. Wednesday, July 04, 2007 .

You have no idea just how much a little "I miss you." to a friend you haven't talked to in a while could do to brighten up her day. I feel so much lighter now, having received just a little message from Kate. Haha. I love her so much! *grins*

Have you ever wished to be in someone else's shoes? To be able to switch lives, even for just one day? Of course you have. But what if it is to switch lives permanently? It is then that I realize that I pretty much really will not mind living as someone else for one day. But to give up whatever I have right now for someone else? No way, because if you are able to read this in relative comfort, you should realize how fortunate you are. Everybody's lives come with pros and cons. I don't believe that anybody's live is absolutely perfect unless you are so happy with what you have that you do believe it is so. Hah. As if. It's human nature to complain and gripe about just one little crack in the facade of your life, isn't it?

Cheer up, Char. I love you. :D

. Wednesday, June 27, 2007 .

The last time I wrote here, I could still sleep in late and snuggle up to my bolster. Now I have to drag myself up each morning, taking a stupid bath and go to stupid school. I haven't done my holiday homework finish yet, mind you, even though school's started already. It's amazing how lazy I can become. Then again, maybe not. I'm a procastinator and I am lazy. No big surprise. Speaking of surprises, Mdm Fong got a new hair style. It looked as if an amateur hairstylist, who had been turned down at every single hairstyling school possible and had decided to take up jobs on her own while promotiong herself as a "creative hairstylist with the soul of an abstract artist", had gotten to her absolutely fab tresses. Mmm... Just saying.

I don't want to think about the end of the damn year. Time seem to pass so fast and midway through the year, you wake up one morning and realize that "Fuck! I have only half a year left before it's O LEVELS year!". Then you also realize that you pretty much cannot do anything but be swept haplessly along with the flow of time and try to keep yourself afloat in the turbulent river of time as much as possible, even if there are times when you find yourself hopelessly and devastatingly underwater. I'm so sick of stress. Stress kills. You know what else kills? Hopeless wishes.

Do you ever find yourself in a situation when you wish for something that cannot be yours and yet you still wish for that something so much? Do you ever find yourself so horribly jealous of somebody who has that something you desire so much? Of course you have. But life is definitely not fair, especially when you have parents who are unreasonably unreasonable. Which just makes life more unfair. Just a random thought.

I went to have bubble tea with Fel and Arina today. I wonder why my screams of surprise crack people up. Then again, I wonder why I even wonder in the first place. Then I walked back to school so that Char and I can go home together. It was fun and pleasant. *smile* I love you, darling. *grins*

Isn't it fairly amazing that I blogged?

. Monday, June 04, 2007 .

Do I seem like a shallow person? If I don't look like a deep person, I must seem shallow, must I not? I wonder what people perceive me as. The fat, loser geek who always her nose buried in a book? The attention-seeker who talks too loud and laughs too much? The slow imbecile? The fatass who always has that aforementioned fat ass planted before a computer screen? Perhaps any one of these then? I can't be bothered right now. Did I ever mention I like writing? No, not writing compositions for English class, whichever moron out there who guessed that. It's fun and nobody can restrict what I write and what I want. Did I ever mention I love my bolster? It has been with me since I was a baby. The cotton's all lumpy and the original bolster case is still intact fortunately. I love it. I love to cuddle with it under the blanket and I drool on it occassionally. What, don't tell me you don't have that special something from your childhood? This is mine so back off.

Over and out. I don't feel like blogging. I find it redundant and a complete waste of time. I don't know why I even do it anymore. That should explain the lack of entries, should it not?

. 19 May 2007 .

I'm just feeling a bit nostalgic or rather melancholic to be more accurate. It's strange how people don't appreciate what they have until it is far too late. Like how some yearn for the Secondary One or Two days, not necessarily because you miss your friends, not saying that you don't, but more of the fact that, back then, there was not so much stress and the need for teachers to repeatedly drum and emphasis on our O Levels, on the "Headquarters of King's English" AKA Cambridge. I do believe that we rather get the idea, thankyouverymuch. I'm a lazy fatass. I don't really do studying. I procastinate, more of than I do than studying during the exam period. Except when I was Sec One. I was so enthusiastic about getting my first MP3 Player that I studied during the night. I don't do that. I prefer studying in the day. No idea how people study at night. It's for sleeptime.

