Armored Assassins

[Flying some 30,000 miles above the large city of Nonsteropolis is an enormous airship of sorts. Not many people know what it is or why it continuously flies above the city; that is, except for those aboard the ship - a team of mercenaries known as the Armoured Assassins. It is a typical morning for them, as they prepare for another day of mercenary....ing.]

 Blizzard: 'Morning, comrades! 

 Zedfelos: 'Morning, Reg!

 Regulus: Don't call me that. Now, I have something rather important to say....

[Enigma suddenly runs in, an urgent look on his face.]

 Enigma: Bad news! The TV's broken!

 Zymeth: Did you try turning it on?

 Enigma: Yes.

 Regdar: Didja try pluggin' it in?

 Enigma: Yes....

 Raven: ....You know, just thinking of this now, it helps if you're actually trying to work the TV and not a bare wall.

 Enigma: Oh, that explains it.

 Regulus: Right. As I was saying....

[Misty gallops in with Sora following her.]

 Misty: 'Morning, everyone!

[Regulus stomps his foot down, causing the room to shake]

 Regulus: Will SOMEONE pay attention to me?!

 Enigma: [Raises hand]

 Regulus: Aww, you're such a kiss-ass, go have a treat.

 Enigma: Huzzah! [gets ready to bound off, but Regulus grabs him by the collar]

 Regulus: I was just kidding. Regardless, now that I have your attention... Interpol needs us to work on some string of bank-robberies. Supposedly, these guys have impressive powers. That's why they gave us the job.

 Misty: Cool, Reg.

 Zedfelos: How come I don't get to call you Reg?

 Regulus: Because I hate you, now let's go.

 Zedfelos: Waaah!

***

Raijin: Later, in Nonsteropolis, which is in NO way meant to be confused with MONsteropolis...

 Regulus: Is it just me, or does it feel like I just dropped 10 IQ points?

 Zymeth: Nah, I'm feeling it, too.

 Sora: Sooo... where do we start?

 Regulus: Well, the fastest way would be to observe their pattern and try to predict where they'll strike next.

[A police car screeches by as a man dressed in an expensive business suit that's slightly singed runs up to the Assassins.]

Well-to-do-business-man: Oh, good, it's the Armored Assassins. Please, they're robbing the bank!

 Misty: That was... pretty easy.

 Regdar: Maybe they're the bust down the door types.

 Regulus: Let's move out!

[The Assassins arrive at the bank to find group of bank-robbers armed with strange pistols. The police cars have already been riddled with melted bullet holes.]

 Zymeth: Halt, rapscallions!

[The bank-robbers fire at Knightman, only to have the blasts reflect harmlessly off the armor.]

Bank Robber 1: What?!

Bank Robber 2: Everyone, get him!

[All the bank robbers start to blast Zymeth, to no effect. The knight looks to Blizzard, who shrugs.]

 Enigma: I think there's been steep decline in the effectiveness of criminals lately...

 Regulus: [holding a criminal by his collar] You got that right. The cops had trouble with these guys?

Bank Robber 2: Yeah, so what?

 Regulus: So, I'm going to have to crush your skull if you don't tell me who you're workin' for.

 Sora: What makes you so sure they're working for someone?

 Zedfelos: Crappy two-bit criminals always have some sort of big boss. Don't you watch TV?

 Enigma: He's got a point, Aladdin.

 Sora: Don't call me that!

 Regulus: Well, I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this....Zymeth?

 Zymeth: [Holds mace against the thief's noggin]

Bank Robber 2: Okay, we'll tell ya! We'll tell ya!

Bank Robber 1: You crazy? The boss'd kill us!

 Enigma: A-ha! So you are working for some criminal mastermind.

 Sora: Yes, we just deduced that.

 Raven: Enough stalling. Tell us where we can find this supposed criminal kingpin.

Bank Robber 1: Okay, okay! Here....

[The crook produces a notepad and pen and quickly scribbles something down. Raven takes the notepad and examines it.]

 Raven: It says N-429, E-157.

 Regulus: So, these are supposed to be co-ordinates to your boss's whereabouts?

Bank Robber 2: Yeah, honest! Just please put me down.

[Regulus painfully drops the thug to the floor, with absolutely no concern whatsoever for being gentle. A trio of police officers quickly run in to arrest the two crooks.]

 Regulus: Alright, gang; let's find that crime boss!

 Zymeth: Ah, I can already taste the pain I'm going to inflict on him.

 Misty: ....You scare me.

***

[Some time later, the Assassins arrive at the location specified by the note.]

 Regulus: Well, comrades, here we are.

 Regdar: Looks like a dingy ol' warehous t' me.

[Indeed, the apparent "secret hideout" is nothing more than a run-down old abandoned warehouse.]

 Enigma: Well....at least they're sticking with tradition.

[The Assassins slowly enter; the interior is dim and musty, with only a few barely-operable bulbs and several cracked windows providing any source of light.]

 Raven: Be careful, everyone. We have no idea what this fellow is capable of.

 Enigma: YOWCH! [Leaps back as an exploding dart suddenly hits at his feet]

 Regdar: What in tarnation?!

Mysterious voice: Hello there. The Armoured Assassins, I presume?

 Raven: And if we are?

 Misty: Who are you?

Mysterious voice: Oh, how rude of me! Where are my manners? Allow me to introduce myself.

[From the shadows, a slender man dressed in a silver-white tuxedo, feathered hat and masquerade eyemask steps out.]

