10

10. Slingblade. A better movie about the South than Forrest Gump, and Billy Bob's best role to date. Not much more I can say except, "I like the way you talk, too."

9. Snatch. This movie is friggin' awesome. I'm a gangster movie fan, a Brad Pitt fan, and a fan of ubiquitous British accents in movies. Besides, seeing this movie in an empty theatre in Macon with Bert and Carrie provided one of my favorite memories from high school: asking the usher kid, "Excuse me, can you tell me where your snatch is?" Okay, lame joke, but the kid didn't have to get so worked up about it. DAMN YOU INTERN! hahahaha. Oh, man, no one understands these inside jokes, least of all me.

8. Fight Club. Every college kid should have to see this movie, so they'll remember to be individualistic but not to wreak havoc on society while doing so. I'm in love with Ed Norton, although he's crazy, and therefore, I'll also include Death to Smoochy, Red Dragon, Keeping the Faith, and Primal Fear in the number eight slot. I was going to refrain from cheating and keep this list true to form as a "top 10," but with so much Ed to go around, how am I supposed to control myself? Oh yes, and Brad Pitt's in this one, too, which is why it's the top Ed Norton movie. But, I gotta cheat again, in a six degrees sort of way, and include Being John Malkovich as a number eight entry, also. How, you ask? Catherine Keener was in Death to Smoochy with Norton and played Maxine opposite John Cusack in Malcovich. That reminds me that I also love John Cusack, so High Fidelity, The Sure Thing, and Sixteen Candles shall also be number eights. Now, I also love John Hughes movies, so Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Pretty in Pink, and The Breakfast Club also come into the picture. Going back to Cusack for a moment... he was in Identity with Carmen Argenziano, who was in Broken Arrow with Christian Slater, who played J.D. in Heathers, another number eight favorite of mine. Winona Ryder also happened to be in Heathers, and she starred opposite Johnny Depp in Edward Scissorhands, which makes it a fellow eight. One more trail off of Cusack... he was in Con Air with Nick Cage, who was in Raising Arizona, a great film and a number eight contender. Cage was in Face Off with John Travolta who, aside from the number seven pick, Pulp Fiction, was in the final number eights, Grease and Saturday Night Fever. So, I've managed to circumvent the system and have seventeen number eight movies while keeping this a Top 10 list.

7. Pulp Fiction. Can you say instant classic? This movie, in addition to being the most prolific use of the "f word" within a two hour span, is the best gangster movie since Godfather II. By far the best Tarantino movie on the market. It's funny, it's violent, Uma Thurman is hot (Have you noticed that from picture to picture, she is reincarnated as either a total goddess or as a complete skank? Is this the fault of the lighting director or of the makeup crew?). There's drugs and guns and British criminals (the British make the best criminals, after all). And, what would a Tarantino flick be without the obligatory director's cameo? "I don't need you to tell me how fuckin' good my coffee is, ok? I'm the one who buys it. I know how good it is. When Bonnie goes shopping, she buys shit. I buy the gourmet expensive stuff 'cause when I drink it, I wanna taste it." Anyone who appreciates the obvious importance of a good cup of coffee is a man after my own heart.

6. Gattaca. Jude Law is the most beautiful human being ever to walk the earth. This is the best Jude Law movie since it's also got Uma and Ethan, and it's another hot-Uma film (see Pulp Fiction above). A great sci-fi flick which warned the world about the future of genetic discrimination even while Dolly the sheep was being born. Andrew Niccol is underappreciated by the masses... he also wrote The Truman Show.

5. Lola Rennt or Run Lola Run. Franka Potente, 'nough said. She's gorgeous, fit, and smokes like a chimney. German movies are hot, and so are their stars. I'm going to cheat again and connect Franka's red hair from Lola to that of Milla Jovovich in The Fifth Element, and she was also in Zoolander. These aren't top five material, but they deserve a mention. Anyway, back to Lola. You've gotta see it if you haven't yet, and you're guaranteed to come away thinking about fate, love, and karma... provided you have any intelligence, don't mind reading subtitles, and have the attention span to follow the story.

4. Requiem for a Dream. A visual masterpiece... more like a piece of museum art than a movie. Even apart from that, the thing that makes it great is the message. If every 12-year-old were required, as part of health class, to watch this or Trainspotting, the instances of drug abuse in America would be cut by at least 80%, guaranteed. Oh, and the music is perfect.

3. Moulin Rouge. Am I gay? When it comes to Ewan McGregor, yes (See number 2 below). Nicole Kidman is a goddess, and is the most beautiful woman alive in this movie. She makes me forget Julia and Gwyneth while prancing around in satin corsets, doing high leg kicks. Shouldn't she have been born with red hair? Mmmmm.... Oh, yes, and Baz Luhrmann is Monet with a motion picture camera as his paintbrush.

2. Velvet Goldmine. Oh, dear. Jonathan Rhys-Myers and Ewan McGregor are gorgeous enough to turn any straight man gay and any lesbian straight. Christian Bale is perfect as the teenage glam rock groupie. You'll recognize Toni Collette (Mandy Slade) as Fiona, the little boy's suicidal mom from About a Boy. Plus, Eddie Izzard has a slightly-more-than-cameo role. Oh, and it was produced by Michael Stipe, fellow Athenian. If you've never heard of Velvet Goldmine, it's kind of the unauthorized biography... well, fiction-based-in-truth story of David Bowie and Iggy Pop. I watched this movie about a dozen times over a two-week span, just as I did Moulin Rouge when it came out on DVD. The music is to die for!

1. Flash Gordon. Okay, so none of you has ever seen my favorite movie. That's okay, it's what makes this a true cult classic. Okay, so the two lead actors are the absolute worst in history; I won't even disgrace the web by repeating their names, but Max Von Sydow, Topol, Timothy Dalton (a former James Bond), Bryan Blessed, Peter Wyngarde, and even Mariangela Melato represent flawless casting. The costumes are outrageously funderific. Actually, though, the best thing about the movie is the music, written, produced, and performed by Queen. The movie was actually a vehicle for the music and subsequent album. Kinda like Highlander and the Kind of Magic album, except Highlander is probably better than Flash Gordon.