We are dynamic figures, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. We have been known to remodel train stations on our lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. We translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, we write award-winning operas, and we manage time efficiently. Occasionally, we tread water for three days in a row. 
We woo women with our sensuous and godlike trombone playing, we can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and we cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. We are experts in stucco, veterans in love, and outlaws in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, we once defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. We play bluegrass cello, we were scouted by the Tigers, and we are the subject of numerous documentaries. When we are bored, we build large suspension bridges in front of the Milan Conference Centre. We enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, we repair electrical appliances free of charge.
We are abstract artists, concrete analysts, and menches. Critics worldwide swoon over our original line of Jolson corduroy evening wear. We don't perspire. We are private citizens, yet we receive fan mail. We have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer, we toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. We bat .400. Our deft floral arrangements have earned us fame in international botany circles. Children trust us. 
We can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. We once read aloud Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish the BBYO CSC that evening. We know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. We have performed several covert operations for the CIA. We sleep once a week; when we do sleep, we sleep in chairs. While on vacation in Canada, we successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to us.
We balance, we weave, we dodge, we frolic, and our bills are "almost" all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, we participate in full-contact origami. Years ago, we discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. We have made extraordinary four course meals using only a gefilte fish and a toaster oven. We breed prizewinning clams. We have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. We have played Hamlet, we have performed open-heart surgery, and we have spoken with Elvis.
But we have not yet gone to college, just typical teenagers in Jolson AZA #317.
