This song can be described as...catchy, unusual, digusting but overall it's great.

Medical Love Song

Chapman : Inflammation of the foreskin reminds me of your smile, I've had balanital chancroids for quite a little while. I gave my heart to NSU that lovely night in June, I ache for you my darling and I hope you get well soon....

My penile warts, your herpes, my syphilitic sores, Your moenelial infection, how I miss you more and more! Your dobie's itch, my scrum pox, our lovely gonorrhoea, At least we both were lying when we said that we were clear. Out syphilitic kisses sealed the secret of our tryst, You gave my scrotal pustules with a quick flick of your wrist. Your trichovaginitis sent shivers down my spine, I got snail tracks in my anus when your spirochetes met mine.

Idle: Gonnococcal urethritis, Streptococcal balanitis

        Meningo myelitis, Diplococcal cephalitis

        Epididymitis, Interstitial keratitis,

        Syphlitic corelitis and anterior Uveitis.

Chapman: My clapped out genitilia, is not so bad for me, As the complete and utter failure every time I try to pee. My doctor says my buboes are the worst he's ever seen My scrotum's painted orange and my balls are turning green. My heart is very tender though my part are awful raw. You might have been infected but you never were a bore. I'm dying from your love, my love, I'm your spirochaetal clown     I've left my body to science but I'm afraida they've turned it down.

If anyone needs to know names of STD's (although I don't see why they would) then I suggest learning that song. I really do recommend this song as it is REALLY catchy. I believe it has also been in the head of Skye - When she's not thinking about LACE.

This song I suppose is amusing although rather dull - but most of you didn't have to listen to it and so won't hear the great amusement.

No idea who sings it.

I Like traffic lights
I Like traffic lights
I Like traffic lights
No matter where they've been

I Like traffic lights
I Like traffic lights
I Like traffic lights
I Like traffic lights
I Like traffic lights
But only when they're green

He likes traffic lights
He likes traffic lights
He likes traffic lights
No matter where they've been

He likes traffic lights
He likes traffic lights
He likes traffic lights
But only when they're green

I Like traffic lights
I Like traffic lights
I Like traffic lights
That is what I said

I Like traffic lights
I Like traffic lights
I Like traffic lights
But not when they are red

He likes traffic lights
He likes traffic lights
That is what I said

He likes traffic lights
He likes traffic lights
He likes traffic lights
He likes traffic lights
He likes traffic lights
But not when they are red

I Like traffic lights
I Like traffic lights
I Like traffic lights
Although my name's not Amber

Interviewer: Good evening. I have with me in the studio tonight one of Britain's leading skin specialists - Raymond Luxury Yacht.

Raymond: That's not my name.

Interviewer: I'm sorry - Raymond Luxury Yach-t.

Raymond: No, no, no - it's spelt Raymond: Luxury Yach-t, but it's pronounced 'Throatwobbler Mangrove'.

Interviewer: You're a very silly man and I'm not going to interview you.

Raymond: Ah, anti-semitism!

Interviewer: Not at all. It's not even a proper nose. (takes it off) It's polystyrene.

Raymond: Give me my nose back.

Interviewer: You can collect it at reception. Now go away.

Raymond: I want to be on the television.

Interviewer: Well, you can't.

Registry Office

          First Man: Er, excuse me, I want to get married.

Registrar: I'm afraid I'm already married, sir.

First Man: Er, no, no. I just want to get married.

Registrar: I could get a divorce, I suppose, but it'll be a bit of a wrench.

First Man: Er, no, no. That wouldn't be necessary because...

Registrar: You see, would you come to my place or should I have to come to yours, because I've just got a big mortgage.

First Man: No, no, I want to get married here.

Registrar: Oh dear. I had my heart set on a church wedding.

First Man: Look, I just want you to marry me... to...

Registrar: I want to marry you too sir, but it's not as simple as that. You sure you want to get married?

First Man: Yes. I want to get married very quickly.

Registrar: Suits me, sir. Suits me.

First Man: I don't want to marry you!

Registrar: There is such a thing as breach of promise, sir.

First Man: Look, I just want you to act as registrar and marry me.

Registrar: I will marry you sir, but please make up your mind. Please don't trifle with my affections.

First Man: I'm sorry, but...

Registrar: That's all right, sir. I forgive you. Lovers' tiff. But you're not the first person to ask me today. I've turned down several people already.

First Man: Look, I'm already engaged.

Registrar: (agreeing and thinking) Yes, and I'm already married. Still we'll get round it.

Second Man: (entering) Good morning. I want to get married.

Registrar: I'm afraid I'm already marrying this gentleman, sir.

