Archanda-book with Carmen
For my Carmen - with love and squalor
Dances with the dead - 2
/Continuation/
9.
MIXED DIALOGUE
LILY
we’ve sold the
electrogenerator. We’ve got no more diesel.
We eat carrots
with tea. What
shall we do when light is put out
?
Carrots and tea
will soon be
over, what shall we
eat then?
TATTOO well, well, don’t grumble!
LILY how nicely
we could decorate
this hotel with
the money in
the suitcase without
angels. We’d buy a
helicopter and take
our rich clients
to look at
the Caucasian range, but
it would be
better to have a military
helicopter so that
Usama bin Laden’s fanatics
wouldn’t bring it
down with their Stringers. How
much do you
think one good
American “Apache” costs?
TATTOO
we might, why not?
FX MOBILE
PHONE RINGS.
TATOO (Cont’d) Speaking! Who
are you to poke
your nose into
my business?
Adjutant?
Whose adjutant?
Oh, the
general’s! Sorry, I have
not recognized you.
How is the
host getting on? Why is
he in low spirits?
No, no, we didn’t take. This half
a million was
taken by them.
Yes, we’ve got the
facts and evidence.
When will the
host come? No, you
cannot fly now,
there’s a thick fog
here! Yes, I‘ll
wait for you
in the morning.
(cuts it off). Do
you see, what they’ve
been up to?
LILY they’ve informed
against us!
TATTOO
we’ll take off
now -- they said,
but I reasoned them
out of it
because of the
fog.
LILY
Tomorrow morning the
host will be
here!
FX. PAUSE.
LILY(Cont’d)
it’s a pity, they
are such nice
fellow-travellers!
TATTOO
do you mean them? Yes,
they are
nice but I
warn you -- you
won’t be able
to make me
feel sorry for
them! What will be will be!
LILY
What will be?
TATTOO
if the bird
of happiness sits
on your shoulder
don’t scare it
away! Besides, we are
obliged!
LILY
what are you
talking about?
TATTOO
it looks as
if you couldn’t
guess.
LILY
what shall I
guess?
TATTOO
if you have
a chance don’t
lose it! Clear?
LILY No!
TATTOO ( whispers) it’s
not good to
scare away the
blue bird of
happiness!
FX. BEGINS
TO WALK NERVOUSLY, THE FLOOR SQUEAKS.
THE ROOM DOWNSTAIRS
DEVI
we’ve sold the
electrogenerator. We’ve got
no more diesel. We
eat carrots with
tea. What shall
we do when light is put out
?
Carrots and tea
will soon be
over, what shall we
eat then?
BOA well, well, don’t grumble!
DEVI how nicely
we could decorate
this hotel with
the money in
the suitcase without
angels. We’d buy a
helicopter and take
our rich clients
to look at
the Caucasian range, but
it would be
better to have a military
helicopter so that
Usama bin Laden’s fanatics
wouldn’t bring it
down with their Stringers. How
much do you
think one good
American “Apache” costs?
BOA
we might, why not?
FX MOBILE
PHONE RINGS.
DEVI (Cont’d) Speaking! Who
are you to poke
your nose into
my business?
Adjutant?
Whose adjutant?
Oh, the
general’s! Sorry, I have
not recognized you.
How is the
host getting on? Why is
he in low spirits?
No, no, we didn’t take. This half
a million was
taken by them.
Yes, we’ve got the
facts and evidence.
When will the
host come? No, you
cannot fly now,
there’s a thick fog
here! Yes, I‘ll
wait for you
in the morning.
(cuts it off). Do
you see, what they’ve
been up to?
BOA
they’ve informed against
us!
DEVI
we’ll take off
now -- they said,
but I reasoned them
out of it
because of the
fog.
BOA
Tomorrow morning the
host will be
here!
FX. PAUSE.
DEVI (Cont’d)
it’s a pity, they
are such nice
fellow-travellers!
BOA
do you mean them? Yes,
they are
nice but I warn you --
you won’t be
able to make
me feel sorry
for them! What will be will be!
DEVI
What will be?
BOA
if the bird
of happiness sits
on your shoulder
don’t scare it
away! Besides, we are
obliged!
DEVI
what are you talking about?
BOA
it looks as
if you couldn’t
guess.
DEVI
what shall I
guess?
BOA
if you have
a chance don’t
lose it! Clear?
DEVI No!
BOA ( whispers)
it’s not good
to scare away
the blue bird
of happiness!
FX. BEGINS
TO WALK NERVOUSLY, THE FLOOR SQUEAKS.
THE ROOM
UPSTAIRS
LILY
Having bathed in
our hot water
they are fucking
now!
TATTOO
using the condone
“Siko”. It is
made out of
natural latex. Each
item was electronically tested .
Only fucking is
left for them.
LILY
he is also
allergic to latex!
TATTOO
he should go
to the doctor who’ll
prescribe him tazepam.
LILY and
possibly suprastin.
TATTOO
if he doesn’t
take the medicine
he’ll have rash
all over.
LILY phi!
TATTOO
first in the area
of genitals and
then it’ll spread
all over the
body.
LILY well, enough, enough!
TATTOO
but we won’t
wait till the rash
covers him all over.
LILY
and the other
degenerate won’t fuck next
night!
TATTOO
now you are
beginning to understand!
LILY
(plays the song
of Bob Marley) what shall
we do?
Shall we
kill them?
TATTOO
sure! We should
prove our loyalty
to the host. When he
comes in the
morning we’ll tell
him that they
stole half a
million and that’s
why that happened
to them.
LILY they
are playing Bob
Marley too! I
feel pity for
them, poor creatures! Can
you hear in what
state they are?
Wait a bit,
do you really want
us to kill
them?
THE ROOM DOWNSTAIRS
DEVI
Having bathed in
our hot water
they are fucking
now!
BOA
using the condone
“Siko”. It is
made out of
natural latex. Each
item was electronically tested .
Only fucking is
left for them.
DEVI
he is also
allergic to latex!
BOA
he should go
to the doctor who’ll
prescribe him tazepam.
DEVI and
possibly suprastin.
BOA
if he doesn’t
take the medicine
he’ll have rash
all over.
DEVI phi!
BOA
first in the area
of genitals and
then it’ll spread
all over the
body.
DEVI well, enough, enough!
BOA
but we won’t
wait till the rash
covers him all over.
DEVI
and the other
degenerate won’t fuck
next night!
BOA now you
are beginning to
understand!
DEVI
(plays the song
of Bob Marley) what shall
we do?
Shall we
kill them?
BOA
sure! We should
prove our loyalty
to the host. When he
comes in the
morning we’ll tell
him that they
stole half a
million and that’s
why that happened
to them.
DEVI they
are playing Bob
Marley too! I
feel pity for
them, poor creatures! Can
you hear in what
state they are?
Wait a bit,
do you really
want us to
kill them?
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
BOA
For the first
time I heard
these words when I
sent you to
kill a hen.
How many hens
have you killed
since then?
