Miharu Studios

Wednesday

Sometimes I can't remember who I am anymore. Or even who I was back then. I get so lost in my thoughts and in my mind that I can't differentiate between real and my imagination. The radio in my head is broken and keeps playing the same songs over and over again, I can't concentrate because of it. I try to think of words and all I get are words to songs. I try to recall memories and all I can see is images of him. His voice echoes in my head... his face haunting my slumber. I haven' t had this happen in a long time... well more like two years... but at least then he was someone I knew... not going there. I can't sleep because I feel I have to write but I can only write about him...GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

Time seems to mesh together up there... I can't ever seem to get memories straight with dates and places. I can't even remember what I had for dinner last night, yet I can remember every detail of his face. I can only recall peoples faces but not their names and I can recall their eye color but not their general body shape. I hear voices of people who aren't here anymore. They follow me everywhere along with him . WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

I no longer seem to be close to the people I used to be. I no longer seem to be close to anyone anymore actually. Their friends but not real friends... How is it you know someone your whole life and they only see you as a friend and someone to talk to but not that kind of friend? Do they really even know me? Do they care? Do they really listen when I ask them to? Or is it only me who is the sympathetic ear? Am I totally alone here? WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?

I can only cry in the dark abyss that is loneliness because no one notices when I break down. My tears can fall crashing to earth and the world could be shattering around me and no one would stop to try to save me. I'm bleeding from the inside out and no one shows up with a truncate. No one. Nobody. Nada. But me. It's like I'm stuck behind the glass at the zoo. Oh, everyone look at the amazing broken girl... Now don't point it's not nice. Aw look, she's trying to tell us something but we have to move on now, back to the frozen hell exhibit. WHY DO YOU LEAVE ME?

Sometimes I wonder if its all really real. Like I wonder if its just a bad dream . Or maybe I'm just some soul stuck in the midway cursed to live forever in eternal loneliness. And the only thing I can do to find the answer is to sit here and forever ponder the meaning of everything around me until I'm psycho from analyzing every little fragment of what is what I think is real. I WISH YOU'D JUST DISAPEAR!

Possibly crazy and definitely lonely,

*~indecentexposure~*

Thursday

Why is it that life just seems to slip away... like sand in between your fingers. It's nothing solid or tangible, yet it controls every aspect of our beings. Youth smashed away in the rush to be grown up and old age plagued with all the things you missed out on and on every mistake that led to where you are. We're never just happy being alive, always searching for that something better. It perplexes me how fragile and how edgy a human really is. I mean take this in to consideration, every movement and judgment we make is based on our emotions. Something small can shatter a perfectly balanced person and they could never regain the pieces. We live in fear of everyone finding out about our fears and secrets. We can't really connect because we're always holding back. Does this make any sense?

Today elapses over and over in my mind... events I could have sworn happened days ago really only happened this morning. Am I losing it? And what is it anyways? I'm off subject again. It seems the school set out on a mission this year to separate me from every single person who means something to me. People I was so close to last year I only see glimpses of this year. Is that what life is going to be like? Always moving around and never really being able to connect with anyone because your always gone the next day? Is there another way to go about each day and stay the same? Stop time for a while and enjoy the moment? I'm plagued by these questions every waking second.

Is it all worth it? I mean to give everything away and just hope and pray that its given in return? Sometimes I ponder this while I'm sitting alone in my cave at the School. Is everything I'm trying to do worth anything in the end? Why even try? I mean it's not like you'll be able to take anything with you once you're dead no matter what you think. What good is it to maintain material wealth when it can be lost at the snap of a finger?

Oh and how the wealthy preach... hypocrites... We're all hypocrites. Every single last one of us. Tell me something I didn't already know and then you can say your better than me. Ha. Who are we trying to fool? Others? Or ourselves? Something is only true if you believe in it first. To quote from Ever After, "... What is to conclude then your majesty that we first make criminals then break them." Hmmm.... yea... sounds about right or this one from Cold Mountain, "... But they make the weather and then they stand in the rain and say 'Shit, it's raining'."

Well folks... I hate to inform you that the earth is crashing down on us and we're all gonna die. But I have good news... I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

Yep... sounds about right.

Stuck pondering the meaning of what I just wrote,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

It seems today I'm not the one whose crazy. Principle Asshole was on a rampage all day. Everyone was hoping he wasn't going to be there when they turned a corner. I crossed his path twice, 1st and last period. 1st period like 20 of us were called down to the office to get yelled at for a some rule we didn't know we were breaking and last period because my science class went to the LGI for a guest speaker. Even my science teacher was quivering under his glare. I kept giving him looks of contempt. He hates me and I don't care.

The guest speaker was this credited scientist from Harvard Medical. He was really cool. Really funny also, He couldn't seem to work his brand new Sony Vio 10 that I was like drooling over, He let me do it for him. He asked us a lot of interesting questions. One that had me thinking was, "What do you think of when you wake up in the morning? Do you think about the things you'll enjoy during the day or do you just think about what you have to do today? Or do you even think about anything? If you think about the first one then you'll make it far in life." My first thought this morning had been, "Shit, it's too early for anyone to function properly." Does that mean I'm not going to be motivated enough to go into Music Media? Or does it just mean that I'm just not a morning person? But I know I'm not a morning person. I like the night. All the really interesting things happen at night.

Waiting for the night to start,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday,

How did I end up getting roped into this? Sorry, let me explain for you because you obviously can't see where I am. It's 10:30 a.m. and I'm sitting under a tent behind a hot dog cooker at the rest stop. I've been here since 8:00 a.m. and it's been raining and it's freezing. Dance2Live4Ever's and My shift doesn't end till noon. Kill me now.

So far I've met people from Australia, Japan, China, Italy, Canada, Mexico, Spain and India. I've made 48 hot dogs and served them, 30 coffees, and said "It's all by donation" 200 times. I've replaced baked goods and counted money, handed people freezing cold sodas and restocked the burning hot hot dog machine. I'm cold, tired and freezing wishing I was back home in my nice warm, soft, comfortable bed. *Frowns* Must go back to sleep. One order of sleep please and please make it to go.

Hillbeth1234 should be here at noon to relieve me of this unbearable coldness. Then I have to come back at 4:00 p.m. for third shift till 8:00 p.m. And I have to come back tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. to work till 1:00 p.m. Put me out of my misery right now.

Dance2Live4Ever is staying the night at my house tonight because we have to plan our big Halloween party.

Thinking about my comfy bed,

*~indecentexposure~*

Sunday,

Finally warm... *Sighs*... it's about time. It was so cold out there today. *Shivers* We did good though so I guess it's worth it. Key word... guess. The tent almost blew away... We were holding onto it going "Crap, crap crapity crap". Cowboy I don't think were in Campbell anymore.

Dance2Live4ever and myself made all the plans for our big Halloween party. The guest list is a little big... umm... 40 people big. It's going to be interesting. I have no clue what I'm going to do with Cowboy... he'll be barking all night at all the strange people (And I mean that literally because my friends are pretty damn strange). Next weekend I'm going either bowling or to the movies with Dance2Live4Ever, Kinsora, Forever_Elphia and some other peeps. Now, that will be fun. Kinsora is the coolest new kid ever. And Dance2Live4Ever is my best friend ever... more like sister but it doesn't matter. Kinsora fits in perfectly with us.

God, There’s nothing to do here!

I'm going to go and watch some T.V.

Wondering who said these are the best days of our lives,

*~indecentexposure~*

Later Sunday

I don't have a reasonable hypothesis to why I watch shows like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition... They only make me really and incredibly sad. They were redoing a camp for the disabled and this one girl there made me start bawling. She had to have dialysis because her kidney's are shutting down and eventually the cancer she had was going to kill her, and she told this with a straight face and a shrug to one of the staff people on the show. Why does that happen to a child who hasn't even had a chance at a life, even if it wasn't that great of one? People always say that God just wants them to come back to him, but what Higher power would make a 6 year old child go through that kind of thing and take them away from the people who love them here? If there really is a God up there, he's cruel, vindictive, unjust and unfair.

Trying to forget that little girls face,

*~indecentexposure~*

Monday

Quoted from Netogrof's Livejournal;

"Dear body,

You suck.

That's all,

Mel"

Dear Netogrof's body,

She thinks you suck,

And I think so too.

That's all.

Easily amused and hardly impressed,

*~indecentexposure~*

Later Monday

Message to Dance2Live4Ever on myspace.com...

I heart you long time Batty Man...

Mrs. Erin BBQ Chickon wing...

Mr. Mattchew Macaroni Pickles lives just down the street from me and we never knew it!

Ha... What a Coinkydink!

Your Robin

Reply to my post on myspace.com...

HA! You said Coinkydink!

I ::heart:: Mr. Mattchew Macaroni Pickles...

Robin, I heart you big long time too!!

<3 Batty Man

P.s. you missed a spot when you washed the Bat Mobile yesterday... if you don't do it right then I'm going to have to punish you with the special thing... you remember ^_*

Entirely amused and completely losing it,

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday

I just reread what I just wrote yesterday and the way I worded it made me sound gay... and I'm not thanks. Who cares, I don't really plan on showing this to anyone anyway so who are you going tell right? While I'm on the subject of ummm... What’s a polite way to phrase it... people who like the same sex... yea that’s good... Forever_Elphia was going on and on about this other girl at our school today. She really, really likes her and this girl is kind of giving her the cold shoulder right now. It's really making me mad... Forever_Elphia doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. She has to be one of the coolest people I know and for this chick to make her this sad is not right. I hope she cheers up because its really dragging me down.

