Some call it retardation...
I call it wit.
Also a sampling of my opinions on everyday matters.
Excerpts from notes and AIM conversations...
So be it.
Enjoy.
(Or not).
  My way of offering comfort... Maybe you could make money by using your misery to inspire hope in others... "See, your life doesn't suck as much as mine."
Our soul mates will show up sometime... they're just late.
Self-reflection I must have had some traumatizing experience with peach-flavored stuff in my childhood.
I'm a walking commercial-that-no-one-but-me-has-seen.
I'm still deliberating whether it's actual intelligence or only temporary insanity.
My whole existence has revolved around not being with the program.
On being sad and wanting to escape Just one of those mind-altering substance kinda weeks.
There's just no denying that most people have been in the streisand mood more than once in their lives.
Why I know way too much about the music and history of the band Queen. I have to know a substantial bit about them; it's like the music knowledge equivalent of having a small penis... I have to compensate for not knowing anything about other bands and artists by asserting my queen obsession

I think that will be my new introductory line when meeting someone new: "How is your musical penis?"
On religion (specifically Catholicism) When i'm in the church, it's a bunch of garbled nonsense, but outside, I want back in.  Goes back to the indoctrination... like something's missing.  Mainly candles and silly hats
Maybe i'm just depressed that i was never molested... like i wasn't good enough.
Why I hate philosophy My main beef with philosophy is that people who study it soon become incapable of formulating their own opinions, but rather rely on quotations from obscure "-ist" thinkers to make their points.
On geography My roommate has a similar multi-state background.  You can't make fun of any state on the eastern seaboard, as it may offend him in some way.
A passport ought to be required for travel between Alabama and the other 47 contiguous states.
On the cancellation of SeaQuest How could a show with a super-intelligent dolphin last only three seasons--witness flipper.
Roommate qualms But I don't want to share their groceries.  They eat nasty things.
Hating the telephone I see the phone as a way to organize in-person meetings.  In order to have a phone conversation, you have to talk the whole time... In person, you can just "be" from time to time.  Nothing so wrong with silence in person... unless the person you're with is just really awkward, but that's a different problem
Semantics All this screwing and fucking of abstract concepts...
I don't know what connotations most people associate with interesting, but i don't necessarily see them as always positive.
I always have trouble picking out ripe connotations at the store.
Advice for dealing with a voracious roommate Buy a minifridge with a padlock, cook only single portions, or tell them to cook their damn own food.
My personal favorite, the reference which no one understands... in this case a reference to Ralph Fiennes' character in Red Dragon me: damn, why don't you just become an evil overbearing old grandmother who locks me in the basement and curses my birth?

friend: done

me: now my dreams are fulfilled

friend: very specific dream you've got there

me: not a big fan of the sun, nor of self-esteen

 

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