I like thinking. It gives me something to do. It makes me have someone to talk to in this dark cave of a mind I have. I don't think it's dark, really. Nobody can really tell if it's dark in here, could they? Unless it's literal. I don't like to wear home clothes when I go out with my friends. No, Joanne. It doesn't mean I LOVE my school uniform, dumbass. I like wearing home clothes when nobody I know outside of my family can see me. That, I like. I think I am easily irritated. I think I am liable to burst out randomly at someone when I truly cannot take it anymore. I think I embarrass the people around me. I think that is a family trait. My father is as liable as a lion is to eat meat when it comes to screaming in anger in PUBLIC when he is furious. I hate it. I hate him when it happens. I don't think my family's particularly embarrassing. Would I be prepared to do whatever it takes to help them? Would the time arise when that would be tested?

Singaporeans are not really an open, accepting, friendly lot, are they? There are incidences in the Straits Times' Forum page when people write in to complain about the public displays of affection observed. As like there is light and dark, there are obviously two sides to a coin. People are unreasonable and people do not tend to agree. I guess fighting has been an integral to a part of human society, no matter what country or continent one should come from. Have you read the news? I don't really understand war. If it's for a better world for the countries' people, does death and destruction from war bring about the better world? If it's over religion, would war make the rest of the world accept and see the religion in a different light? If it's over politics in the case of the a civil war... Well, I don't know. I guess to fight, one would have a cause, a reason, to reach for. Like I had said before, I suppose fighting is just simply people did best. Between siblings, between neighbours, between couples, between families, between countries and nations. It simply could not be helped, I guess.

Over and out. <3

. 12 May 2007 .

I have an orange shower curtain. I pull it over when I bathe but the floor still gets wet. I have no idea why. I like the colour orange. But I love green. My sister scared me into the shower just now. She stuck her head in the gap between the doorjamb and the door and started snickering. I looked at the sink and wondered if someone was under there. I dismissed it as my imagination then when I went to close the door, her head was there. I screamed and my brother told me to shut up. I should have slammed the door in her face. I didn't though.

I attempt to be poetic and fail. My writing can just remain at this immature level, I suppose. I am greatly influenced by Meg Cabot's writing. I wonder if I have my own style of writing. I wonder if my vocabulary truly sucks. I think I would be depressed if I do. It means I am not reading much anymore. I love reading. I love writing. I love daydreaming. I love thinking. I love talking. I love laughing. I hate myself. I talk too loud. I laugh too loud. I think I irritate people. I'm selfish. I'm self-absorbed. I don't realize when I am so. I ask stupid questions. I hate my primary school. I hate the people who go there. I hate myself in primary school.

Two of my primary school teachers are retiring and 6 Loyalty 2004 is going back to see them. I'm not going. I can't be bothered. I hate my primary school. I wasted six years of my life there. I became who I am in secondary school and I'm not sure if it's for better or worst. I wonder what people are thinking all the time. I talk to myself way too much. I admonish myself for talking to myself and realize that when admonishing, I am talking to myself. I realize that everybody must talk to themselves. I feel stupid. When people say they're fat, they're not. When I say I'm fat, I am. What people appear to be may not really be what they are like. I wish they would. I wish that people did not have so many aspects of their personality. I'm gullible and trusting. I gossip a lot when I was in primary school. I read my P5-P6 journal yesterday. I am amazed at my superficiality and idiocy.

How immature I am now cannot be compared to how immature I had been in P5-P6. I envy my friends. I hate myself. I feel like a gigantum beached whale. I realize that I am. I am a failure and can never really stick to my word to myself. I procastinate a lot. I am lazy. I hate moving. I love sitting here and typing. I love saying random things. I poked my brother and blamed my father. I call my brother "moronic idiot" so many times. I wonder if he takes it to heart. I would think not. If he was affected, he would long have committed suicide or killed me. I hate not living up to my own expectations. I hate not doing well. I say "fuck" a lot. I try to stop and forgets about it. I promised to wash the pot and plates yesterday for my mother in the car and when I reached home, I turned on the computer and forgot about it.