There's this guy in school I really like and he doesn't even notice. I'm just another friend to him. We've been friends for ages and sometimes I wish he'd look my way. His girlfriend right now is nice but I don't know... there's something about her that's not right. She is really controlling... and suspicious that one of "Us girls" that he hangs with is trying to steal him from her. So she's trying to make it so he doesn't hang with us anymore and it's really making me mad because the group of us always hang out and it's been that way since 4th grade and now here she is trying to get in the way of our friendship. She needs to back the hell off before she really makes me mad and I do something I'm going to regret the next day.

Wishing he'd just dump her and be with me,

*~indecentexposure~*

Wednesday

OMG! Today was hilarious! okay lets start at the beginning...

4th period me and Kinsora walked around with the digital camera for photography. Well the battery died and we started back to VD's room. We stopped at the Gatorade machine and like totally screwed it up somehow... but yea... we fixed it... Kinsora was like... "Hey, would you still love me if I walked around like this..." and she did this really like weird walk that looked like she was having seizures and I about died laughing. I was like "Yea... I'd just pretend I didn't know you," And she was like, "I'd be fallowing you going... 'hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!'" Yea sorry but it was really really funny... then we went back to class and told Mr. Mattchew Macaroni Pickles about it and he and Kinsora did it together and I was on the ground laughing... VD was like "if you guys don't calm down I'm sending you out," and Mr. Mattchew Macaroni Pickles was like "I'll just walk home then... dang that’s a long way to walk." I was like "No shit... I'll walk with you." Kinsora was like "Me too!" I was like "Sweet... we can all go to Kinsora’s house and Par-Ty!" Sorry... all the cool kids live out of district...lol.

Then last period Tom got his Hard hat stuck up on the piping in the Chorus room and he tried to get it down with my Pre-Calc book... didn't work. My book got stuck up there and we had to put Spazoid1989 up in a base mount to get them down... it was really funny. Then Mike and Cameron decided they wanted to bring the couches that were out in the hallway into the Chorus room and stick them on the risers... yea... good times...lol.

I have to pick up Kinsora at 6:45 tomorrow for Prom Committee... ::Ugh:: Could they make it any earlier? I'm gonna die, I have to watch him with her tomorrow... I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a hot fire poker.

Hoping to not wake up in the morning,

*~indecentexposure~*

Thursday

Well I woke up... damn...

I was totally not alive when we picked Kinsora up... She wasn't either so I guess that's okay... Our meeting went great... we got a lot done. Our theme this year is Red Carpet Black Tie After Party... like you know the black and white Hollywood after parties? Yea, I love it. It's so fricken cool... we're going to have a red carpet and like this projector inside that's going to be playing old black and white movies. Last week we had this idea to have disposable cameras on all the tables and that works because it could be like the "candid party moments"... and we can buy black and white cameras. I'm so excited about this... it's going to be awesome! We want everything like totally retro Hollywood... Instead of crowns like have like Oscars... And most of the music be like classic's like by Frank Sinatra and stuff... *Dances to "New York, New York"*.

The rest of the day was kind of boring... Ha, I got to say bitch, damn you to hell, AND whore in English today with out getting into trouble... lol... sorry, we're reading The Crucible and I was John Proctor...*Smiles* Or as Netogrof's class last year called him "Johnny P"...lol

I'm so easily amused...

~ Is this more than you bargained for yet, oh, don't worry, I'm watching you two from the closet~

*Frowns and mutters about Fall Out Boy not even making it better*

He ignored me today and I don't know why.

~Wishing to be the friction in your jeans~,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

Umm... yea... problem... Mom didn't wake me up this morning... yea, I just woke up and it's after 3... Oppps.

And the bad thing is I'm still tired... God I suck.

Let's see... finally saw Fall out Boy's new music video for "Dance, Dance". Holy hell, it was awesome! Pete looks cute even as a nerd... but Patrick's just another story... Oh, but did they look hot in that video! WooT! I was so pissed though because me and Dance2Live4Ever could have been in that video but mom's a wench and backed out on us at the last minute. That could have been my chance to convince Patrick to marry me...:( I was so close at the concert... if those barricades would not have been there I could have touched him and Pete...

God, I need to get a life...

~Why don't you show me the little bit of spine you've been saving for his mattress, love, I only want your sympathy, in the form of you crawling into bed with me~

*Sighs and yell's "Tell me where my beloved Patrick!"*

~I hide behind these words, but I'm jumping out~

Damn it, damn it, damn it! Get out of my head Patrick!

Well I guess it might help if I change the song on the media player... yea... I'm not crazy, don't mind me...

~I'm in a car underwater with time to kill, thinking back I forgot to tell you this, I didn't care how you left and abandoned me, what hurts more is I would still die for you~

Sweet, sweet Armor For Sleep... between the you and Fall Out Boy you seem to know how to describe everything I'm feeling. He ignored me again today. It's really starting to hurt.

~Ashamed of the way, the songs and the words own the beating of our hearts~

I'm not ashamed of it but it isn't something I share publicly. Music is everything to me. With out it I'd die. Point blank.

~The poets are just kids who never made it~,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

I'm writing this from the safety of the bathroom to protect myself from the hell storm outside this door. Simple math equation... 2 teenage girls + 3 very young boys + 1 over active dog = Chaos. Dance2Live4Ever can handle them for a moment while I regain some sanity and not murder them all. After all, they are her nephews.

How did she suck me into this??? AHAHAHAHAH! Everything hurts... migraine... really bad... *whimpers*

~I can't blame you for being you, but you can't blame me, for hating it~

I wish Patrick was here... or Pete... I'm not picky at this point... Just one to ... ah... help me "relax"... ^_*

*Smiles out to space*

Damn... she found me... got to go...

Starting out with murder in her eye,

*~indecentexposure~*

Sunday

Fall Out Boy mania

~I'm two quarters and a heart down, and I don't want to forget how your voice sounds, these words are all I have so I'll write them, so you need them just to get by, dance, dance, we're falling apart to half time, dance, dance, And these are the lives you'd love to lead, dance, this is the way they'd love if they knew how misery loved me~

Dance you heart out boy,

*~indecentexposure~*

Monday

So much happened it's gonna be hard to put it all down in a logical order so that you can follow the events that happened today. I'll try though...

School was boring... Nothing really interesting. 5th period, Dance2Live4Ever, Kinsora and myself decided to go shopping after school for the Halloween Party. On the way to 6th period, I ran into Netogrof and invited her to come with us also. So after 6th period we all went out to find my mom in the parking lot. But wait... no mom... So we ended up calling my Grandpa and having him pick us up and drop us off at Wal-Mart.

The Wal-Mart venture was so funny... Dance2Live4Ever found a Batman mask and Kinsora and Netogrof found Darth Vader masks... Yea... then they found light sabers and were fighting with each other... it was really funny. Then we walked over to the Dollar Store to see if they had the stuff we needed cheaper... Dance2Live4Ever punched me dead on my boob and it hurt so bad... yea... I chased her around in a circle for a while. Kinsora was standing around one of the isles when I chased Dance2live4Ever... she was holding a mop like a sword and she was like "STOP CHASING MY WIFE!" and I was like "Okay. Time to go back to Wal-Mart." On the way back to Wal-Mart, Kinsora almost tripped into a pot hole and found this pair of plastic sunglasses frames and was like "Sweet, I'm keeping them". Then afterwards we had to sit there and wait for someone to show up to pick us up and the one door was broken at the entrance where we were sitting, so we were having a blast watching people walk into the doors and watching them close on people who weren't paying attention.

So then my Grandma shows up and tells me that my Grandpa called from the hospital and something was wrong with mom.

Apparently, Papa went to wake her up and she wasn't responding, it took him half and hour to get a response from her.

So I sat in the emergency room for four hours and I'm exhausted. I'm staying at my grandparents house tonight so I have to go because their waiting for me.

Dieing to know the truth and living for the lies,

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday

Everything just keeps getting worse... what the hell is going on?

I found out today that someone who graduated from our school last year and who I knew, O'D and died yesterday. I don't understand what went wrong. He was so nice and such a talented person... It made me really sad because I know his family and their good people... I feel so bad... Why do people I know keep dieing? It's really, really depressing.

And I've known for a while that my favorite teacher's sister has Cancer and she's been really sick... he says she’s getting better slowly... that makes me really sad too because he’s such a caring person and he's been the biggest influence in my life and this is happening to his family. It's not fair.

Dear Life,

I hate you,

You're cruel, unjust and deceitful.

Signed by me

I'm so depressed. *sighs*

Tomorrow will be better I hope because I don't have Chemistry. Any day without her is a good one.

When I looked for a shoulder to cry on he had no shoulders left to comfort with. She makes me sick.

Desperate for the answers and pushing away the truths,

*~indecentexposure~*

Wednesday

My God, what is going on with the world this week????

My best friend is three weeks late...

Jesus Christ...

*Holds face in hands and wonders why everything is going terribly wrong*

And the worst part is that her Boyfriend is being an ass right now and he's not talking to her.

My head hurts... everything is bad... I just want to lean on someone instead of being the shoulder everyone else leans on for once. But when I need a shoulder no one has one to offer. I feel cheeped.

~Please put the doctor on the phone, 'cause I'm not making any sense, blame everyone but me for this mess, and my back has been breaking, from this heavy heart, we never seemed so far, I'm hopelessly hopeful your just hopeless enough, but we never had it at all, and the record won't stop skipping, and the lies just won't stop slipping, and besides my reputations on the line, we can fake it for the airwaves, force out smiles, baby, half dead, from comparing myself to everyone else around me~

Pete sure has a way with describing everything I feel right now.

For one day I wish everything would be okay... is that so much to ask for?

