AsS_kLoWnZ_DOT_Coma

I was with my six year old sister today, because I was supposed to babysit her. She was watching the TV, as usual. I noticed something wrong with the kids shows that were on; EVERYTHING. There is a show called "Higgly Town Heroes" on the disney channel (followed by shudders). Not much wrong with the show except for the fact that they called a garbage man a "hero." A hero? How is a man that disposes of everybody's garbage considered a hero? I consider that a man who didn't finish college. They also called a paramedic a hero. This isn't as bad because he actually helps people- wait no. He didn't help anybody. They called him to take a pregnant woman to the hospital. He put her in the ambulance and then goes to singing and telling the kids about his job. Nice work asshole. "Paging Dr. Dickhead," GET THE FUCK BACK TO WORK! If I were in an ambulance for an injury and the doctor sings and dances for the kids, I would sure heal quick. My leg was hanging on by a thread a minute ago doc, i just ripped it off and crammed it up your ass anyway.

Another little show: "Safety Patrol." These kids go around yelling at others for safety hazards. The leave their dog unattended without a leash, and go bitch at people for not crossing at a crosswalk. They then yell at a little boy for playing Gameboy while waiting for the traffic to clear. "Don't focus on anything but the street" they told him. Fuck you little bastards. Let's see how well you can bitch with my Gameboy down your esophagus. They then find the crossing guard station empty. They say some streets have crossing guards and others don't. Well clearly this one does NOT, assholes. They then see their dog attacking the cross guard for her hot dog, as she runs to the crosswalk. They say "Yes! Our dog found the crossing guard!" Great job being safe assholes, your dog just attacked a fat crossing guard.

Answer: When Your Heart Is Satis-fried

I was eating at a burger king the other day, when my friend and I decided to order the "BK Quad. Stacker," or "The BK Triple Bi-Pass" as I call it. I wouldn't have gotten it except for our coupon to get one free. This had four "patties," four "bacon strips," and four slices of "cheese," and a barbecue sauce to finish it. I stared at my burger for a moment, and realised something; Who the hell needs this much so called "meat?" My answer; one man we saw eating by himself. This man we saw was wearing a red shirt--- Or maybe a circus tent. This is why I call him "Fire Truck." This one man may have saved my life. I finished my heart attack on a bun halfway through and gave it to my friend. Burger King just maybe trying to kill us all.

Next up: Burger king: monarchy?

Monarchy a mockery of America?

I was at Burger King, as you know. I found a small spinner on a mat. The mat read as follows "Let the king decide what you should order." I saw this and it hit me; Burger King is a monarchy establishment. This is America, asshole. The king is dead. Take it back to the castle or wherever asswipe. I also noticed that their advertisements say to "wake up with the king." This only shows their monarchist restaurant establishment for what it is. If the king is always with me, then we have no democracy anymore. I say FUCK YOUR KING IN HIS ROYAL ASS. That'll show em'. Go back to the medivel age king!

ARE BULLSHIT

I noticed a lot of weight loss pills lately. Is it just me or are people getting stupider by the second? Lets take a product that wont stop their ads for literally 2 minutes. It's called Lipozine. Here is what they say in the ads:

• Lipozine helps you lose weight without liposuction
• You don't have to change your life style
• Over 78% of the weight lost by test patients was pure body fat

Heres what it says in fine print, below the ad:

• Over an 8 week period, only 3.86 pounds were lost
• Under the "you don't need to change your lifestyle" crap, it says "diet and exersice are reccomended
• These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, or Food and Deug Administration

Here is one question I have: If 78% of the weight lost in their study is pure body fat, then what the hell is the other 22%?

One more thing, Eight weeks on a pill is not worth only losing 3.86 pounds of 78% fat and 22% "stuff."

I was at the mall today, and I saw a cop car. This surprised me because the cop wasn't anywhere near it bitching about something like they usually are. Then, I noticed that the car was in the fire lane. Not only this, but the car was right in front of the sign stating "Fire lane: Tow zone." I stood there and thought "Holy shit. This has got to be the stupidest thing I have evere seen a cop do." It wasn't even like he could be mistaken about the yellow line. The car is in front of the sign. You know what I did? I told the people at coustomer service about it. The car was gone when I came out. I hope officer porker got towed. That'll show flatfoot.

Gynourmous (or however you spell it) is not a real fucking word in the english language. I didn't think I would live to see the day that advertisments on the television started using non existent words to promote a product. I can live with the misspelling of words in ads, but this? I have seen a few commercials (mostly for cds) use the word gynourmous. Cd commercials promote their product with the phrase gynourmous hits. Where the hell did they hear that was a real word? I even checked two different dictionaries. The word gynourmous is not in either of them. I cant really understand what they're trying to communicate to me without the use of real words. I think people should take it as a hint not to buy a product when the advertisers decided not to consult a dictionary of the language the ad is in for the words they use.

Why the hell do people in my school insist on saying "I'm just kidding" or something to that effect when they answer a question wrong? Is it just going to kill you to accept the fact that you were wrong? Maybe if they put down their Starbucks coffee for a minute and payed attention to the rest of the world, they would notice nobody thinks you were smart to begin with. If a teacher or anyone of authority asks you a question and you get the answer wrong, you are not kidding; you're wrong. If I were a teacher and one of those preppy motherfuckers told me just kidding, I would shit a brick. It would go something like this:

ME: What's 144 divided by 12?

STUPID PREPPY WHORE: 14.

ME: No, its 12.

STUPID PREPPY WHORE: Oh, I was just kidding.

ME: No, you weren't kidding. You were fucking wrong. How about you come over here and let me knock that fact into your head with a fucking pipe you stupid, dumb, bitch?

STUPID PREPPY WHORE: What are you talking about? Why are you so mad? (starts to cry like a bitch)

ME: Get the fuck out of my classroom before i throw you out of it and if I have to; it wont be through an open door or window!

STUPID PREPPY WHORE: (gone and crying)

ME: Now if anyone else says they're just kidding when they're wrong, I'll beat them with a table leg.

See a child fail that class. They'd be kissing my ass all over the place.

 People have had tracking chips planted into their heads by me.