Second Man: Well, can I get married after him?

Registrar: Well, divorce isn't as quick as that, sir. Still, if you're keen.

Third Man: (entering) I want to get married, please.

Registrar: Heavens, it's my lucky day, isn't it. All right, but you'll have to wait until I've married these two, sir.

Third Man: What, those two getting married... Nigel What are you doing marrying him?

Registrar: He's marrying me first, sir.

Third Man: He's engaged to me.

Fourth Man: (big and butch) Come on, Henry.

Registrar: Blimey, the wife.

Second Man: Will you marry me?

Fourth Man: I'm already married.

 

Now I'm going to write a little page on each of the films and if I can be assed I will also do the Flying Circus and some more songs.

The first film (I think) done by the Python crew was The Holy Grail and you may guess that it is based on the story of King Arthur and the Holy Grail.

This song features only one song entitled "Knights of the Round Table" and reads as follows.

We're knights of the round table
We dance when e'er we're able
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impecc-Able.
We dine well here in Camelot
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot

We're knights of the Round Table
Our shows are for-mid-able
But many times, we're given rhymes
That are quite unsing-able
We're opera mad in Camelot
We sing from the diaphragm a lot

In war we're tough and able
Quite indefatigable
Between our quests we sequin vests
And impersonate Clark Gable
It's a busy life in Camelot
I have to push the pram a lot....

This film was the third and final film made by the Pythons and I also think it is the worst. By quoting it it works but when watching it it seems a bit boring and it drags. Altough this is definitely the best film for song. The opening song is as follows and it is sung in an "outrageous accent" (French)

Why are we here
What's life all about
Is God really real
Or is there some doubt
Well tonight we're going to sort it all out
For tonight it's the meaning of life

What's the point 
Of all these hoax
Is it the chicken and the egg type
Are we just yolks
Or perhaps we're just one of God's little jokes
Well ça c'est the meaning of life

Is life just a game where we make up the rules
While we're searching for something to say
Or are we just simply spiraling coils
Of self replicating DNA

In this life what is our fate
Is there a heaven and hell
Do we reincarnate
Is mankind evolving
Or is it too late
Well tonight it's the meaning of life

For millions this life is a sad veil of tears
Sitting round with rien nothing to say
While the scientists say
We're simply spiraling coils
Of self replicating DNA

So just why, why are we here
And just what, what, what
What do we fear
Well ce soir, for a change
T'will all be made clear
Because this is the meaning of life
C'est le sans de la vie
This is the meaning of life

And that is the end. I do not not know who sings it.

As far as I know the next song in the film is the wonderful... "Every Sperm Is Sacred" 

Altough it sounds rather...odd, it is in fact rather good. 

It starts with Michael Palin doing his wonderful Yorkshire accent and goes on to have some annoying ones.

DAD: 

There are Jews in the world. 
There are Buddhists. 
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then 
There are those that follow Mohammed, but 
I've never been one of them.

I'm a Roman Catholic, 
And have been since before I were born, 
And the one thing they say about Catholics is
They'll take you as soon as you're warm.

You don't have to be a six-footer. 
You don't have to have a great brain. 
You don't have to have any clothes on. 

You're a Catholic the moment Dad came,

Because

Every sperm is sacred. 
Every sperm is great. 
If a sperm is wasted, 
God gets quite irate.

CHILDREN: 
Every sperm is sacred. 
Every sperm is great. 
If a sperm is wasted, 
God gets quite irate.

GIRL: 
Let the heathen spill theirs 
On the dusty ground. 
God shall make them pay for 
Each sperm that can't be found.

CHILDREN: 
Every sperm is wanted. 
Every sperm is good. 
Every sperm is needed 
In your neighbourhood.

MUM: 
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon, 
Spill theirs just anywhere, 
But God loves those who treat their 
Semen with more care.

MEN: 
Every sperm is sacred. 
Every sperm is great. 

WOMEN: 
If a sperm is wasted,... 

CHILDREN: 
...God gets quite irate.

PRIEST: 
Every sperm is sacred. 

BRIDE and GROOM: 
Every sperm is good. 

NANNIES: 
Every sperm is needed... 

CARDINALS: 
...In your neighbourhood!

CHILDREN: 
Every sperm is useful. 
Every sperm is fine. 

FUNERAL CORTEGE: 
God needs everybody's. 

MOURNER #1: 
Mine! 

MOURNER #2: 
And mine! 

CORPSE: 
And mine!

NUN: 
Let the Pagan spill theirs 
O'er mountain, hill, and plain. 