I pretend to be blur or to be not listening when I hear something I don't like or don't want to answer. It works. I won't know if I blushed. I don't understand how you can tell someone is blushing. I'm a sucker for romance and cliches. I love love. I love reading about it. It's sweet. I wonder if it's real. I wonder if people really know what "love" is. It's amazing how many stories I've read that says sixteen-year-olds find love. I'm fifteen in October. Americans are more mature than Singaporeans. I have a Californian friend, Zoe. We used to be really close but school started and I don't see her online much. She's bi and I love her. Her hair's dyed different colours and she loves make-up. I don't understand make-up. I think it's useless. I hate shopping because I think people will look at me and think, "She can never fit into that." I am only comfortable in shops with my friends because I can just follow them and whine. I love shopping for books.

Over and out. <3

. 04 Friday 2007 .

It's the last day of the first week of mid-years! Whoot! I decided to blog to commemorate this day and because I haven't done so in a while. :] I'm going to include pictures for the first time in my blogging career! Yep! :] <- I just felt like typing that. Hehe. :D

This is the first picture. From left: Joanne, Charmaine, ME and Tammie. At first we had trouble taking the picture 'cos the camera ( phone camera ) is a bit small. But we managed in the end. :] See the green background? Hah, I love green. That was taken in Ikea Tampines today. We had loads of time to spare and went to Char's house after the paper. There we watched How The Grinch Stole Christmas. The little girl's simply adorable. Then we decided to go to Ikea to eat and they changed into home clothes 'cos Char loaned them clothes. *angry face* Except for me of course. I told them not to change! HMPH! And did anybody listen to me? Noooooo... In any case, we went there and pooled our money together to buy the Swedish meatballs *drools*, Fish with Chiver Sauce, two Chicken Wings, a Diam cake and cheesecake. Mmmm... Lunch. *drools* Then we just walked around Ikea, looking at those displays and sqeauling what we feel are nice. Yep. It was fun.

And this is a dog I took picture of at Pet Safari on Wednesday ( I think ) when we went to Eastpoint. We had meant to head to my house initially 'cos I just moved and they haven't seen it before. Then we spent too much time wandering around Eastpoint and didn't go to my house in the end. Yep. It's adorable!

I've been slacking a lot for this year's mid-years. It's like the first exam after this year's common tests that I've been so unprepared. Somewhat. I mean when I was in Sec 2, I'd study like... two weeks before or something. And the thing is, we had the time to. I'm a self-professed geek. :] In any case, I doubt I can do well for this mid-years. Shit. There goes my 500 bucks! *sobs* We've been going out like every single day after the papers too. This is bad, isn't it? Well, next week's papers aren't much to study for anyways. Since E and A Maths have already been studied for. And I have the weekend to run through Chemistry. That's the subject I want to score an A1 badly in. I don't want to disappoint. :] I love Chemistry. *scratches head* I'm such a nerd. Hehe.

Can you see the beady, little rat eyes peeking out at you? His name is Roofus, and don't anyone say anything about it!

Over and out. <3

. 22 April 2007 .

I AM SO FREAKING PISSED OFF! WHAT THE FUCK DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS?! We're freaking teenagers, what the fuck do you expect?! Just because some of your fucking students decided to go "whack" those people doesn't mean that majority of other people do! That's being way too pragmatic. TK doesn't even have that kind of people! What are you on?! If we don't laugh, joke and just generally be teenagers, where the fuck do you expect us to be so?! In the TOILET?! It's not even my bloody fault anyways. LIKE I HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEM HUMMING THEIR STUPID BRAINS OUT! FUCK. Sometimes, I really I had never been born. Why the hell does the world have such sadistic, psychotic, stupid, idiotic, crazy, cruel, good-for-nothing, fucked-up arses?! It isn't fair at all that just because of those people, others considered their compatriots, their peers, get into trouble as well?! It's not as if everybody's like that! Accepted, perhaps some are, but not all! Just like that article I read in the Straits Time about how the whites are going to react to Asian Americans after the Virginia Tech incident. It isn't fair, but it's happening. I saw an interesting cartoon in the newspapers today too. "In Virginia: A Day of Horror... In Baghdad... Just Another Day."

Sorry about my extremely colorful language. I'm angry.

. 16 April 2007 .

