What would they have said if Dawn had jumped...

PG

Sort of spoilers for "The Gift." but its AU really.

Just imagine Dawn sacraficed herself instead of Buffy.

The day was all set.  Willow looked around at the chairs arranged in a wide circle.  Seven silver framed chairs, draped in vibrant green silk, one for each of them.  The ground up here beyond Restfield was lush and fertile enough that she had not needed to bring flowers, nature had taken that responsibility on itself.  Yes, she thought, despite the sadness of the occasion this place was beautiful, it was perfect.

So far only she and Tara were there.  Having offered to set up the area.  Tara was now fully recovered and this ceremony had been her idea.  A way of giving Buffy, and the rest of them, the release they needed.  Willow watched her girlfriend spread a blanket out some way from the chairs and begin to unpack a picnic hamper.  Although you wouldn’t want to eat the majority of its contents no matter how hungry you became.

Willow checked her watch.  Everyone would be arriving soon.  It was ten to seven.  The cemetery closed to the public in ten minutes, but there was still over an hour of daylight left, this was the perfect time as there would be no interference with their evening, human or otherwise.

Giles arrived next.  Briefly he hugged the two witches, straight-backed and stiff.  In his sorrow he had reverted back to his old watcher attire and had replaced his jeans with his more formal tweeds.  They spoke quietly amongst themselves while waiting for the others. 

“I trust you are both well.”  Since Dawn had tumbled from the tower to save the world he had not sought out the Scooby’s company, preferring to remain alone with his thoughts.  Apart from a few attempts at comforting Buffy to no avail.

“Yes Giles and you.”  Willow responded.

“Bearing up, bearing up.  The spell is it prepared.”

Tara answered this time. “I…I…its all done.  As soon as we’ve f..finished here we just have to chant a b..bit and it will be complete.”

“We wrote down the chant.  We thought it would be nice if Buffy could do it, it would be more binding then, but if she doesn’t feel up to it, well, we thought, you might like to.”  Willow added, ever the efficient organiser even in times of woe.

“Ahh, yes well,” Giles cleared his throat and started again, “Yes, that would be very nice, obviously, if Buffy doesn’t want to.”

Soon the three were joined by Xander and Anya, with Buffy trailing a little way behind.

“How is she?”  Willow asked her oldest friend.

Xander looked back at the blonde Slayer trying to decide, but his girlfriend spoke first.  “She is like before, with Joyce, only worse, but,”  she looked around hopefully, “this will get better right?  She’s strong, all this death is just a glitch?”

“Shh honey.”  Xander put his arm around her, “That’s what today is for, to help us all be strong.”

When Buffy finally reached them and nodded hello to everyone Willow began to take charge.  “Right then, if we all sit down we can begin the ceremony, er who wants to start? Buffy?”

Buffy sat down and looked blankly up at her redheaded friend.  “I, uh, I don’t mind, whatever.”

Once they were all seated Xander noticed the spare chair.  “Who’s missing?”

“Uh Spike, I guess he can’t make it what with the sunlight.”  Willow replied.

“Spike!  Well thank the heavens for small mercies is all I can say.”

“B..B..Buffy asked…”

Buffy cut across Tara’s explanation.  “Dawn loved Spike and no matter what we all think of him, he thought the world of her too.  He’s proved that.  If he could be here he would be, hence the chair.”

Xander nodded his head, just because he wasn’t happy about it didn’t make the words any less true.  “Well ah, I guess if no one minds then, I’ll go first.”  No one disagreed so after a moments hesitation he stood up.

“Uh I’m not good with the words but I guess what I really want to say is that…Dawn was a great kid, considering, well you know, that she wasn’t really a kid at all until recently, I think she was pretty special.  She took what was thrown at her and ran with it.  And of course…”  He paused to smile sadly. “She had a big old crush on me which just goes to show how cool she really was.  The memories I have of her, before she really came to Sunnydale I mean, they’re good memories and I’m really glad I get to keep them.  I guess that’s what it boils down to.”  He looked around at everyone.  Anya, who was sat to his right, reached out and took his hand.  His eyes came to rest on Buffy.  She had been looking at her knees the whole time he was talking but now she looked up, met his eyes and gave a slight nod, the corners of her mouth turning up just a bit.  Xander sat down, squeezing Anya’s hand tightly.  She squeezed back.