Silent tears for raging fears,

*~indecentexposure~*

Thursday

*Silent earth shattering tears falling from blood shot eyes*

The funeral is tomorrow. Dance2Live4Ever and I are going...

This can't be happening... not right now

Oh, God

*Sobs*

Is this really happening?

WHY!?!?!?!?!

I can't imagine what his family is going through if I feel this way and I barely knew him.

~And I'm sure the view from heaven, beats the hell out of mine here, and if we all believe heaven, maybe we'll make it through one more year, down here, you won't be coming back, and I didn't get to say goodbye, I really wish I got to say goodbye~

Some how Yellowcard is my thoughts today.

Everything is so screwed up.

I can't even remember the good things that happened today because my minds so clogged and hazy.

Wishing for the way it used to be,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

*frowns and fights back never ending tears of sorrow*

The worst part of the funeral was seeing his sister and his cousin crying. I've known them for so long and it broke my heart to see her bawl the way she was. I didn't start crying until I saw some people who graduated last year with him and were in our Photography class... When I saw them I had instant flashbacks to all the jokes and the laughter we all shared and it made me realize that he was really gone.

Damn it, I'm crying again.

I got back to school at the end of 3rd period... there was like 15 minutes left... I didn't want to go to class and face those people. I was crying still and my face was all red... With only one friend in there who isn't "popular" or snooty I didn't want to hear their hypocritical "What’s the matter?" or answer their questions about the service. I wanted to curl up in a corner and just keep crying till I was so dehydrated I had to go to the hospital. Hillbeth1234's boyfriend was his half brother and he was away at boot camp and came home for today. I was so glad to see him. When it was over and we went outside I walked up to them and Hillbeth1234 and her mom was like "Hey hunny" and her boyfriend was like "Hey Sky" I was like "Hey". We stood there for a little bit then mom said we had to leave and I gave him a hug and he was like "Thank you so much for coming" and I was like "It's okay" and started crying again as Mom, Dance2Live4Ever and me were walking away. I feel terrible.

I didn't even get to say goodbye.

I wrote a poem for them... I'll write it in here too... just a sec...

Funeral For A Friend

Crying myself to sleep and laughing to keep myself awake,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

Omg!

This is awesome!.... More update tomorrow... well at least in three hours...

Show me a little bit of skin baby,

*~indecentexposure~*

Sunday

More time to explain... that was the best way to end the week ever!

Okay so only like 10 people showed up... But that's okay

We walked to Mr. Mattchew Macaroni Pickles house and tried to kidnap him... lol... we were walking back and Justmike went ahead to supposedly "To get the car to pick us up". yea.... he went and hid in the bushes up the street... he jumped out and scared the living hell out of Dance2live4Ever and Erin. It was so funny... And they did it in front of my science teachers house... good thing she didn't come out because we were all in our costumes... Dance2live4Ever and Erin were Playboy Bunny Rejects... yea...

Then about 10 we started playing truth or dare... This was the best ... We played truth or dare for 4 hours...

We dared Justmike to streak to the corner and back... OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO FUNNY!! Kinsora was all like "I can't watch"... ( She really likes him)... He got half way to the corner we told him to run to and a car came and he had to run back...lol...

Then we made Kinsora drink toilet water... hehehe....

Then Jeff made Kinsora, Dance2Live4Ever and Erin make out... for thirty seconds... at the same time.... They ended up doing it like five times because they kept laughing and we had to keep stopping the timer...

Then we made Justmike give Kinsora a strip show... hehehe...

Sorry mom just interrupted us...

Then we made Kinsora and Erin walk down the street with no bra or top on...

Then we made JustMike drink mine, Dance2live4Ever, and my bros "Party Concoction" which consisted of all the things we could find in the refrigerator... :)

Then we made Jeff give Forever_Elphia a lap dance... heehehehehehe...

Then we made Justmike lay on the floor and we gave him a superman S on his stomach... with whip cream...and made Kinsora and Dance2Live4Ever lick it off... they both did like one lick then shoved all the whip cream up into his face... He retaliated by grabbing Kinsora and wiping his face all over her shirt and face... lol...

Are you sensing a pattern yet? Every other turn we turned on Justmike... and Kinsora... :)

Forever_Elphia is going out with Jeff... so cute...:)

I had so much fun... I'm so glad Justmike didn't have to work and that Dance2Live4Ever's parents said she could come...

Laughing to myself picturing him running down the street,

*~indecentexposure~*

Monday

Just another boring day. We're going to have another party this weekend... Yea... We're so cool... lol.

Today is the best Holiday EVER! I love Halloween. It's the holiday made just for me... A day to be the freak you really are inside and not be questioned to whether or not you've gone crazy. It's the Holiday for sinners and that's just what I am.

Netogrof and I walked around the Park then up and down Clawson drive. She was a pirate and I was Lady Zorro...lol... we had major sword complexes. Hehehe... *says in Kinsora’s funny voice "I am Lady Zorro and I am here to fight for justice and Candy"*

I can't believe I'm really a junior... I so don't act like one on the inside.

And I really don't care.

Is that bad?

Off to fight for justice and candy,

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday

God I HATE MOM!

~Take my photo off the wall, if it just wont sing for you, 'cause all that's left has gone away, and there's nothing there for you to do, oh, look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone, oh well, it seems like such fun, until you lose what you had won, but oh, look what you’ve done, you've made a fool of everyone, a fool of everyone, a fool of everyone.~

*Mumbles that Jet should be telling this to bitch lady down stairs*

That’s all,

Trying not to go strangle her,

*~indecentexposure~*

Wednesday

WooT! Mine and Kinsora's pictures turned out freaking awesome today in photography. I'm so good. lol... Kinsora did all the developing so I have to give her credit there but I took all the awesome pictures. ^_^

Tom today, omg I still can't believe this... Kinsora and I were in the dark room and we heard them yelling and stuff so when we got a chance to open the door we saw VD's window was all cracked and it looked like a bullet went through it. I guess Tom and Cameron were goofing off and Tom smacked the glass open handed and it just did that. The only reason the glass hadn't shattered was because of the metal wiring in it. I guess if it did it would have gotten Cameron right on the face, him in the side of the head, AND it would have gone back at Tom and Kara was right behind Tom when it happened so it would have gotten her too. I guess its a good thing it didn't shatter.

I love my grandparents... sorry this isn't random... My grandpa just bought me a new printer/scanner/ copier... ^_^ makes life three thousand times easier then using floppies all the time.

But its missing a cord... >:( So I have to get it some time.

Other then that nothing interesting happened today.

Prom Committee tomorrow morning again... ::ugh:: I hope Kinsora won't be awake either...

Then after school Kinsora, Dance2Live4Ever and myself are going shopping for the party this weekend at... once again... Wal-Mart.

Yep... we defiantly live in a hick town...

But you're not cool unless you do... oh snap! Score one for us...lol.

I swear I'm losing something up there...

Oh and my friends not pregnant... she was just really late at a very bad time...

Something is right at least...

He talked to me finally today... :( I love the way he smells... and I miss that smell everyday...

Totally random and almost precise,

*~indecentexposure~*

Thursday

I'm so tired...

The Dj / Manager from 95 the Met came in to talk to us today... I think we'll probably go with him... He seemed cool... He was a little surprised when we told him we didn't want rap... and that we wanted Classic rock and like Frank Sinatra...

We had a interesting discussion in English... We read an article by this lady who has a theory that the girls of Salem really did have hallucinations from ergot poisoning... Some of the people we're like "Well, Why did it only effect the girls and not anyone else"... and I kinda took over from there...lol ... I brought out all my fancy psychological knowledge and drug knowledge and put them all in awe... so funny... I love it when I know the answer...

And it seems that I'm one of three people in my Chem. class that understands what we're doing right now... And that makes me feel special too.

Also I have the highest marking period grade in my math class which is all Seniors except for me and Babe4u16... I beat her by one point and I laughed at her because at the five weeks she beat me by one point... I win... lol...

I'm on a roll and loving it...

He even talked to me today... ^_^

I ran into Mr. Mattchew Macaroni Pickles at Wal-Mart... He was picking on me so I started at him right back... He's so funny... I'm glad Dance and Neto introduced us. I also ran into Jazzy there and gave her the down low for this weekend... she might be over on Saturday...

All right I have to go make dinner because if I don't we wont eat... She makes me so mad...

Side thought... I wish he would play and sing for me again... I miss it so much it's not even funny... nice line Straylight Run... just a sec let me pop it in here...

~Sing me something soft, sad and delicate, or loud and out of key, sing me anything~

Sing to me and I'll sing to you,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

So much going on... update later...

Get your hand away from there...lol,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

Yesterday was crazy... Everyone just left and should be back later... I'm so tired though... I can hardly keep my eyes open.

To start at the beginning of the day... I was up at 6 and at school to make up a damn lab at 6:30... I have never been to school so early in my life to do school work... I felt like I was going to die...

Well only Netogrof, Kinsora, Justmike, Forever_Elphia, Jeff and Toni came... But we had fun...

We walked to the park at 9 and goofed around... we could hardly see each other so the guys were trying to scare Kinsora, Forever_Elphia and Toni... We played a game of tag... it was interesting... lol

Then we came back and hung around forever and at 3 a.m. we decided to walk to D and D's to get doughnuts... they were closed but the drive thru was open so Justmike ran back to the house and got the car so we could go through the drive thru... lol. Kinsora fell asleep in the parking lot... then we went back to the house and tried to fall alseep but Forver_Elphia kept us awake. We decided to go to Wal-Mart at 4:30... Yea that was different...

Went back home and everyone finally fell asleep and three hours later I'm awoken by the sound of my dresser falling over... And I've been awake since. Kinsora and Forever_Elphia have play practice... Justmike and Jeff are gonna pick them up in about 3 hours...