Today's a slightly happy day. I shall not waste my time making my entry particularly confusing or thought-provoking, though Arina's blog always puts mine to shame, vocabulary and readership wise. She used the word 'segregate' on me and I had absolutely no idea what the hell it means. Psh. Oh wells. Anyways, this morning, Qwrene sat next to me! AHAHAHAHA! HAPPY HAPPY DAY! She sat next to me and explained for a long, long, long-enough-to-make-Jess-jealous time. I seriously and truthfully did not understand that question. Hehe. Maybe... Maybe not. In any case, logarithms sucks. Arina asked Qwrene a good question today: "How would logarithms apply to our future?" She said it herself. What do you expect out of our 3D's next chairperson? Hehe. OW seems to really like "the intelligent one" AKA Arina a lot, doesn't he? Teehee.

We ran 2.4 today. My timing barely scraped me an E. But I couldn't care less really, whether I got a bronze, silver or gold. Because, really, what are the chances of me getting a gold? So in any case, he said that perhaps we would have to re-run. Heh. I don't think so. I think I'm going to have a fever that day, don't you? He has got to be kidding me. After dragging myself through those six bloody rounds and managing to pass, however pathetic and mediocre it may be, he wants us to do again?! Yeah... sure...

They're cold today... :(

. 10 April 2007 .

A partiality that prevents objective consideration of an issue or situation
That is only one of the many meanings of prejudice, but they aren't relevant, so I picked out this particular one instead. Simply put, being prejudiced means being biased. Prejudice can be present in anytime, anywhere and in absolutely any aspect of life. It is not neccessarily prejudiced against a race, religion or nationality. It could also be prejudiced, biased, favouring towards a certain person, for example. I would never know if making one feel bad could be your intention, but it certainly has that result, especially since if one if painfully aware of the fact that she has more than dreadful features. Having the name called over and over again, with obvious partiality, is more than sufficient to make one cringe in distaste.

Popularity contest. You have to admit that life is nothing but a race in a popularity contest where plastic personas and pleasing features trump out all others. Superficiality is well and alive in any society and I have to admit that I am, as well, a guilty partaker in such a trait. How many stories about pretty, blonde, perfect high school cheerleaders being the Queen Bees do one have to read to get the message? I suppose this is found in our very own society as well. A person's appearance is what one usually takes note of first, because how would you know if the person is a jovial, witty, interesting character before getting to know him or her better? Oh, yes. Outward appearances matter greatly and usually, it is those qualities that grant one to such power and responsibilities that, perhaps, might have been more suitably held in the hands of someone with less fine features. How would one know that the best-looking isn't the best responsibility-taker until it is far, far too late? There is little one can do to change the fact that looks matter greatly anyways, unless the world is completely turned upside down on its axis or when the traditional saying of pigs flying, should the fact that one's exterior matter much.

The above has been stated for the benefit of my dear Arina. :) Hope it eases your "suckishness" a bit? You did say you want me to blog about this. Don't complain. Hmph.

. 5 April 2007 .

Fun... Haven't had that in about a while really. So much things to do; tests, the History IPW, netball practices, friends. Heh, friends. Yeah... Sometimes, my paranoia and sensitivity - Isn't it ironic? I have been referred many times by Jo as insensitive and yet Arina says I'm way too sensitive. :) Now, I guess I am insensitive again. I thought really wrong, I suppose. - are not unfounded emotions. I admit that there are times when I can be really stupid and overreacting, like the case of Felicia and Cecilia for dao-ing me for reasons so ludicrous I find not the need to soil my blog with it, but I'm not like that all the time. Like I just realized, for reasons I can't tell. If you don't already get what I'm talking about, don't bother asking, okay? :) Anyways. Yes, friends.

It's agonizing, how I was in primary school. Making friends and socially interacting has always an extremely painful activity for me. Fat, awkward, shy and just blurting stupid things, that was the way I went. "Are those frameless glasses?" -_- Yeah... That's a real-life example. Laugh and poke, people, laugh and poke. I am overjoyed to have more friends in sec school - okay, I'm a loser. *sniff* I know. - and Sammi, a really OLD and close friend, agrees that it's really no small wonder I'm happier here than pri school. :/ That's the truth. Yvette was a loser who could never pick up the courage to talk normally to others to save her life. I suck.