DEVI
shall I take
an ax and cut
their heads off?
What if human
blood will spurt
like a fountain!
BOA
I don’t think
human blood differs from
hen’s!
DEVI yes!
BOA
do you happen
to think they
have the same blood
as angels?
DEVI
angels have no
blood and I
cannot shed blood! No!
BOA
don’t worry, there will
be no blood!
DEVI what
shall we do
then-- overdose them
with heroin?
BOA
when they fall
asleep we’ll use
a poker as
a club!
DEVI
it’s not a
poker, it’s a “driver”
or “putter”. I
cannot distinguish them!
But these are
clubs!
BOA
let them be
clubs! Does it
make any difference
to you, brother, if you
strike a golf
ball or a
human head?
FX WHISTLE
OF CLUBS IN THE
AIR.
DEVI
Wow and hi! Wow
and hi! ( whistle fades) . no,
I cannot go
on like this!
BOA so, I
tell you -- either
we or they!
We have no choice! Shall I
explain my plan
to you?
THE ROOM UPSTAIRS
TATOO
For the first
time I heard
these words when I
sent you to
kill a hen.
How many hens
have you killed
since then?
LILY
shall I take
an ax and cut
their heads off?
What if human
blood will spurt
like a fountain!
TATOO
I don’t think
human blood differs from
hen’s!
LILY yes!
TATOO
do you happen
to think they
have the same blood
as angels?
LILY
angels have no
blood and I
cannot shed blood! No!
TATOO
don’t worry, there will
be no blood!
LILY what
shall we do
then-- overdose them
with heroin?
TATOO
when they fall
asleep we’ll use
a poker as
a club!
LILY
it’s not a
poker, it’s a “driver”
or “putter”. I
cannot distinguish them!
But these are
clubs!
TATOO
let them be
clubs! Does it
make any difference
to you, brother, if you strike
a golf ball
or a human head?
FX WHISTLE
OF CLUBS IN THE
AIR.
LILY
Wow and hi! Wow
and hi! ( whistle fades) . no,
I cannot go on like
this!
TATOO so, I
tell you -- either
we or they!
We have no choice! Shall I explain
my plan to you?
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
DEVI I
think they are asleep.
BOA
Well, I’ll explain
my plan to
you.
DEVI
no, I don’t
want to imagine
anything! Then I’ll feel
pity for them
and fail to
kill them. I’ll
do what you ‘ll
tell me.
BOA
First close everything.
DEVI
ok. I’ll enter
the toilet on
the way
THE ROOM UPSTAIRS
TATOO I
think they are asleep.
LILY
Well, I’ll explain
my plan to
you.
TATOO
no, I don’t
want to imagine
anything! Then I’ll feel
pity for them
and fail to
kill them. I’ll
do what you ‘ll
tell me.
LILY
First close everything.
TATOO
ok. I’ll enter
the toilet on
the way
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
DEVI
it’s so quiet!
I cannot even
hear the brook!
BOA
that’s good.
DEVI
now imagine they want
to kill us!
BOA
nonsense!
DEVI I
cannot understand why
there is no
other way out.
BOA ( slaps
him in the
face) There is
no other way out , indeed.
DEVI
we were happy!
BOA
happy? We are
lucky Siko-Torpedo has
arranged all this
or how long could we
buy heroin from
the host and
be hungry?
Aren’t you fed up with
it?
DEVI Yes.
( begins to walk
nervously and the
floor squeaks). Once we
could be caught!
THE ROOM UPSTAIRS
LILY
it’s so quiet!
I cannot even
hear the brook!
TATOO
that’s good.
LILY
now imagine they want
to kill us!
TATOO
nonsense!
LILYY I
cannot understand why
there is no
other way out.
TATOO ( slaps
him in the
face) There is
no other way out , indeed.
LILY
we were happy!
TATOO
happy? We are
lucky Siko-Torpedo has
arranged all this
or how long could we
buy heroin from
the host and
be hungry?
Aren’t you fed up with
it?
LILY Yes.
( begins to walk
nervously and the
floor squeaks). Once we
could be caught!
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
BOA
oh, they’ve started
it again!
DEVI
is she a
woman or a
typhoon! What a nightmare!
BOA
they only drank tea
with carrots!
DEVI
they won’t sleep
the whole night!
BOA
it seems to
me, you are
glad!
DEVI why?
BOA
because they aren’t
asleep.
DEVI
no, not because
of that. But I
ask myself—will we
be happy?
BOA
why not?
DEVI
we’ll have this
crime on our conscience
and it’ll ruin
us!
FX FLOOR
SQUEAKING CEASES.
BOA
switch off the tape-recorder
and don’t walk!
Don’t you see
they are going
to sleep?
THE ROOM UPSTAIRS
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
TATOO
oh, they’ve started
it again!
LILY
is she a
woman or a
typhoon! What a nightmare!
TATOO
they only drank tea
with carrots!
LILY
they won’t sleep
the whole night!
TATOO
it seems to me, you
are glad!
LILY why?
TATOO
because they aren’t
asleep.
LILY
no, not because
of that. But I
ask myself—will we be happy?
TATOO
why not?
LILY
we’ll have this
crime on our conscience
and it’ll ruin
us!
FX FLOOR
SQUEAKING CEASES.
TATOO
switch off the tape-recorder
and don’t walk!
Don’t you see
they are going
to sleep?
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
DEVI
why do they
have to worry ? They
have taken a
bath, fucked and are
going to sleep now
--- they
used our last
ten litres of diesel.
THE ROOM
UPSTAIRS
TATTOO
well, don’t be so
petty!
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
DEVI
don’t we need hot
water?
Besides, how I like
to be with
you in a
bath!
THE ROOM
UPSTAIRS
TATTOO don’t be
so stingy, Man!
We are already
rich, we are millionaires!
LILY yes,
nearly. If we
had hot water
we’d take a
bath, yes?
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
BOA I
say, I want to have our
own hot water!
Clear?
THE ROOM
UPSTAIRS
LILY
partially, yes. but I
am very afraid.
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS.
BOA
calm down, calm down.
What are you
afraid of?
You are
my speaking parrot, aren’t you?
THE ROOM
UPSTAIRS
LILY
then you are
my “driver” with
a telescopic sight!
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
DEVI then
you are my
“putter” with a
turquoise stone ring
and a taste
of strawberry, peach, pine-apple!
THE ROOM
UPSTAIRS
LILY
wait, why are you
talking about its
taste?
This instruction says
only about vaginal
use of the
condones.
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
BOA
where do you
feel this smell?
THE ROOM
UPSTAIRS
TATTOO
these are false
“Sikos” and that’s
why they smell. Besides I
don’t understand why
you told George
to make a ring
directly on the
head of your putter. It
pricks!
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
BOA
it’s in fashion, that’s why!
THE ROOM
UPSTAIRS
LILY ( rustling
of paper. Reads ) If you
use in the area
of genitals sharp
and prickly objects
such as nails, teeth.
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
DEVI ( goes
on reading) rings, jewelry, stones, try
not to damage
a condone.
