THIS
IS POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING, IF YOU ARE NOT IN A GOOD STATE OF MND, LEAVE
THIS PART OF THE SITE AND RETURN AT A BETTER TIME, THIS WAS WRITTEN TO
PREVENT PEOPLE FROM STARTING TO CUT AND SELF HARM, TO TRY TO SAVE
PEOPLE FROM THIS.
I wrote this back on Ruin your life in response to a thread where someone said their should be a cutting warning label.
I saved it and was looking at it
tonight ...trying to keep myself from cutting myself to shreds..... and
I thought I would post it again....
I just updated it with some ideas that came from vulnerome.
Cutting warning label....
WARNING
....before you make that first
cut remember. You will enjoy this. You will find the blood and pain
release addictive. Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts
that aren't deep and will heal easily ...they will get deeper. They
will scar. They will take sometimes months to heal!!! And years for the
scars to fade! IF you think you can limit the cutting to one area of
your body think again...it will spread when you run out of skin. Be
prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
Even if you are the most honest person ever to live ....you will find
yourself lying to the people you love. You will jerk back from
your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in
poison. You will be terrified that they will feel something under the
cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be
touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control
you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be. Just
wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100....Be prepared for your entire life
to revolve around thinking about cutting ..cutting and covering up
cutting And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep." And you
freak out because the blood won't stop...and you are gaping....and you
feel yourself shaking all over. You are having a panic attack and you
are terrified but you can't tell anyone. So you sit there
alone...praying it will be ok swearing you'll never let it go this far
again...But you will and further. Don't worry, you will learn how to
take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid
the ER. And the better you get at treating your cuts the deeper they
get.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when
you find youself spending 20 , 30 or 50 dollars every time
you go the pharmacy. You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat
everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order. Butterfly
strips...3 or four different kinds
of dressings...betadine....antibiotic cream..medical tape..scar
reducers.....You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will
just move and no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these
things. And at the same time secretly hope someone will
notice...someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same
supplies...someone who understands but of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won't be the only thing you
spend all your money on. Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe...longsleeve
shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands , boots... gloves..the
list goes on and on.
You will start looking at everyone in a
differnent way...Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI... just
hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so
terribly alone. You wont even think about it ..as your eyes scan their
wrists arms...hoping just hoping they will be like you....But they
are not. You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and
alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone.
You will always have to wash your laundry in private so know one sees
the blood stains on your clothes and towels. You will always be
cleaning up the blood..Scrubbing your bathroom floor...wiping the blood
of your keyboard....
You won't be able to make it through a day
without cutting....Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom
somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in
your wallet for emergancies. When you get really desperate anything
will be a cutting tool ...scissors...a car key...a needle ... a
paperclip..even a pen. Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad
enough you will find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted. Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops.
A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
Get ready to itch. Beacuase you will itch and itch ..."so much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease."
You will become an expert on your body
as you destroy it carefully.. You will dream about cutting...you will
dream about being exposed. It will haunt you day and night and
take over your life. You will wish you never made that first cut
because while you absolutely HATE cutting...at the same time you love
it and can not live with out of it.
you have been warned.....
_by D.A.A.