I don't really think I'm a very decisive person at all. Making decisions... I'd rather pass on that and sit on the shaky, broken, splintered, wooden fence that creak and groan under my weight. Especially if... I consider both sides equally important to me. Don't make my decisions for me... or, I guess, it's settled then isn't it? When my decision is made before I could even consider it so or even bothering to entertain the mere notion of facing one so huge and scary. Avoiding and running forever... I wish I could do that. I wish decisions would avert me like the plague. Heh. Decision plague. What about that? It's like when I was deciding what classes to take in Sec 3. I changed them at the very last minute.

People are able to affect and influence me greatly in the littlest ways they consider extremely insignificant. I'm like that. I observe things, I say things, I go home and think about them and I hit myself over my head for even saying those things. Then I'll overanalyze the situation and wonder if the person hates me now. I'll wonder if the person is angry now. This little inherent trait of mine got me into serious trouble with a friend once. I don't want to go through that heart-pounding torture ever again. :)

On a lighter note, Rashid cracked me up again. Hehe. During Chem as usual. Right, Arina and Felicia?

I just can't.

. 29 March 2007 .

Hehe. Today was quite fun really. I laughed so hard and much. Especially after the English test - which by the way was rather okay I suppose except for certain questions I was sure I fucked up - when Arina and I went to Katong Mall and sat in the air-conditioned place, drinking bubble tea and just talking. I was recounting to Arina what happened during Chemistry which made me giggle or snort everytime I think about it. I hope no one saw me snickering away to myself and wondering, "Why the fuck is Yvette laughing to herself?" Because I had a valid reason I swear! Anyways, it was fun today. I did feel kind of blah and down in the morning though. Chemistry sure cheered me up. *grins*

And seriously, some people sitting around me are pissing me off so bad. Look, I had mentioned before that I had a temper and I am absolutely not afraid to use it. People have their limits and considering how brash and stupid I might act when I am pissed off, I can only hope I don't resort to violence. I know I am violent though. Hehe. It's an inherent trait of mine. Just ask Jo. *smiles sweetly* Don't you know it well, Joanne? Well, in any case, please fucking stop with the fucking paper balls. I know that I am fucking fat and make an awesome target. Just stop it, okay? I'm seriously getting fucking pissed off.

Well, that's about it. Oh and 3D failed to get into finals for Netball. Period.

Over and out.

Cheer up, Felicia. :]

. 22 March 2007 .

Well. There's so much to say and so much to do. Let me start from the beginning, from whatever I neglected to mention in the earlier post.

Ms Mildred Yap is on leave for one month and some little 18-year-old took over her classes. She sucks, period. Such an inexperienced teacher. I mean, seriously. If my Geog marks drop, I'm gonna kill her. But before that, I'll pluck her eyelashes out one by one, then pull her fingernails out one by one and finally skin her alive, that lousy teacher. ONE fucking MONTH! So close to mid-years dammit. Oh, how would we fare with Ms Yap? She's the best Geog teacher I know so far, I tell you. Also, Mr Wee is away for a week and Ms EdiSon took over, okai? OHMYGOD! She said okay, okai?! Gah, stupid teachers.

Also, the annual TK Games Days have started for the respective levels. It was supposed to be Sec 2 & 3 yesterday and Sec 1 & 4 today. The freaking rain spoiled things yesterday, thank god it had the sense to stop soon after. As for today, it just went on... You guys want to know a secret? It's the band's fault. *glares* I don't care! It's their fault! *pouts* So now, the Sec 4 games that did not manage to be played today will be on Monday after the Sec 1 Netball games. It's different for Netball games. It was Sec 2 yesterday, Sec 4 today and some on Mon as I had said, Sec 1 on Mon and Sec 3 ( US! ) on Tuesday! YAY! I can't wait. I hope we can at least get into the finals! I mean, our class Basketball and Soccer got into the finals, imagine if NETBALL didn't... How lao kiu. *grimace*

Well, that's it.

. 19 March 2007 .