HOLY STATUES: 
God shall strike them down for 
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.

EVERYONE: 
Every sperm is sacred. 
Every sperm is good. 
Every sperm is needed 
In your neighbourhood.

This next part isn't a song but it makes me laugh so much. Tis said in a very strong American accent.

Waiter: Good evening... would you care for something to talk about?

Mr Hendy: Oh that would be wonderful.

Waiter: Our special tonight is minorities...

Mr Hendy: Oh that sounds interesting...

Mrs Hendy: What's this conversation here...?

Waiter: Oh that's football... you can talk about the Steelers-Bears game, Saturday... or you could reminisce about really great World Series

Mrs Hendy: No... no, no.

Mr Hendy: What's this one here?

Waiter: That's philosophy.

Mrs Hendy: Is that a sport?

Waiter: No it's more of an attempt to construct a viable hypothesis to explain the Meaning of Life.

Mr Hendy: Oh that sounds wonderful... Would you like to talk about the Meaning of Life, darling...?

Mrs Hendy: Sure, why not?

Waiter: Philosophy for two?

Mr Hendy: Right...

Waiter: You folks want me to start you off?

Mr Hendy: Oh really we'd appreciate that...

Waiter: OK. Well er... look, have you ever wondered just why you're here?

Mr Hendy: Well... we went to Miami last year and California the year before that, and we've...

Waiter: No, no... I mean why *we're* here. On this planet?

Mr Hendy: N... n... nope.

Waiter: Right! Have you ever *wanted* to know what it's all about?

Mr Hendy: No!

Waiter: Right ho! Well, see, throughout history there have been certain men and women who have tried to find the solution to the 
              mysteries of existence.

Mrs Hendy: Great.

Waiter: And we call these guys 'philosophers'.

Mrs Hendy: And that's what we're talking about!

Waiter: Right!

Mrs Hendy: That's neat!

Waiter: Well you look like you're getting the idea, so why don't I give you these conversation cards - they'll tell you a little about 
             philosophical method, names of famous philosophers... there y'are. Have a nice conversation!

Mr Hendy: Thank you! Thank you very much.

Mrs Hendy: He's cute.

Mr Hendy: Yeah, real understanding.

Mrs Hendy: Oh! I never knew that *Schopenhauer* was a *philosopher*...

Mr Hendy: Oh yeah... He's the one that begins with an S.

Mrs Hendy: Oh...

Mr Hendy: ... Um... like Nietzsche...

Mrs Hendy: Does Nietzsche begin with an S?

Mr Hendy: There's an S in Nietzsche...

Mrs Hendy: Oh wow! Yes there is. Do all philosophers have an S in them?

Mr Hendy: Yeah I think most of them do.

Mrs Hendy: Oh!... Does that mean Selina Jones is a philosopher?

Mr Hendy: Yeah... Right, she could be... she sings about the Meaning of Life.

Mrs Hendy: Yeah, that's right, but I don't think she writes her own material.

Mr Hendy: No. Maybe Schopenhauer writes her material?

Mrs Hendy: No... Burt Bacharach writes it.

Mr Hendy: There's no 'S' in Burt Bacharach...

Mrs Hendy: ... Or in Hal David...

Mr Hendy: Who's Hal David?

Mrs Hendy: He writes the lyrics, Burt just writes the tunes... only now he's married to Carole Bayer Sager...

Mr Hendy: Oh... Waiter... this conversation isn't very good.

I don't know what the next song we come across is but this next song is great. It comes in the scene where Mrs Brown's 

son is donating his liver and the people who clearly state that they are not Doctors persuade her to donate her liver aswell.

Sung by Eric Idle (Naturlich)

 Whenever life gets you down Mrs. Brown
And things seem hard or tough
And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft
And you feel that you've had quite enough...

Just, remember that you're standing on a planet thats evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so its reckoned
A sun that is the source of all our power

The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm at fourty thousand miles an hour
In a galaxy we call the milky way

Our galaxy itself, contains a hundred billion stars
Its a hundred thousand light years side-to-side
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick
But out by us it's just three thousand light years wide

We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point
We go round every two hundred million years
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions in this amazing and 
expanding universe

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can wizz
As fast as it can go, the speed of light ya know
Twelve million miles a minute and thats the fastest speed there is
So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely is your birth
And pray that theres intellegent life somewhere up in space
Cause there's bugger-all down here on earth.

Makes you feel really insignificant doesn't it?

 
Another song sung by Eric Idle
 
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong
It's swell to have a stiffy
It's divine to own a dick
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick

So three cheers for your willy or John Thomas
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake
Your piece of pork,
Your wife's best friend
Your percy or your cock
You can wrap it up in ribbons,
You can slip it in your sock

But dont take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock
And you won't a-come, a-back!