THE ROOM
UPSTAIRS
LILY
as it won’t secure enough
protection.
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
BOA
and you , too. Couldn’t
you find
a better time!
THE ROOM
UPSTAIRS
LILY You
know she also
made such a
ring on the putter’s
head!
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
DEVI
she also has
a gold ring
with a turquoise
stone.
THE ROOM
UPSTAIRS
LILY of
course! I sent
her to my
own jeweller.
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
BOA yes,
to George!
THE ROOM
UPSTAIRS
TATTOO
I’ll leave you for a
moment.
LILY
where are you
going?
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
BOA
I’ll go to
my room and
return, brother!
DEVI OK!
BOA I warn
you, don’t run
away!
DEVI
have I ever
run away?
I’ll train with
my “driver”!
( quiet
steps – Boa leaves and
Devi swings clubs
in the air).
THE ROOM UPSTAIRS
TATTOO
why do you
never buy gloves?
LILY how
can I
paint in gloves?
TATTOO
one pair of
gloves is not too
many! Painting is
not everything! Have
you taken the longest
poker?
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
DEVI ( excitedly) It’s not
the poker, but the
“driver”!
BOA
well! You hold
it and I’ll take this!
DEVI
what do we
need a water-bottle
and a glass
for ?
BOA
I’ll offer them
some water if they
wake up!
DEVI
how clever you
are!
BOA
I’ll go ahead
and you follow
me!
DEVI (
displeased) No, not this
“driver” Shakespeare himself
played with it!
Siko-Torpedo brought it
to us from
Stratford for two thousand
pounds!
BOA
take it into
your hands and
play!
DEVI
then I’ll carry the
water bottle!
BOA
don’t argue! Take
the “ driver”.
DEVI O.K.
BOA
am I not
worth to be taken
care of?
DEVI yes,
of course! Yes, of course!
BOA
if you make
love with such a
dullard as TATTOO,
then you’ll paint
not only a
car fallen into
the abyss, but also
more terrifying things!
And you play
golf even in dreams!
DEVI
but I always
lose! Let’s drink
100 grams for
bravery!
BOA no,
not now!
I must have
a sober mind!
DEVI
and what about
me?
BOA
you have me
to make you
brave!
DEVI yes.
BOA
and if you
ask me for
a drink I’ll
think you’ve pissed
and instead of
a “Siko” I’ll
buy you pampers.
DEVI
I won’t need
pampers. They are making
love in our
hot water! Give
me the “driver”! Go ! I’ll follow you.
THE ROOM
UPSTAIRS
LILY wait!
TATTOO
what’s up?
LILY
a big deal, if they
have bathed! Afterwards
you can take
one ton of
diesel fuel on
somebody’s account!
TATTOO
I said if
you piss I’ll
buy you pampers.
LILY O.K. Let’s
finish it quickly.
TATTOO
we don’t need
to hurry! There’s
a lot of
time till morning.
Let’s go.
THE ROOM
DOWNSTAIRS
DEVI ( floor
squeaks) wait!
BOA
pampers!
DEVI
the floor doesn’t
squeak under you,
am I so awkward?
BOA
don’t be nervous, if
you use all
their bullets they
won’t wake up.
DEVI
I am not
nervous at all!
At all!
BOA well,
walk carefully, brother!
THE ROOM
UPSTAIRS
FX SOUND
OF A PASSING
CAR IS HEARD
LILY
another car! How
many today, ah?
TATTOO as
usual, neither less
nor more.
LILY
has it passed
by or stopped?
TATTOO
It has passed.
LILY
what are these
noises? Squeak
of mice?
( rustling is heard).
TATTOO
no, it’s running water.
LILY
let’s go. Do
you want it
under the stream?.
TATTOO
not now. Besides
you said you
had menses.
LILY
it seems to
me I deceived
you.
10.
HOSTILITIES IN THE GOLF-BAR.
DEVI
I want it
already and you?
BOA me,
too. Show me your
“driver”. No, not this,
but the one
in your pants.
Do you call
it “I want”.
I’ll show what
it means if you
really want it later. But
business first!
DEVI
well, well. But Shakespeare himself played
with this club!
BOA you,
silly, he was a
good man. He
is probably teaching
golf to the
angels in heaven now!
DEVI
I’ll go and
bring another one!
BOA come
on! Don’t make
me think in
the end you
are a coward!
DEVI
I am not!
BOA Siko-Torpedo
put you in an awkward
situation then! Don’t
make me think
you are afraid
of Tattoo!
DEVI
nobody’s afraid of
Tattoo’s cigarettes.
BOA
what cigarettes?
DEVI
those which he
lights from his tommy-gun
burning hot from
shooting. We know such
heroes of thrillers!
TATTOO ( whispers) Hush, do
you hear?
LILY yes,
I do.
BOA
don’t you really
think that naked
woman on his
back was made
by George, a
master of tattoo?
DEVI
LILY says he
looks like her
very much.
BOA
accidental likeness! Tattoo
bribed George and
made him say “
I painted Lily”.
DEVI
and I wondered
why he painted
a snake.
BOA
do you know
where it was
really painted.
DEVI
I don’t.
BOA
in Jamaica prison
of New-York he
was forcibly painted
both naked woman
and that diamond ace
on his finger!
DEVI
why forcibly?
BOA
because homosexuals like
he are made
to crow! Understand?
DEVI
oh, what did
you say!
BOA
are you afraid
again?
DEVI
I wasn’t afraid
at all!
BOA then
let’s go, brother
and son!
DEVI
I’ll go out
for a moment and
immediately return!
BOA
where are you
going?
DEVI
to the toilet!
BOA
Haven’t you been
there recently?
DEVI
not recently.
BOA
hurry up!
FX SILENCE.
SOUNDS OF HEAVY
STRIKES.
LILY who
was made
to crow?
Who? I ask
you, jealous and wicked!
TATTOO
enough, enough for him, Man!
LILY you,
wicked.( throws away clubs
and moos)
TATTOO
what’s the matter with you?
Are you
sick, Man?
LILY y-e-e-s.
TATTOO
well, go to the
toilet and I’ll take
care of the
second one, Man!
FX SILENCE. CAREFUL STEPS.
SOMEBODY SNEAKS .
LILY
Tattoo! Look out!
DEVI
Hi and Wow! Hi and
Wow! ( strikes with the
“driver”). There I fucked
Siko-Torpedo’s mother and
here -- your mother!
You, blue! Blue elephant!
( throws
away the clubs). U-U-U, Boa! Boa! help
me! Help me, Boa!
I feel sick!
( DEVI runs
away. Cleansing of
water in the
toilet).
11.
DECISION
DEVI
Where is my Boa?
LILY
there, on the stairs!
DEVI Boa! My
Boa! ( cries loudly, screeching).
LILY
Tattoo, my Tattoo! (She also
cries loudly).
DEVI
Don’t die, Boa! Don’t die!
LILY
Don’t die, Tattoo! Don’t die!