I'm gonna go get something to eat and I might take a shower...

Hardly able to move and eager to stay still,

*~indecentexposure~*

Sunday

Oh I really don't feel good...

After I went downstairs I turned on Inuyasha and I must have passed out... I don't know if they came back or not... I just woke up! Everything aches... somethings not right... I'm still so tired... it's 9... when I last wrote it was Noon...

*wants to start crying and curl up to him but he's not around when I need him anymore*

I just wish I had a man to lean on right now... one to hold me and tell me everythings going to be all right or to send me flowers for no reason like Justmike did for Kinsora... I wish that he would look at me for once and realize everything I feel and be there for me.

Alone with nothing but dreams of you holding me,

*~indecentexposure~*

Monday

I didn't wake up again today! I slept till 2! What the hell is going on??? I'm cold, pale, my body hurts and I'm so incredibly tired... I'm getting scared.

Scared of the unknown and wishing you were here to protect me,

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday

Once again I didn't wake up. I went to the doctors today. I might have Mono and /or an urinary track infection and / or Kidney stones. Isn't that nice? I won't find out till tomorrow if I have Mono or the UTI... if it's neither then their going to check for Kidney Stones. Everything hurts...

Tomorrow is Prom Comittee because theres no school on Thursday... ::Ugh:: and this time I'll be there without Kinsora or Forever_Elphia or half the people because they'll have play practice. I don't even know if their still going to have it or not because I haven't been in school. I hope so because if I'm there early and it's not happening I'm going to be mega pissed. I have to go to school tomorrow... I just have to.

I miss him so much... He's haunting my sleep again... I miss his smile and his laugh... I miss his familiar scent... I wont have class with him tomorrow either because they'll be doing play stuff all day... I won't even have Kinsora or Hillbeth1234... It's going to suck.

Papa got me Thrice's new cd today... God I love him so much. The first lines in "Between The End And Where We Lie"... It was like a bell went off in my head and said... "yes, these are the words that I have been looking for... Something to descibe the way I feel." Just a sec let me pop them in here...

~Is this everything, I've dreamed of so much more, between the end and where we lie, here all hopes and dreams are scavenged from the floor, and fed into machines that feed on vacant eyes, all of my dreams, always find me, far beyond these fake flourescent skies, I know there must be something more, if I could only find the door, then I could free myself and see the world outside~

Trying to free myself from the cage of my mind,

*~indecentexposure~*

Wednesday

I did it again! shit... what the hell is going on?

~We know that we'll never walk alone, though all the world may hate us, we are named, though the shadow overtake us, we are known~

Singing my life away with Thrice and Fall Out Boy,

*~indecentexposure~*

Thursday

~I see them everyday, we get along so why can't they, if this is what he wants, and it's what she wants, then why is there so pain, so here's your holiday, hope you enjoyed this time, you gave it all away, it was mine, so when your dead and gone, will you remember this night, 20 years now lost, it's not right~

Not a good day so far and Blink 182 just doesn't seem to be helping... Lets see...

~Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades~

Hehehe... sorry but that has to be the best line Alkaline Trio's ever written... different song...

~ From day one I talked about getting out, but not forgetting about, how all my worst fears are letting out, he said why put a new address, on the same old loneliness, when breathing just passes the time, till we all just get old and die, now talkings just a waste of breath, and livings just a waste of death, and why put a new address, on the same old loneliness, and this is you and me, and me and you, untill we've got nothing left~

*Cries for Pete's lonely heartache*

God I love those guys!

All alone listening to the songs on my media player,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

So todays Vetrens day right? Do my grandparents remember... both who were in the Airforce for God knows how many years... No. Sorry... it angerfies me.

*Slaps hand to head* See! It made me talk in Dance2Live4Ever's baby lingo! AHH!

Yeah I know I'm a freak... just don't tell anyone.

Next Friday Netogrof and myself are going to the movies only to see the movie we've been waiting ages to go see...lol.

I really want to go to the play tonight but I want to save the little money I have so I can go next week. :( Kinsora is going to be mad at me. Oh well right?

~This is side one, flip me over, I know I'm not your favorite record~

*Drifts off to Patricks sexy voice*

Huh... what... sorry... I just can't help it...

Kinsora and me have decided that we are going to learn all the moves from the "Dance, Dance" music video and do it at Prom. ^_^ yea we're cool...

Fall Out Boy Manic here, sorry I cant help it... There just so gorgeous...

Okay I'm going to stop talking about them from now on.

Off to dance with my imaginary friend,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

Fall Out Boy. Sorry, I had to do it, lol...

So instead of sitting home playing video games all night, I went with mom and retard, A.K.A. my brother, to the AA Gratitude Dance... And surprisingly had a lot of fun. OMG... hot guy rader was on overdrive! WooT! There was this one... mmm... Yea... Senior in some high school over in PA... *So Hott... Want to touch the tushie*

Damn another of Dance2Live4Ever's annoying phrases... sorry...

He was really cool too... He danced with us a couple times... He helped me teach two other...*Caughs "Older"*... people how to do the dance to "Get Low" by Lil John... Yea that was interesting...

I had a really good time and now I really should be going to sleep because it's not Saturday any more... it kind of ended 4 hours ago... Whoopsie...

Drifting off to memories of him,

*~indecentexposure~*

Sunday

~And I read about the after life, but I never really lived, more than an hour, an hour~

Patrick, my Patrick... *Smiles*

Kiki is sleeping on the bed next to me and she looks so cute...lol... thats a change for once... last night she tore up the bread mom just got... *grins*

I'm lost in my head today so if things sound random please forgive my discombobulated mind.

I found an old picture of you and me and it made me sad, why?

*~indecentexposure~*

Monday

Today was great for once in a life time...

It was generally boring till Photography... hehehe... We shoved 8 people in the dark room... ^_^ Yea that was interesting. He was talking to me and everything! He dyed his hair for the play... I like it. A long time ago we, as in the four of us best friends, discovered his "spot"... if you get what I mean... is the top of his head, We would literally sit there for hours and just play with his hair... lol... Back to today thou... He let me braid it... He looks so funny when we braid his hair... lol...

Then Cameron got mad because VD wouldn't let him take the camera out with Sean... so he drew stick figures on the whiteboard of him and VD holding hands... =) Then he drew little hearts around their heads and him and Kinsora gave them clothes... He put action bubbles in too... the one on VD said something like "you can take the camera out with Sean and Nate anytime" and his said "Jumping Jee willikers, Thanks VD"... Hehehe it was so funny... I took a pic of it... let me pop it in here...

Yea see what I mean...lol.

Then in Creative Crafts (also known as my sixth grade art class) I sat with Dance2Live4Ever, Kinsora, Ducky, Kyle and Josh... That was interesting... My favorite answer it seemed was "up your ass and around the corner" and everytime I said it Kyle cracked up... Then we were trying to be totally random... Yea that was interesting... I had alot of fun for once in there...

So all around I'd say I had a good day... OH! and we got report cards back last period... I have a 94 over all average! WooT! My lowest grade was a 90 and my highest was a 99... score one for Sky!

When you looked me I thought you'd had an epiffany but I was saddly wrong,

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday

Today was another okay day... I didn't see him thou...

Nothing really to interesting happened exept for 4th... me and Babe4u16 lab aide for My fav teacher... its been tradition the last three years to eat lunch when ever we could in his room and try to wierd him out... lol... Babe4u16 was telling me about how she won the necklace she had on and I was cracking up and he was giving her this look that was so funny... Then we started laughing harder and he called us freaks... lol... sorry it's always amusing...

Other than that not much else happened...

It's like you avoided me everywhere and it hurts,

*~indecentexposure~*

Wednesday

Damn it! I was doing so good too. What the hell is going on!

Scared of the unseen things happening,

*~indecentexposure~*

Thursday

Tell Me

Am I the only one whose wrong?

*~indecentexposure~*

Later Thursday

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

God I hate this class now... It's not fun anymore and it's not what I want any more and bigshot in Guidence wont let me drop it. I don't have the time, the resources or the want to even attempt this damn class anymore. She yelled at me today because I had to reschedual my conference. I had work to do for my fav. teacher and I had other things that needed to get done and she threw a hizzy fit when I came and told her I had to reschedual. I DONT NEED THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW!

My stress level is threw the roof and it's like my brain is too full and can't retain any new information... I'm mad, I've got a migrain the size of Texas and every damn peice of me hurts. I DON'T NEED ALL OF YOUR GUYS' PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW!

I want to curl up some where and let this migrain kill me so I never have to deal with all of the god damn drama that is our school.

Oh and I think it's bullshit that out-of-district students weren't allowed to vote today about something thats going to impact our school in a big way. I've spent 13 years of my life at this damn school, in district, and I was forced to move out of district and now I'm scum. What the fuck is wrong with your logic? I have given my time, my life, my money and my sanity to this dame school AND THEY TRIED TO KICK ME OUT!

Great now I'm in a more pissier mood, thanks a lot.

Will you be shoulder for me to lean on?

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

Taken from www.falloutboyrock.com

Questions to Pete and Answers from Pete

*~indecentexposure~*

Later Friday

I hate this class, I hate this Class, I HATE THIS CLASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Half an hour of torture and then sweet freedom! Harry Potter tonight! YES! I've only been waiting ages to see it and its finally time! OH oh its going to be friggen awesome!

*Snarls as bitch lady walks in to yell*

Wishing I could do the Levicorpus spell,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

OMG, IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!

And I had a revelation afterwards dealing with the sixth book... Harry is the last Horcrux.

Sorry, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about but that's okay, I forgive you.

Lol...