Mysterious figure: I am [strikes cool pose] the infamous Phantom Mask, Silver Feather!

[The Assassins blink.]

 Zedfelos: Silver....Feather?

Silver Feather: Indeed. Startled by my brilliance, are you?

 Sora: Quite the opposite, actually.

 Enigma: Yeah. I mean, dude, you're supposed to be some super-criminal, and you're wearing super-fancy clothes?

Silver Feather: What? You dare mock me? How very rude of you!

 Regdar: Get used t' it, pal.

Silver Feather: Well, then, I would advise you to....DUCK!

[Several darts are suddenly fired from the launcher of Feather's wrist. The Assassins easily manage to dodge them.]

 Zedfelos: What, that's it?

Silver Feather: Not quite.

[More darts are fired, this time at Zedfelos, Misty and Sora. Zed manages to blow away the darts with a burst of wind, while Sora burns a few more with his flamethrower. Misty, however, is hit in the chest.]

 Misty: Oof!

Silver Feather: Hahaha! How do like my exploding darts?

 Sora: You suck!

 Misty: Oh, you're gonna get it now!

[Misty's buster transforms into a bow, from which she fires an arrow at Feather. However, he simply vanished from view with a swish of his cape and reappears behind her.]

Silver Feather: No getting away, now! [Sprays sticky webs, entangling the centaur's legs.]

 Regdar: Eat tomahawk! [Throws a Silver Tomahawk.]

Silver Feather: I don't think so! [Warps away from the twirling tomahawk.]

 Regulus: Damnit, this guy's too fast!

[The Silver Feather appears behind Zymeth.]

Silver Feather: Hello.

 Zymeth: Gah! Where'd you come from?

Silver Feather: I do believe it was from over there.

 Zymeth: Why you little....

[Knight Man swings his Knight Crusher, but alas, the thief is much too fast for him.]

Silver Feather: Oh, come on. You losers are much too weak for m-- OW! [The Feather is suddenly hit by a spinning Plant Barrier.] Who hit me?

 Raven (petals spinning around him): That would be me.

Silver Feather: Well, then - take th--

 Enigma: Not so fast!

[Silver Feather is suddenly hit by the Yamato Spear flung by the samurai.]

Silver Feather: ARGH! You miserable rapscallion!

 Misty: Hey, Feather-boy?

[Silver Feather looks over to the side, only to be slammed into as Centaur Gal charges head-first twoards him.]

Silver Feather (flying through the air): I thought you were trapped!

 Misty: I got out.

[Feather soars several feet through the air, only to land at the consecutive feet of Blizzard, Knight and Plant.]

 Regulus: Well, well, comrades, look what the cat dragged in.

 Zymeth (cracking knuckles): Get ready for a good ol' medieval-style ass-whooping.

 Raven: Alright, Mr. Feather - we've got you now.

Voice: HOLD IT!

[The Assassins all look over to the door to see a strange figure entering. He is wearing a brown-grey trenchcoat, black trousers and a dark-coloured tie with slick, streaked black hair. He smirks slightly as he enters the warehouse and heads over to Silver Feather.]

 Raven: And who might you be?

Man: [Flashes badge] Inspector Noguchi, Interpol agent. I'm here to credit your success in aprehending this sneaky crook.

Silver Feather: I'm not a crook!

Noguchi: I've been observing your activitie some time now and, as Interpol is a global task force, we would like to hire you.

 Enigma: Hire us?

 Sora: So, like, we'd be police officers?

Noguchi: Pretty much. After all, you are mercenaries, right?

 Zymeth: Well, I suppose....

 Regulus: We'll take it.

 Raven: I concur. This would not only improve our repetoir, we would also be aiding in the eradication of crime all throughout Nonsteropolis.

Noguchi: Right. Now to arrest this --

[Noguchi and the Assassins are shocked to find that Silver Feather is gone, leaving only a note behind. Raven picks it up and examines it.]

 Raven (reading note): "So long, Armoured Assassins! Better luck next time! ~ Silver Feather".

Noguchi: Damnit, that's the third time this week!

 Enigma: Well, we'll get him next time. 'Cos now you've got the Armoured Assassins on your side!
 
[Enigma strikes a cool pose, only for everyone to walk away on him.]

 Enigma: Aw....

***

[Later, back at the Flying Fortress....]

 Zymeth: Well, that was quite an escapade, wouldn't you say?

 Zedfelos: Eh, it wasn't that bad. I'd give it a 6/10.

 Raven: I believe the question was rhetorical.

 Zedfelos: What, now?

 Enigma: Hey, this badge is pretty nifty! Look out, world: I'm Interpol agent, Yamato Man!

 Sora: Er....could you not do that ever again?

 Misty: I like our new jobs! We get to help people!

 Zymeth: Not to mention tear apart all sorts of criminals, heheheh....

 Misty: ....You still scare me.

 Regulus: Well, I like to think we all learned a little something today.

 Misty: That crime doesn't pay?

 Sora: That villains have absolutely no imagination?

 Regdar: That 'Nigma's a moron?

 Enigma: HEY!

 Zedfelos: Ha, you're the moron now!

 Regulus: No. Well, yes, but I was actually going to say that whaling on bad guys is tons of fun.

 Zymeth: You can say that again.

 Enigma: Whaling on bad guys is -- [Knight Crusher'd]

[And so the Armoured Assassins stopped a mysterious new foe and became official agents for Interpol! Who knows what knd of crazy situations their new jobs will land them in? Well, until next time: Armoured Assassins, over and out!]