DEVI I’ll
do you artificial breathing! (several times
breathes air into
her). No, no, Boa! No !
LILY ( also
does artificial breathing) Only don’t
do that! No, no, no ! The
heart is not
beating!
DEVI
Boa, I’ll bring
the mirror to
your nose and
if it doesn’t
sweat, then you are gone!
(runs and brings
the mirror. Pause). Boa, don’t die, Boa!
Oh, it doesn’t sweat!
No!
LILY
here is the
mirror! Tattoo , what are you
doing with me, Tattoo? who
are you leaving
me to ?
It doesn’t sweat!
DEVI( screeches)
Boa!
LILY ( screeches) Tattoo!
DEVI (
displeased) Why are you
screeching in soprano?
LILY (
displeased) Why are you
screeching in tenor?
DEVI
I am not screeching!
LILY
Neither am I!
DEVI
Boa has died, my Boa!
LILY
Tattoo has died, my Tattoo!
DEVI
and LILY together
-- whom shall I
take to “Swan’s
lake” for fishing?
DEVI (
screeches) Boa!
LILY ( screeches) Tattoo!
DEVI
you killed!
LILY you
killed!
DEVI no,
not me!
You killed, you!
LILY
not me. You
killed, you!
DEVI
you killed my
Boa!
LILY when
did I kill her?
DEVI
I saw you
hit her three
times with the
“driver”.
LILY you also
hit my Tattoo three
times!
DEVI
I imitated you!
LILY so
did I !
DEVI
you killed my
beloved wife!
LILY
and you killed
my beloved husband!
DEVI (
in a low
voice) Boa.
LILY (
in a low
voice) Tattoo. ( pause)
What shall we do?
DEVI
I don’t know.
LILY
take this poker
and kill me
too! Do it!
DEVI
how many times
must I tell you
it’s not a poker!
I am not
going to kill
you at all!
LILY
kill me, I say!
I must follow
my Tattoo into
the grave! Come
on, I am ready!
DEVI
what a savagery --
to follow somebody
into the grave!
LILY
you’ll kill me
all the same
and ...
DEVI
I didn’t even
think about it!
LILY
you’ll think afterwards!
Then you’ll steal
this suitcase and
will run away
in our white car
to the other
side of mountains!
But they’ll find
you everywhere, wherever
you are!
DEVI
yes, you can
hide from the people
of our host nowhere!
LILY
nowhere!
DEVI
what shall we do?
LILY
let’s give it
to Cola.
DEVI
stop, you are talking
like Boa , Man!
LILY
and you cannot
say as Tattoo
did: “You may call me
the man driven out
by a whore
if I don’t
kill you!!”
DEVI
what were you
going to do
after the murder?
LILY
and you?
DEVI
I don’t know
as I did
not let her
say because I was
afraid I’d feel
pity for you and
fail to kill
you!
LILY
but you didn’t
feel pity for
Tattoo!
DEVI neither did
you for Boa!
LILY
I did not
know what we
were going to
do either. I
did not let
him say because
I was afraid I’d
feel pity for you
and fail kill
you!
DEVI
what shall we
do then?
LILY
I don’t know.
DEVI
then take this
“driver” and hit
me three times
with it and
I’ll rest for
ever!
LILY
no, you hit
me, I’ll rest for
ever better than
you!
DEVI
I cannot. This
murder is enough
for me.
LILY
I cannot either.
That’s enough for
me too.
FX.
SILENS.
DEVI
have you already
called the host
and told him
that Golf and Boa
stole half a
million?
LILY
how could we
ring when you were doing it?
DEVI not
we, but you were
ringing.
LILY why
was it engaged
all the time?
DEVI
because you were
ringing.
LILY
not we, but you.
DEVI so, you
couldn’t ring.
LILY no.
DEVI neither
could we.
LILY so, our
host doesn’t know anything.
DEVI
maybe Siko-Torpedo was
ringing?
LILI What
of it?
He would
have said that
he had brought
two lemons to the
hotel. And that’s
all.
DEVI yes,
he couldn’t have
known about this
tragic event by
then.
LILY and
he wouldn’t have known
the other things
too if your
Boa hadn’t informed
against us.
DEVI
and your Tattoo
didn’t loath spying
either! You painted these
awful pictures because
you slept with this sexual
pervert.
LILY
what pictures, for example?
DEVI
this one, on the
easel in which
our white car
is falling into
the abyss.
LILY
and what’s then?
DEVI
it’s awful! And
I played golf
even in a
dream because I
made love with my
Boa...
LILY
then how did
your granny Pasha
manage to win
over you?
DEVI
how do I know?
LILY
and I don’t
know either! Now
I’ll sit down,
look at my
frightful painting and
wait for the
police!
DEVI
if you sit,
I’ll sit and
wait for the police
too!
LILY
let’s wait!
DEVI
let’s wait!
LILY
I am already waiting!
DEVI
so am I!
LILY
wait!
DEVI
I will!
LILY
but the police
won’t come here!
DEVI why?
LILY
because the host
is a general.
Nobody will do
anything to a
general of the
Military Forces Department.
DEVI
what shall we do?
LILY
if I knew
I’d be happy! ( pause). Let’s
behave ourselves like
in my painting!
DEVI how?
LILY
as if they
had stolen two lemons
with this suitcase, got into
our white car
and as they
were running away...
DEVI
they fell down
into that abyss!
LILY yes.
DEVI and
were we
chasing them?
LILY no,
we were asleep when they
were running away
and then all
happened like in
my painting.
DEVI
and the car fell
into that abyss
performing somersault, didn’t it ?
LILY
how do you
like it?
DEVI
I don’t know
yet.
LILY yes,
we know nothing as we were
asleep.
DEVI
maybe the abyss
will be of any
use to us!
12.
BALLET SHOES AND
SOMERSAULTS WITH THE
DEAD
LILY
now let’s go to our rooms
and bring their
clothes.
DEVI
what for?
LILY
they couldn’t have
escaped in pants! Both run
away and come with
the clothes.
DEVI
don’t touch! I’ ll
put on these gloves
and dress both
of them!
LILY why?
DEVI
I don’t believe
in tales about
finger prints, but why
should we risk?
LILY
give me those
pants and I
don’t care a
fig for these finger
prints!
DEVI I’ll
raise his legs! (puffs). Mom,
how heavy he is!
LILY
a little more
and yes, this way! You
dress her!
DEVI
she is ready!
LILY and
this one too!
(unclear
noise is heard).
DEVI
what kind of
noise is it?
LILY
I wish they
wouldn’t disturb us (
sound repeats).
DEVI
here, again! Cannot you
hear?
LILY
it’s running water!
DEVI we
are saved.
LILY
now I’ll take
the keys from
him and you
open the car
door!
DEVI
is this a
condone Siko?
LILY
Did you have
a “Siko” too?
DEVI It
caused my allergy!
LILY The
same occurred to me! Here
is the key
from the car!
Go and open
it!
DEVI
shall I open the
door on a
driver’s side?