It made the little Harry Potter fan inside very happy.

Yea, still sware I'm not crazy... little wierd yes but not crazy.

My new fav. qoute is "McGonagill- 'Is that a student!' Mad Eye- 'Maybe' McGonagill- 'Didn't Professor Dumbledoor tell you that we never use transfiguration as punishment?' Mad Eye- 'Might of mentioned it'"

Malfoy's as big a baby as Ron is but I love Ron more...lol...

J.K. Rowling's a friggen genious man...lol...

Drifting of to thoughts of Hogwarts,

*~indecentexposure~*

Sunday

Hey, I'm at Dance2Live4Ever's and I really don't feel good and niether does she... I think I'm going to call my grandparents and have them pick me up.

Doubled over from pain and tears falling like rain,

*~indecentexposure~*

Monday

So I came to school late today... I can't imagine the bitching I'm going to get tommorow by witchlady. One day then freedom... This whole two days thing sucks... I wish we had the whole week off...

So tired feeling like a bullet misfired,

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday

Yea sick today again... went to the doctors... I have strep... great right?

Rocking out to Motion City Soundtrack

~I used to rely on self medication, I guess I still do that from time to time, but I'm getting better at fighting the future, say hey you'll be fine, yes I'll be just fine~

*~indecentexposure~*

Sunday

Okay, so its been awhile... more like two weeks to be precise... not to much has happened until the last couple of days... let's see...

Well Thanksgiving was crappy and then I went right back up to Dance2Live4Ever's and stayed there and visited with her family the whole weekend.

This week not much happened at the beginning. He's talking to me again and it's making me so happy... we had a discussion on Friday that lasted 30 minutes... a rarity in the last couple months. There's been a lot of drama at school lately and I'm trying to keep out of it all... I don't need it...

Oh and I don't think I mentioned it but the merger is offical... we're merging with those people... Uck... I hate this... I'm gonna have to deal with them all in my Senoir year... :( This blows...

Okay, so Friday night I stayed at Netorof's house... wanna know what we did?

We made cookies and colored in coloring books with crayons... lol... we we're like 'yea we're so pathetic'... Then we went to Wal-Mart with Hobbit and then played DanceDanceRevolution on Neto's PS2... I suck so bad at that... I have no coordination when it come to my feet...they we're doing all the fancy moves and like I couldn't even get through the easiest level...lol...

Yesterday Dance2Live4Ever came over and we went to the Christmas Sparkle on Market Street... It was the best one I've ever been too... Dude, they set up a half vert ramp in front of the Snowboarding shop and were snowboarding and sking! We were like fascinated with it for a little bit before we went to go meet Mr. Mattchew Macaroni Pickles and AJ at Rico's... Then we lost them and ran into Zack... then we ran into more of Dance2Live4Ever's friends... Then we ran into Alkalinebeauty16 and she didn't recognize me at first and then flipped out... God I haven't seen her in so long! Then we found Derrick... And talked to him for a while in the Snowboarding shop... and when we walked out guess who we founded... Kinsora! We we're all like 'OMG you cut your hair!' It look's so good and she hates it... oh well... but we left her and went into Soul Full Cup to find Mom to make sure she didn't forget about us... and found Forever_Elphia and Jeff and like went and hung in the back with them and Kinsora came in... then me and Dance2Live4Ever kept randomly disappering with Kinsora... yeah we had fun...

Dance2Live4Ever took me out to dinner because it's been so long since we've actually spent time together... We were talking and we both seem to have the same problem... Our families don't understand that we don't want the same things we did when we were kids... Both me and her want to try to get into Juilard... Which probably won't happen but hey we can dream... I had reasked myself the question 'what do I think about when I wake up in the morning' over break and I knew I was going for the wrong thing... when I wake, when I think, when I dream, it's music. Everything is music. I would like to be a singer like most people but realisticly I know that won't happen... So I want to use my strengths... writing and photograpy...to do photojournalism for the music world. And She want's to be a singer too but she's more realistic also and is going for dancing... I got a lecture today from my grandparent's that I was making a mistake and throwing away a perfect oppritunity and I was going into a field that wielded no real money. But they don't understand... How can I do something that I hate when I have the ability to do something I love? And it's not about the money... It's a benafit but not a nessesity... I know how to live on budget... I've done it my whole life... All I want is a chance... a chance to prove myself and to do what I love. How can you ask me to turn my back on something that is every waking and sleeping moment of my life?

~ Its never been harder to fall, there's nothing to grab and, that's all I want to hold on to~

The Early November... *sighs* to think I missed their concert last month... :(

Not knowing which path to choose and running out of time,

*~indecentexposure~*

Wednesday

Okay, it's been awhile again... and I am sincerly sorry for it. It's been chaos lately.

Last time I wrote was the beginning of the month and now there is but 11 days till Christmas... it's fast aproaching and is gonna suck this year too. I hate not haveing any money. It kills me not to be able to do all the things everyone eles is. And it's not like it's expensive stuff either... like going to the movies or just hanging out and having hot chocolate. It just sucks not being able to give back whats been given to you.

Kinsora wants to have a pre new years party... lol... if luck goes well it will be at our new house. Yea, we're moving... around the corner... that place is a lot nicer than this shit hole. I hate this place. I can't wait till I can leave. I'm going to apply to The Art Institute Of Tampa and also the one in Fort Lauderdale... The one in Tampa is where Netogrof is going... shes like all happy that I might go to the same school as her and all. At least I'll have one friend... I dont know... I don't know anything anymore.

I'm so lost and there's no one to guide me back here.

If you could save me would you? Would you help? Do you see me? Do you know it hurts watching you two?

I bet if you'd stop and really listen you'd hear me again and have a grand awakening.

Listen to my heart pleading to yours,

*~indecentexposure~*

Thursday

Believing in what you think should be right is nothing more than a fools joke... If I don't believe in anything I can't be hurt when I'm let down...

If it were only that simple...

If I didn't need to believe then I wouldn't have to cry earth shattering tears that you despise so totally that you wont even look at me when I need comforting...

If that were only the whole truth...

If I dreamt of you believing in my lies then pinch me because I must still be dreaming...

How can you look at me and see only the fiction you create in your head of some other worldly monster that you grimace at the sight of...

My thoughts here clear in black and white are the thing you're most afraid to see because your afraid you'll agree...

Let me in and hold me in the way you never would before...

If I sing you the words in my head you wouldn't understand the jumbled mess of needs and cares because you have none...

Atleast none that I can see,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

Snow day and later to see Chronicals Of Narnia, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardorbe with Nana, Netogrof and Hobbit. Talk to you later.

Freedom is only sweet till you realize what your missing on the inside,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

The movie was awesome!! They stayed very, very close to the book and I like that. Afterwards I went to GameStop with Netogrof and Hobbit... We were in there for an hour before Hobbit made up her mind on what she was getting. Then we walked around, wait ready for it........ Wal-Mart... Big shocker there...

Went back to Netogrofs and watched the Third Inuyasha Movie...

Today we are going to hang out with Hobbit at her house later and in like ten minutes Netogorof and I are walking to Bobs to see if he's feeling better.

More whenever, leaving with this from Hawthorne Hieghts,

~I'm outside of your window, with my radio, you are the only station, you play the song I know, you are the song I know.~,

*~indecentexposure~*

Monday

Relient K is the only way...

~You might think I am losing my mind, but I will shy away from the specifics, 'cause I don't want you to know, where I am, 'cause then you'll see my heart, in the saddess state its ever been, this is no place, to try and live my life, suffacte, that's exactly where I lost it, see that line, well I never should have crossed it, stop right there, well I never should have said that, it's the very moment that I wish that I could take back, I'm sorry for, the person I became, I'm sorry that, it took so long for me to change, I'm ready to try never to go that way again, 'cause who I am hates who I've been, who I am hates who I've been~

I hate who I am and I know you do too. I'm sorry,

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday

A miracle happened today.

When you were lieing there going in and out and you needed someone I was the only one there. Not your girlfriend, not any of the guys or any of the people who you so called your best friends. Me. Only me.

You scared me so bad. You were so white. So pale. You looked dead. Your eyes were huge and black. All the color was gone. And when you saw me you smiled and thanked me. And I told you it was okay and to rest.

When you needed to lean on someone when you stood up I was there. When you needed help getting what you needed I was there.

You finally looked and saw today. I was so tired and worried to notice the change till now. I keep seeing the image of you lieing there over and over in my mind. Its killing me and you know it. Thank you for the hug... it meant so much.

Things are changing and I'm scared but I've waited so long I'm ready for it.

Look at me that way again and tell me what you feel inside,

*~indecentexposure~*

Wednesday

When I saw you this morning you waved and smiled. You looked so much better. I don't think your girlfriend liked what she saw. She was all over you when it was time to go and I just laughed. I love seeing her squirm. Jelious yet?

When I was sitting there curled up because I was almost crying, you sat down next to me and tried to cheer me up. You smell so good and your shoulder was so strong, I didn't want to move.

Could you hold me like that and tell me you love me someday?

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

Thank you, Thank You,ThAnK yOu, THANK YOU! There is a God in Heaven...

She's history.

Now all you have to do is make a move.

Please make a move.

Nervous beyond belief and hoping for the chance to be yours,

*~indecentexposure~*

Sunday

Christmas is the most depressing holiday besides Valentines day. When you have no one to celibrate with it loses all its fun. When you've got nothing to give and nothing to expect in return it seems like another bad day.

When the only thing you want is the thing you can't have it really kills all the holiday cheer inside.

More later... I will be writing because there will be nothing eles to do.

