You will be Punished

Q: What did the police officer say to his stomach?
A: "You're under a vest."

Q: Whats worse then a worm in your apple?
A: The Holocaust.

Lets cellebrate!

Gofer help!

Trees company!

Dont lick any poles!

Q: What happened to the sausage that walked into the chipper?
A: It got Battered!

Q: What happened to the chip that walked into the chipper?
A: It got Assaulted

Q: What happened to the wooden car?
A:I wouldn' go.

A man walks into a hardware store and asks if they have a tool for breaking up some hard ground. The shop assistant points to a row of suitable tools along the wall and replies: "Certainly sir, take your pick."

I took my garbage out to give it to the trash collectors, but I found I'd missed them -- they'd already bin and gone.

Q: How do you make a cigarette lighter?
A: You take out all the tobacco.

It's not practical.

I cant, it's too... DIMENSIONAL!

2 bees come home:
"Honey, I'm homosexual!"

Q: What did the tree say when it was baffled?
A: "I'm stumped."

Q: What do you get when you cross a woodlouse with a policeman?
A: Insector Gadget!

Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.

Q: How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
A: You rock-et.