God made Moses write down The 10 Commandments. Bob, once again, called God a moron and created 10 of his own Commandments, and here they are.
1-Thou should drink booze. 

2-Thou should not be gay.

3-Thou should not be incest.

4-Thou  Should destroy the demons named Pokemon.

5-Thou should gain much money.

6-Thou should go to the club and party.

7-Thou should not poison children with Barney or Teletubies.

8-You stink. Clean thyself.

9-Beware of the madman Dr. Seuss.

10-Kill the evil leader, Michael Jackson.

Then God said "What the hell are you doing to humanity?" and Bob said, "Having fun."   

And then on a crappy day, Bob met someone he did not know. "Who are you?" asked Bob, and the stranger said, "I am Jesus Christ, son of God the almighty." Bob became furious and created his own child, Jebus, daughter of Bob. And soon Bob sent her to Earth to lose her virginity, so that all who beleived in him would still die, but would have a hell of a good time before they did. Then God created abstinince and STD's. Bob tried to counter them with birth control and condoms, but it could not be undone. Damn. Bob became angry and threatened God, saying his followers would take over the universe. God replied, "What followers?" Bob said, "Shut up," shot God in the face, and came down to Earth to rally his troops for his second coming.

The coming of Bob is near. Join him before it's too late.

These are the predictions of a prophet named simply.....number 8.

Somewhere between now and the end, the second coming of Bob will begin. His army of humans will first attack the land of Europe, somewhere near the birthplace of the man known as Hitler. Soon after, a near land named Russia will fall to the sickness of chickens. Then, long rockets will come from the moon and descend on Austraila, and the words "G'day mate" will never be uttered there again. Moments later, many countries will strike the enemies of Bob, and they will bow down to him. The last remaining enemy will be the Vatican City. And as one of Bob's highest followers will be struck many times, he will manage to take down his foe, the leader of the Catholics.

In the end God will be furious, for all his followers have either been smoted by Bob or quickly and mercifully converted. He will unleash his full power on Bob's planet of Earth. After a nearly endless struggle, the planet will be destroyed, it's inhabitants fleeing. Then Bob will become pissed, and the greatest battle of the Universe will begin. God will come down to Earth and Bob will regain his body. They will fight a fight that rivals that of the Matrix finale. Who comes out the victor, I have not forseen...

Sources from Canada have just informed us that one of the fabled Prophets of Bob is currently waiting for Bob's second coming in the forests of British Columbia. This prophet, number 4, has been patiently procuring surplus weapons from the black market, and, should we reach him, may lend us some of his hidden cache for use in a joint takeover of Canada and America! Therefore, we, the leaders of the Bobanites, urge you to search him out and aquire these weapons. Whoever does find him will be rewarded beyond their wildest dreams. We have spoken!