Who ever made things cost money should have been shot,

*~indecentexposure~*

Later Sunday

*Exact transcript of everything said and done at approximately 5 p.m. Christmas day*

Mom- Sky! You've got a visitor!

*mumbling that it better not be that annoying wench next door* Me- I'm coming!

Me- *shocked into silence for a moment* Hey, what's up?

rebelwithoutacause- Not much, Merry Christmas.

Me- Merry Christmas to you too. Um... *looks around* come in and stay a while

rebelwithoutacause- Thanks. Can I talk to you in private?

*Racing Heart Skipps A Beat* Me- sure... this way...

*leads upstairs to super destroyed bedroom and winces forgetting about the mess yet to have been picked up from when Kinsora and Dance2Live4Ever were over*

Me- sorry for the mess... The girls were over yesterday and I haven't had a chance to clean up.

rebelwithoutacause- it's okay. How long have we known each other Sky?

Me- Since like 2nd grade.

rebelwithoutacause- have you always been there the way you've been here for me in the last couple of days?

Me- friendship wise? Yea... I've been there when you needed me. You know that. I'm always there for you guys. Thats what friends are for.

rebelwithoutacause- Oh... well... maybe I was wrong...

Me- Wrong? About what?

rebelwithoutacause- I thought you... I thought that...

Me- I do *heart racing waiting for his reply*

*looks shocked* rebelwithoutacause- really? Are you sure? I mean...

*risks it and throws caution to the wind* Me- I'm this sure... *leans in for kiss*

*lips touch slowly as I gaze up into his eyes and realize he feels it too.*

rebelwithoutacause- do you wanna...

Me- more than you could ever know

rebelwithoutacause- I guess I should give you this then...

*hands me a small package... I tare it open only to find the most beautiful necklace I've ever seen*

Me- *awe struck* Whats this for?

rebelwithoutacause- What kind of boyfriend would I be with out having a Christmas present for my girlfriend? Plus, I thought it might match your dress for Prom.

Me- *with tears of joy in my eyes* Thank you so much. I don't have anything to give you in return though, hun.

rebelwithoutacause- just give me another kiss and tell me when to be here to help you move.

Me- I can do that *smiles and leans in for the kiss*

rebelwithoutacause- I... Love... you

Me- *Eyes wide* Huh?

rebelwithoutacause- nothing... forget it... * his face reddening*

Me- I love you too. All my life I have.

rebelwithoutacause- really?

Me- yes

*End of transcipt*

Christmas does have miracles,

*~indecentexposure~*

Monday

I have a boyfriend.

I have a boyfriend.

He's my boyfriend.

Sorry, just letting it all sink in. He stayed yesterday till about 9. He's coming back over on Wednesday to help me pack and then again on thursday to help us move.

All this time and finally you've seen me. And you love me. You love me.

He loves me.

How did I ever get so lucky?

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday

Netogrof is coming over today and we are going down to Barnes and Nobels.

Then packing some...

How I ever accumalated this much crap when we move all the time is beyond me.

I got board and drew some today... I kinda like how they turned out even though it will never equal that of Netogrof's or Hobbit's. But I am getting better slowly.

Netogrof is gonna leave a message with him for me to tell him where we're going to be today if he want's to come along... We're thinking about heading down to the Soul Full Cup and hanging around there later and maybe catching up with Kinsora. It's all up in the air.

It's kind of funny how the only person that knows right now is Neto. I haven't even told Dance2Live4Ever yet... And that's big... she knows everything before anyone eles does.

~I set out on a narrow way, many years ago, hoping I would find true love, along the broken road, but I got lost a time or too, wiped my brow and kept pushing threw, I couldn't see how every sign, pointed straight to you, and every love gone astray, lead me to where you are, others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars, pointing me on my way, into your loving arms, this much I know is true, that god blessed the broken road, that lead me straight to you~

All sentamental listening to Rascal Flatts... God I'm listening to country...

But it's what I feel... So I guess its okay...

We both followed that broken road to each other,

How lucky are we?

*~indecentexposure~*

Wednesday

Hahaha that was so much fun...

So we all went to Soul Full Cup and sat in the back room and goofed around for like ever. Kinsora, Jeff and Forever_Elphia were so shocked that me and you are going out... It made me smile.

Of course Jeff doesn't even know who you are but he's just that way... lol...

After every sentence we were saying "Eh?"

The Canadians are taking over!!!!!!!!!!

lol...

That's okay... I've had a British accent for the last couple of days and keep saying "bloody"... I can't help it! All my grandparents watch is friggen BBC AND I've seen two Brit movies and an anime with all Brit actors... AND I just got done rereading the 5th Harry Potter book...

Bloody hell thats a lot of brits....

Damn! *smacks Head*

Netogrof took this quiz on Livejournal...

It told her she was the Cruel and Heartless dictator of Canada...

lol...

It told me I was the Kind and Benevolant dictator of Minnisota...

oh... *whinny voice* I wanna be the cruel and heartless dictator of Canada...

lol...

Well more later... tomorrows moving day... bluck :X

Bow before me Canada,

*~indecentexposure~*

Later Wednesday

God I love you guys!

Well Netogrof and Hobbit showed up and pulled us from our packing and we went to the mall because they heard tell that there was a DDR machine in the game place. O.o

In deed my dear, there is a new DDR machine at the mall... Score!!!!!!

We had to alternate with these guys that were there... They kicked so much ass and made us look like beginners and made me feel like all the advancements I have made were mear baby steps. The one guy was hitting on Netogrof bad... it was funny... he was all showing off and making an ass out of himself... Had to admit though he was good... Now you on the other hand my love sucked ass... but thats okay... I did too.

Then we went to Barnes and Nobels... I got the next to books in the Fruits Basket Manga series... I ::heart:: Kyo-Kun... Oh and Yuki-Kun is so precious too...

*Marvels in their hottness...*

Huh? What? Sorry... I'm obessed with that Manga now...

We sat in Starbucks and surfed on Netogrof's laptop and laughed our heads off... It's so nice to see your smile... it's perfect...

Moving day tomorrow... *lip curl in gruelsome expression*

I hate moving...

But you'll be there so it wont be as bad...

To see your smile was just as potent as your heart only made me more yours,

*~indecentexposure~*

Thursday

I hate moving. I hAtE mOvInG. I HATE MOVING!!!!!

Sorry my precious computer but I must pack you up now and I promise to take you out as soon as I can.

With my deepest regrets,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

My Uncle and his girl friend are in town! Oh... I missed them so much! I haven't seen them in ages. Well really its been a couple of months but still it feels like forever...

We're going out to eat later... Then I should give you a call and see how your day went... I hope you didn't try to kill yourself on that damn snowmobile...

Off with Straylight Run...

~Sing when you think no ones listening~,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

It's New Years Eve!!!! Party at Dance2Live4Ever's house...lol...

Babe is gonna meet us up there later... Dance2Live4Ever and me are going to the mall to spend her gift certificate and play some DDR...lol... Oh yea... FYI... DDR stands for DanceDanceRevolution... one word...

Gorgeous Patrick and Pete are gonna be on tonight on MTV for the New Years Bash thinger...

*Smiles of into space*

I love those guys... I feel like I know them but I really dont... is that bad?

Off once again with Straylight Run...

~I wont be, around here, for too very long~,

*~indecentexposure~*

Later Saturday

5 minutes left of 2005!!!!!!!
This past year has been so different and so much has happened... I went to my very first concert... then to a second one... I was excepted into a college course... I moved twice... one of my friends died... Three friends went into the military... I was almost kicked out of the only school that ever meant anything to me... And I got you.

You were just the icing on the cake for a pretty much good year... I'm so happy that I have you to celebrate the New Year with...

10

Move a little closer...

9

Everybody is standing...

8

Give a little smile...

7

Clap a little harder...

6

Almost over...

5

The balls almost gone...

4

Realize that this is how next year will be spent...

3

Look into your eyes...

2

Parting lips in anticipation...

1

The kiss clashing through the cheering room...

Happy New Year!

*~indecentexposure~*

Sunday

So it's about 3 hours into the new year and I'm so tired... the caffeine has worn off...

Your arms are so comforting that I think I'll just fall asleep to the beating of your heart...

In your arms and to the beating of your heart,

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday

The Winterball date was released today... Sexy is gonna pick up our tickets on Friday... I'm really exicted!

Everyone was so surprised today that you and me are going out... I was a little nervous but I got over it fast when your lips were parted against mine. A couple of people said it was about time. I agreed..lol. We didn't have any classes with each other today so I just found you in the halls between classes... lol.

In math I got some looks from some of the seniors but I don't care.

We're hot news Sexy...

I got into a fight in chorus today... stupid skanky bitch was pissed because we are going out...

~with every breath I wish your body would be broken again~

Trusty Pete with a perfect line...

OMG, I almost forgot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Black Clouds And Underdogs Tour starts in March!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're going in April for my birhtday!!! I'm so excited!!! Fall Out Boy, All-American Rejects, Hawthorne Hieghts! 0.0 And so many more!!!!!!!! WooT!

Moshing out with my boys,

*~indecentexposure~*

Wednesday

Hehehehehe... we're bad...

We turned the dark room into a make out room. ^_*

~I know that you would be there either way, so that it seems like these times will never fade~

I think Pete meant those words differently but I'm gonna use them this way because I'm allowed artist liberties...lol

Whisper sweet nothings in my ear again because they sound so good,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

I got my dress back today. I love it so much... I have to have it altered alittle bit so my aunts gonna fix it for me.

1 week till the dance... I can't wait to sway around the floor in your arms...

~And they go dancing, around and around, without any cares, and her very first true love, was holding her close~

Rascal Flatts is so romantic most of the time...