LILY
on both sides.
DEVI ( leaves
and returns soon)
what are you
doing?
LILY
can you imagine Boa
had a “Siko”
too?
DEVI
and what of it? Do
you think they
were lovers?
LILY
how could I know? Have
you opened both
doors?
DEVI
yes. Oh, how
awful these wounds are!
LILY
the river will
wash them away.
People will think
they broke themselves falling
down!
DEVI
besides, if it rains...
LILY why
are you
standing? Carry
the male and
I’ll take care
of the female!
DEVI
I wanted the
female.
LILY
what, do you
like dead women
too?
DEVI me?
No!
LILY
then let me
take hold of
her.
DEVI (
puffing he helps
her to take
hold of the
corpse). Yes, but
who will help
me to take
hold of him?
LILY ( puffs) Your granny
Pasha! Oh, how heavy
she is! ( leaves).
DEVI
wait! ( he takes hold
of the corpse with moaning and follows
her. The shoes
of the corpses
click the steps).
DEVI
oh, what sound
is this?
LILY
how could I
know?
DEVI
here, again!
LILY this
one? The heels
are clattering! The heels
of the corpses!
DEVI one,
two, three! Hop!
FX CLATTERING
OF THE SHOES
IS ACCOMPANIED BY
THE TUNE SUNG
BY DEVI WHO
DANCES STAGGERING.
LILY
what are you
doing?
Have you gone
mad?
DEVI
it seems to me
that some pleasant
dance music is
being played and
I am dancing to it, Man!
LILY ( grins with
difficulty) A dance with
staggering.
DEVI one, two, three! Hop! hop! hop!
LILY four, five, six! Hop! Hop! hop!
DEVI Hop! Hop!
Hop!
LILY Hop ! hop!
Hop! Hold on! I’ll try
to dance on
the tips of
my toes!
DEVI
I’ll try too!
LILY
only ballet dancers
can dance on the
tips of the toes!
DEVI
then I’ll try to
perform a somersault.
DEVI yes, it’s
a rich man’s
dance!
LILY
well, be more serious! Don’t break
your neck!
DEVI
I cannot be
serious!
LILY I
cannot either.
DEVI
then let’s dance
again!
FX A
THUD IS HEARD.
FIRST HE FALLS
DOWN WITH HIS CORPSE,
THEN –SHE WITH HERS. SILENCE.
THEY STAND UP WITH DIFFICULTY.
LILY
let me take
hold of him.
DEVI ( puffs) Aaa!
LILY
I feel a
sharp pain my
back, I cannot
endure it any
longer.
DEVI
wait, I’ll get
hold of the
corpse. (again puffs and
moans). Don’t come this
way otherwise we’ll
run into each
other!
LILY
don’t run into
me yourself! Then we’ll
throw away their
suitcase after them!
DEVI
with all the
money!
LILY no,
only a
little! We’ll also throw
a little money
into the river and
people will think they
stole it!
DEVI yes,
the river will
wash away the
money and nobody
will know how much
and who took
it , Man!
LILY so,
you are
beginning to understand!
DEVI
it turns out
to be a
good detective story!
When we return
we must clean
these “drivers” with
spirit, Man!
LILY and
remove blood from
the floor and
everywhere.
DEVI
come on ,but... Wait
a bit!
LILY
what’s the matter?
DEVI
why did both
of them have
a “Siko”?
13.
THE HOST IN
THE GOLF-BAR
DEVI
I cannot endure it anymore, Man!
LILY
don’t tell me
now, that this
fat man is a
personification of God
or a devil ,
and he is chasing us for
what we’ve done!
DEVI
do you think I
know and don’t
tell you?
LILY
oh. How well
I know you!
DEVI let’s
drop it, Lily. We are going to
fall here. It’s
not good to
sit and wait
till they catch
you. Today it
is this fat
one. Tomorrow another
will appear. Somebody
will always chase us
until we go
crazy! Let’s run
away, I say!
LILY
well, let’s run, my dear!
But you haven’t
switched on the
heater yet!
DEVI
what has the
heater to do
with it, Man?
LILY
you like doing
it with me
under the stream!
Let’s go to
the bathroom!
DEVI
do you know
Cola?
LILY ( laughs)
I won’t give
myself to him, don’t
worry!
DEVI
I don’t understand why you are laughing, Man!
LILY
shall I cry
instead?
DEVI
but nevertheless, who
is he?
I wonder
what thoughts are running
in his bullet
head? If he
is from the police it’s
better for us to know
about it! If
we let him
come here every
day and sit
for hours staring
at us saying
nothing and not
taking his eyes
off us our
nerves will betray
us at last ! He can only set
a trap and we’ll
get caught in it!
I cannot bear
these sleepless nights
and this nervousness
any more --
what has this
fat uncle planned?
I’ve told you
they’ll spoil our
lives and there
will always be
somebody ... , Man!
LILY
he might have
not planned anything!
He is a
sad man who likes Shakespeare
and Gvido from
Arezo. If he
likes coming here
everyday, let him
come! He’ll disperse
his sadness and
leave. In short, we
must win his
game over him: Is it
clear?
DEVI
this game will
be won by
him who could
bear the utmost.
How many candles
I lit to
the angels above
and all supernatural
powers! First I asked for a
tide to
flow so that
it could wash
away the fallen
car far from
here, then I asked
them that the police
wouldn’t learn anything!
I hid the
money in many places! A hiding
place in
the cellar, in the
ceiling. I put
it packed in
a plastic bag
even into the
diesel tank! In the
toilet sink! In
the fire tube!
I cannot do
anymore, Man!
LILY have
“Mr. Shakespeare” and drink “Senior
Gvido from Arezo”.
DEVI
let him get away
from here and
I will neither eat
nor drink! Who
knows, he might
be a blackmailer, sent by
the host or even
a killer!
LILY
well, I’ll speak to
him once again.
Maybe I’ll get some
information from him!
DEVI
first you go
and then I’ll
join you.
LILY (
sound of
steps is heard). I
am sorry, sir. We’ve dismissed
all our servants
and couldn’t pay
attention to you.
Can I do
anything for you?
HOST (
strikes a match, lights
a cigar). A
table, a chair, a cup
of coffee and
100 gram of
“Napoleon”, if possible.
LILY I’ll
serve you in
no time! ( puts a
glass, a cup with
a saucer on
the table). Would you
like to taste
“Mr. Shakespeare”?
It’s our firm
dish-- lamb’s meat
with mushrooms, cheese, mayonnaise and
a small piece
of the firm’s
secret!
HOST no,
thanks. I have
already had supper.
LILY
then I can
offer you cocktails
-- “Bloody Mary”, “Sex
on the Beach”,
“French Kiss” and
the firm cocktail
“Senior Gvido from
Arezo”. I am
sorry but I
cannot let out
its recipe to
you.
HOST
why are your
firm dishes called
by the names
of such great
people?
LILY ( in
a low voice).
How nice you’ve
noticed it. Our
host is a
great theatergoer and
a lover of
music. They say he
even writes plays!