I recently bought some more Monty Python DVD's and this sketch really made me laugh. I don't think it seems as good when written as you can't hear Graham Chapman's stong English accent or see Eric Idle dressed as a woman knitting in her chair. But still. Read on.

Chapman: I say!

Cleveland: Yes, Daddy?

Chapman: Croquet hoops look dam' pretty this afternoon.

Cleveland: Frightfully damn pretty.

Idle:  They're coming along *awfully* well this year.

Chapman: Yes, better than your Aunt Lavinia's croquet hoops.

Cleveland: Ugh! Dreadful tin things.

Idle: I did tell her to stick to wood.

Chapman: Yes, you can't beat wood.  Gone.

Idle: What's gone, dear?

Chapman: Nothing, nothing -- just like the word, it gives me confidence. Gone. Gorne -- it's got a sort of *woody* quality about it. Gone. Go-o-orn.  Much better than 'newspaper' or 'litter bin'.

Cleveland: Ugh! Frightful words!

Idle: Perfectly dreadful!

Chapman: 'Newspaper' -- 'litter bin' -- 'litter bin' -- dreadful *tinny* sort of word.

(Cleveland screams)

Chapman: Tin, tin, tin.

Idle: Oh, don't say 'tin' to Rebecca, you know how it upsets her.

Chapman: Sorry, old horse.

Idle: 'Sausage.'

Chapman: 'Sausage'!  There's a good woody sort of word, 'sausage'.  'Gorn.'

Cleveland: 'Antelope!'

Chapman: Where? On the lawn?

Cleveland: No, no, Daddy. Just the word.

Chapman:   Don't want antelope nibbling the hoops.

Cleveland: No, no -- 'ant-e-lope'.  Sort of nice and woody type of thing.

Idle: Don't think so, Becky old chap.

Chapman: No, no -- 'antelope' - 'antelope', *tinny* sort of word.

(Cleveland screams)

Chapman: Oh, sorry old man.

Idle: Really, Mansfield.

Chapman: Well, she's got to come to terms with these things. 'Seemly.' 'Prodding.' 'Vac-u-um.' 'Leap.'

Cleveland: Oh -- hate 'leap'.

Idle: Perfectly dreadful.

Cleveland: Sort of PVC sort of word, don't you know.

Idle: Lower middle.

Chapman: 'Bound!'

Idle: Now you're talking!

Chapman: 'Bound.' 'Vole!' 'Recidivist!'

Idle: Bit *tinny*...

(Cleveland screams and rushes out sobbing)

Idle: Oh, sorry, Becky old beast.

Chapman: Oh dear, I suppose she'll be gorn for a few days now.

Idle: Caribou.

Chapman: Splendid word!

Idle: No, dear, nibbling the hoops.

(Chapman fires a shotgun)

Chapman  (with satisfaction): Caribou -- gorn... 'Intercourse.'

Idle: Later, dear.

Chapman: No, no -- the word, 'intercourse'.  Good and woody.  'Inter-course.' 'Pert,' 'pert,' 'thighs,' 'botty,' 'botty,' 'botty' (getting excited),  'erogenous zo-o-one'. Ha ha ha ha -- oh, 'concubine', 'erogenous zo-o-one', 'loose woman', 'erogenous zone'...

(Idle calmly empties a bucket of water over Chapman)

 Chapman: Oh, thank you, dear.  There's a funny thing, dear -- all the naughty words sound woody.

Idle: Really, dear -- how about 'tit'?

Chapman: Oh dear, I hadn't thought about that. 'Tit.' 'Tit.' Oh, that's very tinny, isn't it?  'Tit.' 'Tit.' Tinny, tinny.

(Cleveland, who has just come in, screams and rushes out again)

Chapman: Oh dear.  'Ocelot.' 'Was-p.' 'Yowling.' Oh dear, I'm bored.  Better go and have a bath, I suppose.

Idle: Oh really, must you, dear -- you've had nine today.

Chapman: All right -- I'll sack one of the servants.  Simpkins!  Nasty tinny sort of name. SIMPKINS!

(Enter Palin, in RAF uniform)

Palin: I say, mater, cabbage crates coming over the briny.

Idle: Sorry dear, don't understand.

Palin: Er -- cow-catchers creeping up on the conning towers?

Idle:  No, sorry old sport.

Palin: Um -- caribou nibbling at the croquet hoops.

Idle:  Yes, Mansfield shot one in the antlers.