Swirling around with no care in the world but you,

*~indecentexposure~*

Sunday

~Note to self, I miss you terribly~

Lost in From First To Last...

Sorry, I'm really depressed today...

I'm all alone sitting in my room wallowing in the crap that is my life.

Nobodies called, nobodies visited, nobodies been home, nobody but me.

I kind of feel abandonded today... And I'm lost inside my labrenth of a mind.

I haven't been myself lately, I've been trying to be someone eles for you... I've been trying so hard to be happy when I'm around you, to be strong, but I can't pretend anymore. I've been thinking about the past a lot lately and all the bad memories are haunting me at night. There are so many things about my past that you don't know about and that I'm afraid to tell you. I don't think you would understand what those memories did to me. All you've ever seen is the strong exterior. But on the inside, its broken and lost.

The past hasn't been good to me. Between my mom and everyone she ever brought into my life everythings been so screwed up.

Would you understand?

Can you understand?

If I told you that when I was 8 I was afraid to fall asleep at night because I was afriad that the person in the other room would come and violate me, would you understand?

If I told you that when I was 10 I single handedly raised my younger brother everyday for 3 years because there was never anyone eles around, would you understand?

If I told you that when I was 12 and alone at a new school that I was picked on so bad that I almost jumped off the bridge by my house, would you understand?

If I told you that when I was 13 I walked in on one of my best friends trying to kill herself and saved her life but it screwed my up worse, would you understand?

If I told you that everything from the age of 8 to the age of 14 was a living terror for me and that I had no one to help me, would you understand?

Could you understand?

*~indecentexposure~*

Monday

~Am I more than you bargined for yet? Oh, I've been dieing to tell you~

Would I be too much even for you my dearest Pete?

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday

~I can be surrounded by a sea of people and still feel all alone. But then I think of you.~

Favorite Chad movie right there ( A Cinderella Story).

When I believe in you nothing ever seems to go wrong.

Am I going to trust you?

The answers still stuck in my heart,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

After the winterball when we're back at my empty house I'll tell you everything because I know you understand...

I hope you understand,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

I'm so nervous. This is my first school dance and I have you. I always thought I would be the third wheel but I'm not.

Thank you,

*~indecentexposure~*

Later Saturday

Quick entry from the girls bathroom.

I love you so much!

I'm having such an awesome time and laughing so much. Our dance girls was AWESOME!!! and like everybody was watching and we were like "Oh yea, we're cool".

~I'll be your number one with a bullet~

It's still nice to see that there are so many people in our school that don't know about you Pete. Makes us minority feel special.

It's nice having you to slow dance with when I never have before.

You are the first,

*~indecentexposure~*

Even Later Saturday

Why was I ever worried?

You understand. He understands. Tú comprendé.

Sing me a lullabye while I cry in your arms,

*~indecentexposure~*

Sunday

Its like a weight of my chest.

Thank you.

I am a little worried though because moms in the hospital again... something about her kidneys.

But in the mean time... *wicked smile* I'm home alone...

PaRtY tImE! lol

No school on monday so we could pull it off... god bless you Martin Luther King Jr.

Dialing up the neighboor hood,

*~indecentexposure~*

Monday

Owwwwwwwww..........

My legs hurt so much...

Neto brought her b-day present from me and Hobbit over...

We had a DDR compition with 18 people...

It was interesting...

I kicked serious ass!!!!

I got a double A on our salsa song! WooT! lol...

You were so funny... I'm sorry but it is the truth...

I'm staying at Neto's house tonight because mom's still in the hospital...

More Later...

Watch me salsa my way to victory baby,

*~indecentexposure~*

Thursday

Oh God...

Why? *hiccups*

You are now the diary of a teen left behind to take care of whats left of what you left behind.

Moms gone.

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

Blood clot.

Brain.

No oxygen.

Not good.

Alone.

Really alone now.

why did you go?

Funerals monday.

*hiccups*

Right in time for regents'.

Great,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

Your mom told me today that if I needed to I could live with you.

She said she would be my support.

I love your mom.

I told the lawyer and my grandparents I wanted to live with you.

He said it was up to my grandparents.

They said if it was what I wanted then it was okay.

I'm living with you.

Hold me in your arms while I sleep so I'm not alone,

*~indecentexposure~*

Monday

Half the school was there for me.

Thank you for your kindness.

People who I thought never liked me, comforted me.

Asshole told me to be back in school tomorrow.

I told him to kiss my ass because I'm back in district now and he can't kick me out for missing a day of school.

He wasn't happy when he found out your mom said I could live there.

Too bad.

Your mom is the best.

She is letting me sleep in your room with you. Under different covers of course. But it doesn't matter because I'm with you. And I'm not like that.

Your house is so nice. It's so much nicer than I am used to.

Tomorrow is the English Regents Part 1... ::ugh::

Wednesday is English Part 2... :: double ugh ::

Thursday is American History Regents ... :: mondo ugh ::

Friday is just you and me... :: happy bubble ::

After today I'm not gonna talk about this anymore. I have to move on or I'll be stuck in the past.

Please forgive me,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

Tests are over!!!!!!!

Yes!

I have the whole weekend to spend with you... and the girls at the mall... Playing DDR. LOL.

Your starting to get better at it. Watching you makes me smile.

When I look at you, everything gets warm inside and I know your the only one. Sometimes I wonder what you see in me. Then I see your smile and I know.

Am I getting gushy? Sorry. This isn't like me.

But I can't help it.

Next Tuesday is going to be weird being back at school.

I have you to lean on when it gets to rough,

*~indecentexposure~*

Monday

This is it. The game of the year. C-S against B. The merging schools in one last battle of Basketball greatness. lol. We're gonna win because we have to. We just have to. Our reputations on the line with this game, we lose we look stupid for losing to a non-legue team, humiluating us at state. We win, we prove that we are the best team in state and a major contendor for state title.This is our year to prove ourselves and make a lasting name for C-S history.

Long live the Panthers!

*~indecentexposure~*

Later Monday

Yes!!!!

We won on three fronts... JV Guys (53-30), Varsity guys(59-29) and Varsity Girls(50-20)!!!

And they were going easy on them.

Me and you sat in our home section with the guys and laughed our butts off at their chanting... so funny... and it wasn't at the other team either... they were picking on our guys...lol

~Future classmates, future classmates~

lol... or this one...

~We're all friends with the towel heads on the bench, the towel heads on the bench~

Some of the guys had their towels over the heads...lol... Oh and like half our team lives on Clawson Drive so the guys were chanting...

~We're all friends with the kids from Clawson Drive, except Neil, the kids from Clawson drive, except Neil~

:)

They were picking on Newman when he made a dunk... they were like...

~We've seen better, we've seen better~

Those guys are awesome...

On to Counties!!!!!

Lets go Panthers!

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday morning,

I had a really bad dream last night and scared the crap out of you because I was crying... Here it goes...

I dreamed it was the first day of school after we merged and I went to the high school building with you. But when we got there, it was a totally different building, it was huge, all white and instatutional looking. We went in and like the entrence hall was really tall and there were pictures of past graduating classes from both schools on the wall... in the middle of the hall was like this obsticale course that we had to go threw to get in and like all the rooms were different and everything was so weird and I was so mad because it had changed. (sorry for the run on sentences). Then we got into the Auditorium and it was so huge and like they told us were to sit and I had to sit with all these kids I didn't know and they all knew each other.Then they told us that our classes were going to be done in alpabetacle order so that meant I would have no one I knew with me. I was so angry and frustrated and scared that I started crying and everyone laughed at me. Then you woke me up.

I know what it all means and stuff but like, it's still bad. Their taking my school away from me. The only school I've ever loved. It's like their taking my identity.

But in your arms all my worries seem to melt away,

*~indecentexposure~*

Thursday

Six more weeks of winter. Yippee!... not.

Man if I was him I'd go back in my hole and away from all the flashing lights and loud noises.

I don't even know why we count on him anymore to tell us whats going on with the weather when he's surrounded by people who probably scare the living hell out of him and makes him want to retreat into his hole. We're so supersticious...

~we're never wrong, we're never wrong~

Oh but we are my dears The Early November. Something is always wrong, nothing is always right. And it is just the way things are with us humans. Why should we do something that is right when what is wrong is so much easier? We are creatures of shortcuts and absent morals. Everything is for our own personal gain and not to help others.

Is that always true?

Is the universe that inhumain?

Can you show me the truth,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

So its been a while... tomorrow is our Symposium for upstate. I'm so stressed out right now... I had to totally redo my poster because one of the girls threw away my copy of my powerpoint for my poster. AH! You don't have yours done either so I guess we're good. lol.

I got some really bad news last week...

See I've been having a lot of GI problems and I went to see a specialist...

Then he droped a bomb...

He said he wants to do three tests to see if I have an ulcer, a tumor or cancer.

Cancer...

Oh god...

I'm really scared...

Evrything eles seems meaningless right now... I can't concentrate on anything. Until I have those tests and find out whats going on I'm going to be the wreck I am right now.

And my fav. teachers sister is getting worse... He told me the doctors say she hasn't got that much longer left... I feel so terrible... We tried to cheer him up the best we could but it didn't really work...

I hate this... I'm so helpless... I can't lean on you forever... no matter what you say...

Even though you are so comforting,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

Lets go Panters!

Finals game is on Wednesday...

Two time champs is our badge, Win is the only way is our motto,

*~indecentexposure~*

Monday

Tomorrow is Valentines Day.

I don't know what to get you.

I'm screwed.

One day is all thats left.

Shit.

I'm nervous to see what you give me too.

I hope its not extravagent because you've done so much for me already.

Praying to find the right gift,

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday

I love you...

You got me the best gift in the whole wide world... ^_^

Bet ya can't guess what it is...