The group sat in silence for a moment then Giles stood up.  “If you don’t  mind, I’d like to say a few words.”  Buffy nodded without looking up.  “Okay then.  As Xander said, Dawn was an exceptional young woman.  She showed a courage and bravery far out-reaching her fourteen years through struggling to accept her extremely unusual role on this earth to her final decision four days ago.  The choice she made while standing on that tower is one no human should ever have to face…”  Giles shut up abruptly as Buffy burst into noisy sobs.  Both Tara and Willow moved towards her.

“No, no please I’m fine, Giles go on, please.”  Buffy gave a hiccupy laugh and wiped at her wet cheeks.

Giles did carry on, his voice lower than before, his tone softer.  He spoke directly to Buffy, holding her gaze.  “Buffy, she used the strength you gave her, whether that be in the last twelve months or fourteen years, to make that choice.  It’s hard, unimaginably hard, I’m sure, but in the end she made the choice herself.  She wasn’t pushed into the portal, she jumped to save the lives of her sister, her friends,”  he looked around at the rest of the Scooby’s, “and the rest of the world.  Dawn was a girl we should all be very proud to have known in whatever capacity and her enthusiasm for life should be a lesson to us all.”  The Watcher sat down heavily in his chair, took his glasses off and pulled a crisp white handkerchief from his pocket, but instead of cleaning his glasses he wiped his eyes.

There was silence again for a few minutes.  Buffy continued to cry without making any noise.  Xander and Anya held hands.  Giles finished dabbing at his eyes and did indeed begin furiously cleaning his glasses.

“A..anyone else, or shall we start the spell?”  Asked Tara, wringing her hands nervously.

“I…I…I gue…I “  Buffy stopped, took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, with a shaky smile she stood up.  “I guess I need to say some stuff.  Firstly I want to thank you all for doing this, for me, for us, for Dawn.  We could never have had a funeral, what with the fact that Dawn  doesn’t exist anymore so this is nice.  To remember her like this I mean, with all the people who loved her.”  Buffy’s voice cracked on the last word but she soldiered on.  “Dawn was my sister, that’s the bottom line of it.  Whatever circumstances brought her into my life, whatever those crazy monks did she was still my little Dawnie and I loved her.  I’ll always love her.  Now she’s gone…the memories I have are real, that’s all that matters to me, not any of the rest of it.  I mean they must be yeah, cos I have photo’s in the album of us together when we were little, so obviously on some level, she’s always been with me, that’s what matters…”  Her voice rose higher as she struggled not to begin crying.  “I let her down, I should have jumped, it should have been me, I’m the Slayer and I couldn’t even protect my own sister.”  Buffy’s tears overcame her again.

“None of this is fair.”  Whispered Anya, surprised to find tears streaming down her own cheeks.  “Why can’t things be fair.”

“Buffy, you mustn’t punish yourself in this way.  There’s no guarantee that if you had taken Dawn’s place that it would have worked.  The walls may still have been broken down, chaos could still have descended on the universe.”  Giles reminded her.

“He’s right Buffy, its true, its not your fault.  This wasn’t a Slayer job.”  Willow tried to reassure her best friend, her voice dropped before continuing.  “It was a key job.”

The oppressive silence crowded over them once more.  Buffy tried to continue but the words wouldn’t come.  She stood looking at the ground in the growing shadows cast by the deep ridge of Ponderosa Pines on the west edge of the cemetery.

“I still should have been able to do something, she was my responsibility”  Buffy wept.

The others sat, regarding her with compassion, wishing there was something they could say or do to ease the pain when a clear British voice rang out in the still evening.

“You did everything you could luv, you did your little sis proud.  You fought her corner at every turn so don’t you dare start doubting yourself, there’s just some things a girls gotta do for herself, and the Bit knew that, right.”

Buffy’s head snapped up towards the trees and everyone else followed her gaze.  Spike came strolling out of the deep shadows and stopped about three foot behind his allotted chair, which was just in line for the last rays of sun.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be here earlier, but I didn’t want to bring out my freckles.”  The bleached blonde spoke hesitantly to the group.  “I’ve been lurking back there in the shade,” he gestured backwards towards the gloom beneath the trees, “it a…, well I wasn’t sure if I’d be welcome, or if it was a private do.”

“Your welcome Spike.”  Buffy stated simply.

Spike gave an uncharacteristic shy smile and continued.  “Well that’s good, thank you, cos I’d like to say a few words about the Bit.”

“Go ahead”.  Said Willow when no one else spoke.

