All these jokes are sourced from the internet from various uncopywrighted sites.
* Henry Ford dies and goes to Heaven. * A man pulls up next to a girl walking home from school and said: "If you get in, I'll give you a Lollypop." * Sometimes the best jokes are true. On May 12th FORD announced a recall on it's Expeditions and F-Series trucks. Faulty lug nuts could cause the tyres to fall off. * A Texan man was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he had, how many women he had been with, and how much land he owned. * I was driving my Ford truck down the road * Here I sit broken hearted * Ashes to ashes * Buy a Ford
At the gate, St Peter tells Henry Ford: "Well, you've been such a good guy, invented the car, changed the world. As a reward you can hang out with anybody in Heaven of your choice."
So Henry Ford thinks about it and says: "I would like to hang out with God himself?"
So St Peter takes him directly to God's thrown and Henry Ford starts by saying: "God, I don't want to sound biased, but you have some major design flaws in Your invention, the Woman.
1. There's too much front end protrusion
2. It chatters at high speeds
3. The rear end wobbles too much
4. The intake is too close to the exhaust."
"MMMMM" says God and goes over to the Celestial Super Computer, types in a few key strokes, and waits for the results.
He then turns to Henry Ford and says; "It may be that My invention is flawed, but according to the stellar computer more men are riding My invention then your's".
The girl kept on walking and the man said: "If you get in I'll give you two Lollypops."
The girl kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued walking. The man said: "Get in and I'll give you a whole bag of Lollypops."
Finally, the girl turned and said: "Look Dad, You bought the FORD, You ride in it!!!"
It just keeps getting better!
A young man growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan; "Just how much land do you own?"
The Texan tipped back he's Cowboy hat and said to the young man: "Well sunny let me put it to you like this, I can get into my pickup at sunrise, drive all day long, skip lunch, and still not get to the other side of my property by sunset."
The young man shot back quickly: "Oh ye, I know what you mean. I used to own a FORD truck too!"
When I realised it was gonna explode
The Ford motor blew up in my face
So I put a Chevy motor in it's place
I drove that truck until the body pannels rusted away
But that old Chevy motor still runs to this day.
Wishing that my Ford would have started
But it didn't, so that's a rap
So I think I'll shoot that piece of crap.
Dust to dust
If it wasn't for Fords
Our tools would rust.
Buy the best
Drive a mile
Walk the rest.
"Have you out-driven a Ford lately?"
"I could never keep a Ford under me, I was always under the Ford."
"Friends don't let friends drive Fords."
"I'd rather push a BMW then drive a Ford."
"Ford Escort me to a Toyota dealer."
"Speed kills. Drive a Ford and live forever!"
"You might own a FORD if you keep getting sympathy cards from the dept of transport."
Jannie: "My parents just bought me a new Ford Icon." "Next time somebody tells you that Ford means First On Race Day, remind them that anything would be fast if it required mechanics to work on it all week long just to run one good race time."
Q. What's the difference between a Ford and the principal's office? Q. What goes on pages 4-5 of the Ford's user's manual? Q. What do you call a Ford at the top of a Hill? Q. What do you call two Fords at the top of a hill? Q. What do you call a Ford with dual exhausts? Q. Why do Ford call their new Focus and Mondeo the ST170 and ST220 respectively? Q. What is the Ford owner's most ardent wish? Q. What do you call a Ford with a seat belt? Q. How do you make a Ford go faster downhill? Q. What is the difference between a Ford and a shopping trolley? Q. What do the new speed limit signs say on our suburban roads? Q. Why do they put sidewalks beside most streets and highways? Q. Why does Ford make tractors and Opel not? Q. What is the difference between a Ford and a porcupine? Q. Why are the latest Fords so aerodynamically designed? Q. What is the aim of a Ford project car? Q. What is the difference between a Ford and a tampon? Q. how can they improve a Ford bakkie? Q. Why do they fit ABS braking systems to the latest Fords? Q. How do you double the value of a Ford Icon? Q. What did the Toyota say to the Ford? Q. What should the Ford Mustang really be called? Q. Why is this country so far in debt? Q. Why do they fit heated tail gates to luxury Ford bakkies? Q. Why do the new FORD Explorers have larger bumpers? Q. Why are FORD dealers giving away a dog with each FORD sold? Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Koosie: "So what did you do to p.ss them off?"
?
A. It's less embarrassing if your friends see you leaving the principal's office.
A. The train & bus schedule.
A. A Miracle.
A. A mirage.
A. A wheelbarrow
A. Ford actually now include a 170 km and 220 km warranty on those models.
A. To buy a car.
A. A rucksack.
A. Turn off the engine.
A. A shopping trolley is much easier to push.
A. Max speed - 60 km/h - Fords do best you can.
A. So FORD owners have a safe place to walk home.
A. Because Opel can't get anything to run that slow.
A. Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
A. It improves the Chevy towe truck's fuel consumption.
A. An attempt to keep their car running.
A. A tampon comes with it's own towe rope.
A. Put a Toyota engine in it.
A. So the driver can stop quicker to pick up the fallen off parts.
A. Full the tank with petrol.
A. Would you like a towe home?
A. The Ford Rustang.
A. Because the president drives a Ford.
A. To keep your hands warm when you pushed them.
A. To make it easier on the towe trucks.
A. So the owner has a companion to walk home with.
A. To push he's FORD F150 back into the dealer's show room.
A. Because he's F150 got stuck.
First On Rubbish Dump
Fix Or Repair Daily
Fixed On Race Day
Factory Ordered Road Disasters
Found On Roadside Dead
Flip Over Read Directions
Ford Owners Recommend Daywoo
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Ford Owner Really Dumb
For Only Retarded Drivers
Freaking Only Runs Downhill
Failure On Research & Development
Found On Road Deserted
Forget Out Running Danie
F.cked On Race Day
Four Old Rusted Doors
Freaking Old Rusted Datsin
"Backwards" - Don't Ride Over Fifty
"Backwards" - Driver Returns On Foot
"Backwards" - Dumb Retards Own Fords
"Backwards" - Dorks Ride On Fords