Wow. I haven't updated this blog for exactly ten days! Haha, fantastical <- Note, that is turning into Yvette's fave word to use. Well, it's back to school and the grind. Finally, the damn English teachers returned us our papers today. I got only a B3 - 20 1/2. I'm none too happy to say the least. You can feel like slapping me for saying that - *cough cough* Felicia *cough cough* - but... I'm kinda disappointed in myself. *sigh* I can't believe school's started already... along with Netball. Bleh. *runs around in circles* Stupid CCA... Stupid Bok... Stupid BOK... :( I'm gonna die man... DIE, I TELL YOU ALL!

Well, on a brighter note... Hah, wait a minute, I just realized that there really isn't any brighter note. Pfffffffft. What, with school starting and all, you expect a bloody brighter note? Okay, whatever. Oh, yeah! Joanne should be happy about this piece of news Char gave us this morning. He's single! Hehe. I can just see her jumping up and down with joy! Well... okay, maybe not. I bet she'll kill me if I talk anymore though. You know... the whole sideways evil looking thingy. *shudder* Scary man... Oh, yeah. Cecilia's pretty scary too. O_O I'm a dead, dead girl.

Over and out.

. 9 March 2007 .

Joanne's such a pro at the sideways glare look thingy!
Please don't murder me. One should really take a look at her murderous, even-if-I'm-little-I-can-kill! look. Seriously, it's creepy and unnatural for her to possess such evil in such a little body. *shivers* Not to worry, most of the time she's lucid and doesn't go around slapping people like she does when around me, I swear. I just aggravate her so. I do wonder why... ( Though I have to point out that if one should know me well enough, the doubt as to why I am oh-so often bullied would go unfounded and completely ridiculous. )

I had a lot of fun today. I laughed, arguably one of life's best medicine. It's fun too and... it makes school life truly much more enjoyable. I love this reel/class family thing 3D has going on. It cracks me up. *grins* The thought of SK being our pet bitch is highly laughable. I mean, think about it. She's so aptly cast, isn't she? Oh, and "Father-In-Law" decided to cheat on "Mother-In-Law" with a guy today. Tragic. We have a gay in the family. It's really no wonder where "Grandson" gets it from, is there? I do believe I heard him say he wants to be a gay. *laughing my ass off* Oh, no. You are half-lesbian, honey.

3D may be boring at times, however. I mean... I remember how Jagdish and Co. would just crack random jokes... and I always have Char and Tam nearby, y'know? Still, I had fun today, so I am not one to complain when poor Arina only has Jia Ming for laughs. Contary to laughing at jokes, she's laughing at him. Niccccceeeeeeeee...

She and Char came over today. Fooled around with the computer and all. Oh, and Arina and I rushed back to TK just 'cos I recieved a call from Cecilia saying that the fucking people are throwing away our stuff. Arina wasted her 3.50, more or less. Seriously though, it is highly unfair for them to be doing this! I mean, there was no warning beforehand save for the announcement this morning. At least let us know a day before, dammit. I mean, they should understand that students, especially those in the higher levels, find no need to take home books that had no work that needed to be done that day and as the days go by... the stack goes higher as well. The amount of books present under my desk... You get the idea. It's so unfair that they were just going to dump our books like that... faggots...

. 6 March 2007 .

*gaspasm* What's this? Yvette's blogging> Jesus christ, the whole world has ended! I guess I'm just really fucked up right now. I feel so frustrated and heavily-hearted most of the time now since the whole fupid Kate-Jade thing came about. I wish I could just pick one side, you know? The whole bloody thing just seems ridiculous to me. *sighs* I don't know.

Sometimes I just feel so unneeded and somewhat like an old netball someone doesn't need usually but uses when she doesn't have a choice. I say, sometimes. :)

I'm glad I have you, Char.

. 5 Match 2007 .

God, things are becoming more and more messed up between my online friends... I don't really know what to say about it and I don't really know what I can do about it. But I know that I can keep out of it for one. And I'm trying to. :(

. 3 March 2007 .