HOST
do you really
think he personally
knows Shakespeare and
Gvido from Arezo?
LILY the
main thing is
that he believes
in it! And we respect
his belief! Here
is your coffee and
your cognac ( puts them
on the table). You
are worried , aren’t you?
HOST yes.
LILY
what’s the reason, if
it’s not a
secret?
HOST
you sit down
first.
LILY thank
you.
HOST
the weather is
very dry beneath, in
the valley. There
will be no
harvest and famine
may happen again.
LILY
what shall we do?
Next year will
be favorable to
us. Our people
are very hardworking.
HOST
right you are, but
their tastes are,
how to put
it, impossible.
LILY
yes, they are
a little strange.
HOST
yes, exactly, they
are strange, otherwise they
would have smelled
the existence of
your wonderful hotel!
As it is
the most beautiful
place in the neighborhood.
The river is
beneath, the white peaks—above
and the abyss
--- nearby.
DEVI
if you like
our hotel so much,
then you are our
friend. Let me
shake hands with
you, Devi!
HOST
it’s my pleasure!
DEVI
ask what you
want, we’ll treat you.
LILY
what else shall I
bring for you?
HOST
if you insist, one
more cognac.
DEVI
I’ll bring it ( sound
of steps. Pours
out into a glass
and brings). Here
you are.
HOST
to your hotel ( drinks).
LILY
would you like
some more on
the host’s account.
HOST
why not.
DEVI (
fills the glass
again). Nothing must be
spared for a
friend, Man.
HOST
maybe, you’ll drink to
the hostess’ health
too!
DEVI ( brings
two more glasses, pours). To my wonderful
wife.
HOST
to your wife
or to your partner?
DEVI
we are already
married.
LILY
you see, after
that tragic event
we wanted to remain
friends at first,
but then we
changed our minds.
HOST
to your health,
my dear ( clinks
the glass). It’s good
that you changed
your minds.
LILY
to you , thank
you.
HOST so,
I was
saying, that ... it’s
such an amazing
place, but the
event depicted in
that picture took
place here!
DEVI
which one?
HOST
no, I don’t
mean it took
place in the
hotel. But nearby, in that abyss.
You cannot ascribe
it to a
chance, can you?
LILY
I didn’t paint
this white car,
it appeared by
itself.
HOST
of course, by
itself! Then a
scandal arose. Believers
say it’s the
sign sent by the
Lord. The angel
descended and painted
the car falling
into the abyss
beforehand. And the
fact that he
painted it means
that God exists
in reality. Those
who don’t believe
say it’s not
the angel, it’s either
hallucination or simulation.
So, the whole scandal
is about this
and, probably, your tables
cannot serve so
many clients.
DEVI
but we didn’t
raise the scandal.
HOST
I respect a
good player very
much ( sound of steps). Though it
has some notches,
I’ll bear it
in mind and
play with this
“driver” . Will you play?
DEVI
I used to
play a lot, but
of late I’ve
been doing badly, Man!
LILY
my Devi is
an actual member
of the whole
Scottish Golf Association and
the President of the
Local Golf Federation.
HOST
You don’t say
so! Then I’ll offer
you the “driver”.
LILY
don’t worry, it’s
more comfortable for
Devi to play with
this “putter”. Take it , Devi.
DEVI yes,
give it to me,
Man.
HOST it’s a
great honor for
me to play with such
an honored man.
DEVI
the first pitch
is yours. You
are a guest.
HOST
this is very
humane.
LILY
fist you say
“Wow”, then “ Hi”!
HOST
what for?
LILY
for the correction
of a pitch.. Then
I’ll give you to read
Devi’s research on
this subject.
HOST
I say neither
of the words, but
nevertheless I manage
to play the
game. ( strikes the
ball).
DEVI
this was a “ medium pitch”, but a
“full pitch” would
have been better, Man.
HOST
I preferred this, your
turn.
DEVI (
strikes the ball.
The window breaks). Ah,
this pitch has
been spoilt.
LILY
it’s OK, we’ll put
in a new
glass.
HOST oh,
it’s neither a “medium swing”, nor a “full iron
shot”. These shots are
not performed with
these clubs. You should have
taken a “mid iron”.
Give me the
ball, dear! Now you’ll
see a “ chip
and run “ shot
performed with the
“driver”. Devi, have you heard
about this?
DEVI of
course I
have, it’s called a “dry
flight”, but in this
position a “chip and
drag” is better,
this means “ dry and
drag”! But you
should change clubs, take
either a “putter” or a “niblick”.
HOST
I’ll do with
this “driver”. A “driver”
means a whip, by the way. ( strikes the
ball).
LILY
it’s been a
great shot! A
wonderful shot.
HOST
I wonder what
Richard, duke of
Gloster, will say about it?
DEVI yes,
I’ve hit
it.
HOST
there is nothing to
be done about
it, but golf is
not a simple
kind of sport, for
instance , I doubt if there
are great players
among heavenly inhabitants.
And we light
candles to them
and ask them
to replenish the
river.
DEVI
who do you
mean, Man?
HOST
first , him, the most important
one. Doesn’t he play
golf day and
night?
LILY He? How
can he play?
HOST
( makes a
shot again) In
the sunlight and
moonlight.
Lili
again, you did it! That’s
another pair of
shoes!
HOST
I wonder what
Richard, duke of Gloster, will say about
it?
DEVI
what I say
is that a
“medium pitch” is wonderful!
HOST
you are mistaken, it
was a combination
of a “full
iron shot” and
a “chip and
drag”. I invented
it.
DEVI
I didn’t know it
was possible. I’ll
write it down.
LILY you
play like the master of
those who are in
heaven , the angels.
HOST you
don’t say so! How can I
play like he? This
is pride, but
I am not
proud, I am
a humanist, but
only when I
smoke an odd
cigarette—the first, the third, the
fifth, etc.
LILY
and when you
smoke an even
cigarette, then what?
HOST
then I become
a misanthrope. Remember it
well: an odd number—a
humanist, an even
number – a misanthrope.
DEVI
an odd number—a humanist,
an even number – a
misanthrope.
HOST
yes, but the
author thinks the
other way.
DEVI
what author?
HOST
there is one
scribbler called Mosulishvili ,
he is
writing a play
about us and
laughing at me
because I think
Gvido from Arezo
and William Shakespeare
are alive. I’ll talk
to him separately
when I have
smoked an even
cigarette.
DEVI
if possible LILY
and I will
come to these
talks and tell
him a pair of
“warm” words. Every worthless
author wants to
write now.
HOST
however, this will lead us
nowhere. Let’s return to
those who are
in heaven.
LILY let’s.
HOST
there, among them
there is an
angel, he is
represented with a
scythe, the scythe
of death, but
I doubt it
and think he
threw away this scythe
long ago and
now he has
such “driver” in his
hand.
DEVI
why the “driver”?
HOST
because he performs
“full pitches” with
it.
LILY
we didn’t know
that.