“Well this probably won’t come out very eloquently, I’m not one for the enlightening speeches, I generally just shout my mouth off to hear the sound of my own voice, but I have to say this…since I’ve known you lot, my unlife has taken kind of a down turn.  Things don’t seem to go right.  No, no let me finish,” he said quickly when he saw both Xander and Giles about to butt in.  “I know I’m a vampire, the evil one of the gang and I don’t exactly expect or usually want any respect from any of you.  You’ve all seen what I’m like when I’m not leashed, you know what I’m capable of, I mean we’re not friends are we, I’d be blowing in the wind if you thought I could sink a tooth in to any of you…”

“Yep you really do like the sound of your own voice, or is this actually going anywhere?”  Xander finally blurted.

“Xander.”  Snapped Buffy, then more softly she added.  “Let him finish, we’ve all said what we wanted.”

Spike smiled gratefully at Buffy and carried on.  “I guess the point I’m trying to make is that Dawn didn’t.  She knew me for the what I am now, not then and for some reason she saw something in me worth liking.  She gave me the respect that I probably don’t deserve and the friendship I never knew I needed, hadn’t even thought about in a good long while.  She was just like Joyce, decent yeah, someone I’m glad to have known, someone I certainly won’t forget in a while, that’s for sure.  I don’t know whether it was part of the whole mystical energy or not but she carried, like, a light with her where ever she went.  She’d breeze into my crypt and it was like, while she was there she’d brought the sunshine in with her, just obviously not the burning kind.”  He finished.  He stood with his hands in his duster jackets, gazing out over the darkening cemetery.  “I guess that’s just what I wanted to say.  I wish I could have saved her too luv, but the world don’t work like that.  This was Niblets gig, she knew that, just be happy she got to make the final choice and it wasn’t Glory pulling the strings yeah.  Besides I hear Willow’s been cooking up a spell to make sure she ends up where she belongs.”

“Er yeah and if it’s okay with you Buffy we’d better get started before we lose the rest of the light”  Willow asked.

“Yeah I guess we’re done apart from that.”  Buffy had dried her eyes and calmed herself down whilst listening to Spike.  In fact to the assembled Scooby’s she seemed better than she had in the four days since the averted apocalypse, not happy but relaxed more, like the huge weight that had been on her shoulders ever since they learned Dawn’s true nature, had finally shifted to a more comfortable position.

“Right lets crack on”  Said Xander, leaving his chair and walking to the picnic basket with Tara and Willow.

“Giles will you please do the chant, Will asked me but my throat feels raw at the moment, I think trying to pronounce a lot of Latin right now will only make it worse.”

Croaked Buffy.

“Of course, I’d be honoured to.”  The Watcher moved to the picnic basket also to collect the text he would have to read.

It took a few minutes for Tara and Willow to prepare the spell and hand out all the apparatus.  There was a little bit for everyone to do.  Willow and Tara stood either side of a small fire they had built, throwing in funny smelling herbs and spices.  Anya and Xander took the other two sides of the fire, wafting great pine branches backwards and forwards over it.  Soon the smoke was tearing everyone’s eyes as the rich fumes were fanned around. Giles was positioned a little way behind Willow with Buffy on one side, holding up a fat blue, burning candle and Spike on the other side, in the same stance with a fat red candle.  Willow and Tara stopped chanting just as the sun slipped over the horizon and on cue Giles shouted the Latin translation of :

“TAKE THE SPIRIT OF THE KEY

BALL OF BURNING ENERGY

RENEW THE SOUL THAT ONCE WAS WORN

AND SEE IT SAFE IN HEAVEN’S DAWN”

into the ether.  There was a flash of fierce purple light above there heads, the candles blew out and the fire was suddenly just embers.

“Did it work, is she there.”  Asked Buffy cautiously

“Uh I think so Buffy, I mean I’m pretty sure.  Everything went just like it said in the book.”  Assured Willow.

“I..I..think it must have worked B..Buffy.  W..wherever Dawn’s soul went when she fell through the p..portal, it’s now been p..plopped into heaven.  She’s safe now.”  Tara agreed.

“Yes she’s in a better place now, with your mum.  You can feel better now.”  Said Anya.

“I’ll always miss her.”  Buffy replied quietly.

“We all will, Buff.  Now lets go home and watch cartoons, like she’d want us to.”  Decided Xander, putting his arm around Buffy and starting to lead everyone out of the cemetery.  “You too Spike.”  He called out over his shoulder when the vampire didn’t move.  “All of Dawn’s family.”