Yeah, so today was the Chinese New Year Lunch thing. I really learned that old people really, really don't want to be helped unless they do need it. :/ I said "Gong Xi Fa Cai" to this old lady and she was all "Wo men ke yi zhi ji lai." which means "We can walk by ourselves" otherwise translated into "I don't need your help." Well, I was just trying to help, thankyouverymuch. Really, I had no idea old people were so sensitive on this whole helping subject. Much as I get that they would not want to be a burden on others and stuff like that, can't they get it as well that young people like us just want to help? And really, inform us politely if you don't need the help. It's not like we plan to use the helping as a guise to rob you or something. :/

Yup, so anyway. Today was fun. Until Char slapped me. Yup, you heard it right. CHARMAINE SLAPPED ME. For NO reason. Seriously. She suddenly came and slapped this cheapo sticker badge thing they gave us on my cheek. I'm sorry, but I can only possibly express myself properly in words and please don't mention this in school or offline, okay? Good. Anyways. Just because I laugh it off or joke all the time doesn't mean it's okay. :/ And people do think I can never hide my emotions. Ah, how fooled and deluded they are. *smiles sweetly* Sometimes... just sometimes and these instances are very few, I feel as if nobody understands me... Well, maybe nobody does. Who knows? The things I love and the people I adore are very important to me, and please don't ever insult them. At least, not in front of me, 'cos you're someone who doesn't matter to me at all, I won't hesitate in snapping your effing head off at all. I have a temper and I have a voice. When I am pissed, I don't hesitate in using them at all. Just thought people would like to know.

And seriously, it's always me doing something, isn't it? Sure, I go around slapping people. Nice... Real nice. Look, I realise that I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing... You know, bullying. I know my limits, okay? So yeah, maybe I'm just being "touchy". Maybe I deserve it, for all the bullying I've done. I don't really disagree with the latter, but the former... Like I said, just because I laugh it off or joke all the time doesn't mean it's okay. I don't really know how to express myself in spoken words, and writing has always been a way of expressing myself all along.

And I know that I'm a pathetic loser, always on the computer all day long. What other things could I be doing really? Sleep? Night is for that. Read? I'm planning to donate sometime to doing so. Study? I'm a loser, not a fucking nerd. Exercise? *snorts* Has anyone seen the size of me recently? So yeah. What else could I do? Nothing much. Besides, I really have friends online and stuff, from Quizilla. They mean a lot to me, just as much as my real life friends do. 'Cos I'm a pathetic loser even more so in primary school. :/ One can really never survive without friends even they exasperate and frustrate you so much sometimes...

I hope I didn't freak anybody out with this post. I just want to say what I am feeling now and what I am feeling now is slightly pissed off and hurt. I would have probably gotten over it by Monday... Probably. Anyways. Just don't ever mention this post okay? Oh, and if anybody's mean to or hurts any of my friends - a particular one whose names starts with an M - fuck off, fastard.

Edited

I really feel like crying right now... I think I made one of my online friends, a close one, hate me. I know that people will be like, "Online friends only what." but my friends, online or offline, really mean a lot to me, okay? And... It's not easy being between two friends, who aren't exactly friendly right now. Especially since both of them means lots to me. :( I feel like a backstabber. I talked about the first friend to another about the first friend's friends. I didn't think I said anything particularly bad... Or maybe I did. I don't know. I feel really miserable right now and I don't know how I'm going to treat them now. I think... I'm afraid of going onto QZ now... I don't know. :( I need help, please?

. 2 March 2007 .

When Yvette is singing in the rain on Orchard Road...
you know that she has gone high... And that I was for this afternoon.

I had woken up super excited for today afternoon's outing. I know, lameass right? -_- Ha, okay. We went to Orchard, despite Tam's highly unreasonable and totally mental mother. It was fun, except for the parts when they went to Watson and began poring over lip glosses or eyeliners. I think that they might have looked at possibly every tube there is there. God, I was damn bored. Ah, what to expect. Me this kind of person. Seriously, I don't exactly abhor make-up. There are occassional and far-and-between moments when I find myself fingering a tube of gloss or bottle of polish, wondering if I should get it. They are, however, seriously far and between. I seriously don't get the make-up stuff. :/ I think it's pretty much useless... and not to mention terrifying. :P We went to Kino and Borders too. Tam got her Gossip Girl book and I got mine respectively.

Tomorrow, Char, Jo, Arina, Felicia and I will be heading off to do some community work. Too bad Tam has tuition. :( It will be funner with you. Okay, I think I'm gonna head off now... Must wake up early tomorrow!

<3 Yvette