HOST
how do you
know about that? Could
you imagine where
and how many
times we should
strike a man
with this “driver”
to throw the
latter into a
grave hole?
FX. PAUSE.
HOST (Cont’d) I
wonder what Richard,
duke of Gloster, will say about
it?
DEVI
I don’t know.. ( rustling of
clubs, again the sound of window
breaking).
HOST
one will need a
whole series of
these “full-pitches” to
kill a man
or a woman.
And do you
know why, Lily?
( strikes a match).
Mind that now I am
smoking an even cigar. Even!
LILY
I don’t know,
I am not a
clairvoyant!
HOST
judging by your
painting you are
a clairvoyant! ( sound
of steps).
It’s
a magnificent painting, magnificent!
LILY (
also goes to
the painting) Do you
really like it?
HOST
yes, I do!
But here you
probably forgot to
paint the second
car. It must
fall in to the
abyss too.
LILY
I know that
while smoking an
even cigar you
become a misanthrope, but
I didn’t really
paint this car!
HOST
I know, I know,
but this scandal
was a very
precise shot . I wonder
what Richard, duke
of Gloster, will say about
it?
DEVI
I am not
the duke of
Gloster, but the
President of the
Georgian Golf Federation
and the Scottish ...
LILY
you play better
than my husband.
HOST
and I am
a member of
the Board of
Directors of the World
Golf Federation and I don’t
break windows either, though everything
is relative in
the world.
LILY
are you a
detective or an expert?
DEVI
do you want
me to tell
you what Richard,
duke of Gloster, will say about
it, Man? Is
it our fault
that road runs
very close to
the abyss and
drivers, and unfortunately,
are not warned of
that?
LILY
it’s a false
game, Devi. We are
caught.
FX SILENCE
DEVI ( his
teeth chatter). Yes, but I
am allergic to
the condones “Siko”
and in post mortem
examination of BOA’s
corpse they had to find
only Tattoo’s sperm
in her body
that would confirm
that they had
been lovers!
HOST
but you are
not allergic to
“wet” Sikos and
on that tragic
evening you used a
“wet Siko” with
BOA and hoped
that nobody would
ever guess and
you would be
saved.
LILY
and what?
HOST
as I can
judge , those false “Sikos”
have let you
down. You considered
them of a German
make but in
reality they are
made in one
of my production
shops. Besides, the
ring with a
turquoise stone in Boa’s
genitals facilitated the
damage as it
was angular and
very prickly. Am
I right, my
respectable Devi? Though
I don’t know
why I am
speaking so much! ( rustling of
papers is heard). Here
is the expert’s
conclusion. Take it
and cherish it
as the apple
of your eye. It
is the only
specimen , there are no
copies of it!
DEVI
such a shot
hasn’t been invented
in golf yet,
Man!
HOST
so the car
crash was artificial
though rather well
planned and performed.
You lacked experience!
LILY
what have I
to do with
it?
HOST
at the interrogation
you said that
you hadn’t seen
the money and
suitcase, didn’t you?
LILY let’s assume
this.
HOST
when you threw
one hundred dollar
banknotes into the
car fallen into
the river, some
of them did
not get soaked.
And there are
your finger prints on them ( rustling
of papers is
heard). Here is
the conclusion. Take it
and cherish it
as the apple
of your eye. It
is the only
specimen , there are no
copies of it! To
burn these copies
cost a lot
of money.
FX SILENCE.
LILY a
good conclusion. You play
golf like the
angel of Death! You
probably know that ...
HOST
Siko-Torpedo is to blame
for everything as
half a million
was missing in the
suitcase he had
brought.
DEVI
how did you
find out all
this, Man?
HOST
we hanged him on
a
magic tree by his
own testicles and
he unbosomed himself
and besides he
tried to convince
me that he
had to bark
for the one
who fed the
dog!
LILY
villain!
DEVI
degenerate!
HOST
he did it
so that you
would kill each
other and then
he would take
his people to
this hotel.
FX SILENCE.
LILY ( crumples
the paper and
begins chewing it). Here
is your only
conclusion.
DEVI ( eats
the paper too)
Such a shot
was not invented in golf.
HOST (
pours out cognac, brings glasses
for them ) Drink it
with cognac. It goes
well with it ( bursts
into laughter). You‘ve
showed such resourcefulness that
I must take
a good care
of you until
new ones appear.
LILY
a well done
set. Now I’ll
add one thing
to that painting. (sound of
steps).
HOST
you probably don’t
know that I
have already got
the money hidden
by you.
DEVI
who brought it
to you-- a
cook, a maid
or a barman, Man?
HOST
does it make
any difference? The
main thing is
that your foulard has
been empty for
a long time.
The rest sum thrown
by you into
the fallen car
and into the
river was compensated
to me by
Siko-Torpedo who got
the permission to
bark from me.
LILY
at that moment
you , probably, were
smoking an odd
cigar .
HOST yes,
but it
would have been better
if I had
smoked an even one!
(a clock bells ). It’s high
time I left.
DEVI
maybe you’ll stay
with us. We’ve got
a nice room
for you, Man.
HOST ( laughs) no, thank you.
I love sleeping
peacefully. hostess, I am
sorry for preventing
you from painting.
How much do
I owe you?
LILY Host, if
you are not in a
hurry, come up for
a moment and
have a look
at this.
HOST (
sound of
steps) ( Pause) Dear me,
you’ve failed to
be a good
clairvoyant! What have
you painted?
DEVI this
white car had been
painted before. She painted
this one of
mahogany color. This means it
must fall down
soon. We’ve got
a car of
mahogany color, Lily! So are
we going to fall
into the abyss like
Boa and Tattoo!
Why must we die?
We’ve not taken
the money, Man!
HOST wait a
bit! It would
be rather a
cheap and straightforward dramaturgic
means. And my friend
Shakespeare won’t like
it! This newly
painted car, my
dear Lily, is
not of mahogany
color.
LILY
but of which one?
HOST Siko-Torpedo
has got a
totally new red Ford-Mustang ! I
feed him and
again he barks
in the other place. He began selling
young girls to the third
rate brothels in
Belgium. And this is
a disgusting crime, as it
takes place without me.
Have you understood?
FX SOUND
OF A REMOTE
BURST IS HEARD
14. AGAIN IN
FRONT OF THE
HOTEL, ON THE ROAD
FX SOMEBODY STRIKES A MATCH. SOUND OF
AN APPROACHING HELICOPTER.
HOST
Don’t think this
pipe is Usama
bin Laden’s present.
There, in Berne
lives a man
born under a
tobacco plant, named
Mr. Michael Comersoul,
who sometimes sends
me extra-class cigars
from his shop
under the same
name “COMERSOUL”. He
himself acquainted me
with Mr. Shakespeare
and offered us
coffee in the
shop. He acquainted
me with senior Gvido
from Arezo in the
same way. So , all
of them are
my friends. And
I know it
for sure that
Mr. William Shakespeare
and Gvido from Arezo are fond of
these cigars just like
me. And let
some scribbler Mosulishvili
think that these
immortal artists are dead and
he is alive!
15. IN HEAVEN
FX SOUNDS
OF HOSTILITIES ACCOMPANYING
THE WHOLE PLAY
CEASE IN THIS SCENE.
TWITTERING OF SWALLOWS, MURMURING OF A FOUNTAIN
IS HEARD.
BOA
so, my dear
pupil, who hangs
behind, what’s your home task?
TATTOO
solfeggio.
BOA
my God! What
have I done
that I am
to look after
such a dullard!
Don’t you know
that you’ll be
pulled by your
ear for such
a short answer!
Come on, give
a full answer.
TATTOO ( quickly-quickly) our
teacher senior Gvido
from Arezo set
me a task
first of all to
get rid of
this naked woman
painted on my
back with her
snake and then
to learn solfeggio. And our
golf teacher William
Shakespeare set me
a task to
learn a “medium-swing “ and a
“full iron shot”.
BOA
have you done
the other home
tasks?
TATTOO
both shots in
golf I know
excellently!
BOA
with golf everything
is clear, you
are a favorite
pupil of William
Shakespeare. But now I am
asking you about
solfeggio and the
naked woman.
TATTOO
have a look
at my back!
Mr. Shakespeare gave
me the medicine
which removed everything
painlessly.
BOA
and solfeggio?
TATTOO
oh, this damned
solfeggio. Solfeggio means
exercises built on
musical sounds. To
indicate a pitch
of a musical
sound we use
syllables -- do, re, mi, fa, sol,
la, si.
BOA
that’s good. Can you go
on?
TATTOO
the modern solfeggio
system was founded
by an Italian
monk, senior Gvido from
Arezo. He lived
in the 11th century
and now he
teaches such dullards
and dunces as
we are.
BOA
not as we, but as
you. Well?
TATTOO
senior Gvido tried
to teach his
pupils to sing from
a sheet of
paper and for
this reason he used
a well-known hymn....
BOA have
you forgotten it? Well, I’ll
remind you! ... to
saint ...
TATTOO
saint... saint…
BOA John!
TATTOO
the hymn to
saint John!
BOA go on.
TATTOO
the first notes C,D,E,F,G,A of the
first six phrases
from the melody
by senior Gvido
from Arezo form
a line of sounds
which correspond to
the following syllables : Ut, Re, mi, fa, sol, la, but...
BOA But?
TATTOO
But in the course of
time in solfeggio
practice the first
syllable “ut” changed
to “do”.
BOA
that’s nice! Now
let’s play and
sing this universal
hymn to John!
TATTOO ( plays
with difficulty and
sings badly ).
Ut que-ant
la-xis re-so-na-re fi-bris
Mi-ra ge-sto-rum fa-mu-li
tu-o-rum, Sol-ve pol-lu-ti
La-bi-i re-atum, San-cte
Jo-an-nes.
BOA
well, that will do.
But when you
pass on from
fortissimo to pianissimo
add a little
forte! Come on!
( they
sing the hymn
together).
TATTOO
I like this
myself!
BOA
so, you see
it with your
own eyes!
TATTOO we
must
be thankful to
DEVI and LILY
that they sent us
here!
BOA
we were lucky
or we would
have to throw
Siko-Torpedo with his
red Ford-Mustang into
that abyss!
TATTOO
Besides, we would
have to sell
girls fraudulently to
the third class
brothels in Belgium
in stead of
him!
BOA
I hate such
shopping tours!
TATTOO
We would have
to be Rockefellers
faithful to the
HOST and to
bark for him!
BOA
Don’t remind me!
TATTOO
It’s much better
here! Mr. Shakespeare
has no better
pupil in golf than I and
at last if
I make a
mistake in the
hymn, the maximum
senior Gvido from
Arezo will do
is pull me by
the ear!
BOA
and he will
apologize immediately!
FX SOME
DIVINE MUSIC IS
HEARD.
TATTOO
I wonder when
we’ll learn to
play so well.
BOA
Never, you, stupid!
TATTOO
Why?
BOA
Because it’s Gvido
from Arezo himself
playing!
TATTOO Au! I
don’t belong to
myself!
BOA And
I don’t
either! I am
trembling. Do you
know what kind
of sensation it is?
TATTOO
Simply unexplainable!
BOA
Fantastic and wonderful
like a honeymoon!
TATTOO
Yes, it is like
a prelude to
love when you
caress your dearest
one. You are excited.
BOA
You are whimpering like
a child! Oh! oh! Oh!
TATTOO
You are trembling
and quivering like
a leaf.
BOA
My whole body is
vibrating and I have
a feeling as if
desired spasms begin
in muscles!
TATTOO
pleasant itching, very
intense.
BOA
Don’t interrupt me! Desired sweetness is moving
to the zenith! Moving and moving,
without stopping! It’s a crescendo!
(sings again) ) Do-re-me-fa -sol-la-si!
TATTOO
To the top of
love, reaching its peak.
BOA
It’s sforzando ---- a sudden
emphasis on a
definite sound!
TATTOO
Sforzando!
BOA
Then it’s very easy, very easy!
You ascend and descend! Ascend and descend! Again and
again!
TATTOO
A sforzando on
the top!
BOA Yes!
TATTOO
It’s such a feeling
that neither alcohol
nor narcotic euphoria
could be compared with it!
BOA
It’s a fantastic
bouquet of all major and
minor keys with their
sharps and flats!
A whole quartet-quintet circle!
TATTOO
A whole quartet-quintet circle!
BOA Oh,
my God! Oh!
TATTOO
Oh, my God! Oh!
BOA
Thank you very
much, LILY!
TATTOO
Thank you very
much, DEVI!
BOA
Wait!
TATTOO
What’s the matter?
BOA
And he who
likes Bob Marley , who
sings about a
buffalo soldier.
TATTOO
Yes, Bob Marley!
BOA
Maestro, Bob Marley!
FX THE
SONG OF BOB MARLEY
ABOUT A
BOA (Cont’d) This song can
make you feel
high!
TATTOO
Besides, you don’t need
a condone “Siko”
at all!
BOA
Yes, never mind
if it is
real or...
TATTOO
False!
BOA Oh,
my God! Oh!
TATTOO
Oh, my God! Oh!
BOA Oh!
TATTOO Oh!
16. AGAIN IN
FRONT OF THE
HOTEL, ON THE ROAD.
HOST
and how did
you like the dance
with corpses , staged by me?
FX PAUSE.
HOST (Cont’d) When I come
to Berne
I’ll drop at
the shop of Michael
Comersoul and in a circle
of my close friends
I’ll enjoy odd
cigars and tell my
friend Gvido from
Arezo this story
and ask him,
-- Why am I
worse than my friend Mr. Shakespeare as a
playwright ?
FX PAUSE.
HOST(Cont’d) I
wonder what Richard, duke
of Gloster, will say
about it.
(grins).
FX THE SOUND
OF A HELICOPTER
IS VERY CLOSELY.