Hehehe... I suck so bad because I totally freaked out when you gave it to me and it will sound so pathetic in here...

You got me the rest of the Fruits Basket series...

Did I menion I love you?

I think my gift went over just as well which is really good...

Of course mine was... um... dirty?

^_*

It wasn't that so get our head out of the gutter... it was just a little hand action...

*whistles and looks up at the sky inisantly*

I go to the doctors tomorrow after school to get tested for ashma... yipee...

Today was the best day ever.

You're getting harder to resist,

*~indecentexposure~*

Wednesday

Whoopie...

I have ashma...

Freaking great...

Scowling at the nasty taste,

*~indecentexposure~*

Later Wednesday

WE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SCL CHAMPS IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!

3 years in a row baby!

Dancing around in hyper circles,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Score!!!!!!!!!!!

Well it's really like a really bad wind day but hey still...

No school... *does dance*

Okay back to sleep.

Right back into your arms,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

Okay so today we went bowling with Neto, Hobbit and a couple other peeps and had a blast.

I sucked major ass because my fricken nails kept getting stuck in the fricken finger holes and I tried doing what the pros do and cradle the ball but it didn't work. Sorry for the major long sentence. lol.

I had loads of fun with you today and I am greatful for every minute I have with you.

I could spend forever stareing into your eyes,

*~indecentexposure~*

Wednesday

Somethings right atleast...

No cancer...

Possible corrosive ulser...

No biggie...

The rest of the week is ours Sexy...

Starting out with a smile on my face,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

Two months...

Wow...

I haven't realized its been that long...

I'm still loving that Christmas miricle.

I hope you are too.

Heres to so much more time,

*~indecentexposure~*

Sunday

My grandma's in the hospital...

Pneumonia

Shes okay but their gonna keep her in because her temperatures not staying steady.

We went to visit her today... She looks okay but I can hear her weazing.

I guess my Uncle and his girlfriend are coming in this weekend to help my other Uncle fix his and my Aunts house in Coneticutt... Did you follow that?

I also guess that my Aunt is coming in for the whole month to stay with my grandparents. Which is cool because I haven't seen her in forever.

You get to meet my family... aren't you just the lucky winner this month? lol... You'll be fine... the only one I'm worried about is my Grandpa... but I think you'll be okay with him...

Tomorrow is back to the old grind again...lol... But it's okay because I have classes with you... ^_^

Off with Pete,

~And you're the only place that feels like, home~,

*~indecentexposure~*

Wednesday

WE WON AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WooT! ^_^

Lets go Panthers... on to Class CCC Finals!!!!

I've missed the last three days of school... I'm really sick. My doctor thinks that i have bronchitis and that it might develope into pneumonia...

*Sighs*

I'm never healthy... That would be...like... a miracle?

We're gonna hang with Dance2Live4Ever and Alkalinebeauty16 this weekend... Visit with my relatives on Sunday... * bigger sigh*

I'm really tired so I'm gonna leave it at that for now,

Weezing silently when your back is turned so you don't freak,

*~indecentexposure~*

Thursday

~Without love we are like songbirds who cannot sing~ Jonathan Hull Losing Julia p.299

Without you I have no song to sing,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

~If life were cast to music, I fear we might all drown in our tears.~ Jonathan Hull Losing Julia p.200

Hear the world cry,

*~indecentexposure~*

Sunday

I'm just tired of thinking about school...

I'm still not healthy enough to go back...

I really really want to though,

Sitting home is driving me crazy.

My Aunt looks good

I've missed her so much...

Thats the sum of my life right now.

Interesting, right?

*~indecentexposure~*

Thursday

I feel terrible...

My favorite teachers sister died today...

Thats got to be the worst feeling in the world... losing someone you love so much so young... It made me cry for him. The funerals tomorrow from what I gather. I found this qoute in the book I've been reading that is perfect for this... just a sec...

~One person dies and the whole world looks sadder, hollowed out so that you hear echoes in places where there aren't supposed to be any. Each passing day and month and year is an accumulation of absences; of people, places and events that a loved one will never see or know about. When you have suffered a terrible loss you look at things and think: I wonder what he would have made of that? Wouldn't he have enjoyed this and oh God he would hated that and shit this reminds me of him. When people die it's as though the earth itself opens briefly and swallows them up.~ Jonathan Hull Losing Julia p. 259

I can't even rejoice at the fact that we won last night and brought ourselves one step closer to the final four. The saddness has drownd out all the happiness and joy. Maybe Saturday I will feel some joy in our Garenteed win to get into the final four for the first time ever.

If you ever died my heart would die with you,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

History in the making baby! Try and beat us and then when you find yourself flat on your backs be grateful you survived.

lol... just kidding... We kick so much monkey butt!!! ^_^

Feel the energy bounce around the stands,

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday

Poor Spazoid1989... her grandma died...

Dude this sucks...

My Favorite teacher came back to school today... I was glad to see him.

We have no school on Friday in honor of the guys because their games at like 5 and its like 8 hours away... I wanna go so bad... but the spectator bus is so expensive and we're trying to find a different way there...

*big sigh*

I made it threw today and that’s a miracle.

Thanks for your shoulder,

*~indecentexposure~*

Thursday

We sent the guys off with a school wide ceremony... it was a little stupid but hey... I got out of class...lol...

I had to have a C.A.T. Scan like a half hour after that... it sucked... I hate that dye...

My temp. hasn't gone below 99.4 in the past three days and I have a killer migraine right now...

Of course you made me lay down and if you found out I was up and on my computer you'd freak...

I love you... ^_^

We're going up there tomorrow to see the game in Glens Falls... We go against another local school which is really really weird... but it should be a good game.

Motion sensitive and adrenaline crazy,

*~indecenteposure~*

Friday

Wow...

I'm in shock...

We won...

We WoN...

We're going to Finals...

WooT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're staying here tonight and coming to the game tomorrow...

I'm afraid though because the team we're going against... Stillwater... They have only lost one game...

STATE FINALS HERE WE COME!

We Believe That We Can Win!

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

OMG...

This is so awesome...

So close...

I couldn't look at the score when the buzzer sounded... and when I did I started bawling and jumping up and down...

The guys were so happy... They we're kind of in shock...

It still hasn't set in yet...

Even three hours later...

We're going back to the school to decorate for the guys... We're having like a homecoming parade and the whole works...

I kissed you so hard we fell over but you didn't seem to care,

*~indecentexposure~*

Sunday

It still hasn't sunk in yet...

The guys were standing on top of the bus... while it was driving down Main Street...

There was a car train following the bus from on end of you school district to the other... that’s like 3 1/2 miles... It was huge... Like all of both towns were out in full force...

When the guys got off the bus in front of the high school... it was chaos... everyone was yelling and clapping...

When we all kinda settled down in the lobby, Mr. principle made a speech and said that the guys told him to say..."We're Champaign and their Stillwater" ahahaha... lol... sorry we thought it was good.

You and me baby were right in the middle with the guys having a blast.

I wouldn't trade that for anything,

*~indecentexposure~*

Thursday

Yep... Still hasn't sunk in yet...

I need to get a lettermen jacket... I'm sick of just looking at my letters... I wanna show them off...

Sorry... Track last year....

I had to have a meeting with my law guardian yesterday... He seems nice I guess... My biological dad wants custody... I'm really pissed off... I told my lawyer that under NO circumstances was I going to live in a stranger’s house. I don't even know the guy... I know I'm safe with you and that I don't want to leave the safety of your house. Plus... I would have to leave this school... Which isn't going to happen again... never again...

He can't take me away from you,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

Three months...

^_^

I just thought of something today...

Next month My birthday is the day before our anniversary...

That'll be a good weekend...

Looking for to many more months with you,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

Today was great...

You and I hung out with Dance2Live4Ever, Mr. Mattchew Macaroni Pickles and Kishkish in Corning...

We walked up and down Market Street and walked through the Glass Works... the whole time being as load as we possibly could and laughing our butts off... We came up with a new version of the Wizard Of Oz ... Its the ghetto version.... we talked about that for like three hours... all I had to say to make Mr. Mattchew Macaroni Pickles crack up was "You gone done killed that white bitch"... Ahahahaha...lol... sorry... that was what one of the munchkins was going to say to Dorothy after her trailer feel one the wicked witch... ^_^

We ran into some people though that didn't make my day for a little bit and got into an argument. It was nice to have all of you standing behind me backing me up. He's such an asshole. I'm defiantly telling my lawyer what he said. And I've got about 20 witnesses too...

Court is on Monday... You're mom said that you could come too... I really do love her... Track starts up next week... I get to watch you run around in circles and cheer you on from the press box...

Out with Panic! At The Disco,

~If you talk you better walk, you better back your shit up~,

*~indecentexposure~*

Monday

He was screwed the minute he walked into that court room... the judge... personal friend of mine... we were talking and laughing when he stomped into the courtroom half an hour late... opps...

My dear friend also seemed to like your mother a lot more then he liked butt hole... and then when my lawyer told him everything that had been going on... yea well... lets just say I'm a free women and get to live where ever I chose.

Dancing the victory dance,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

My Uncle and his girlfriend are coming up here to live! I'm so happy... I love those guys a lot...

There’s a lot of stuff going on with our Annexation right now... There having hizzy fits and being assholes... Complaining about the lack of money the district has right now and bla bla bla...

~Have some composure, where is your posture (I don't know), your pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger all wrong~

Trusty Panic!... I'm so glad Pete found you guys...

You people don't seem to understand that if you shoot down this thing your stupid little school isn't going to exist in three years... and then you'll have to come to our school anyway...

And you all should be grateful that we're changing our colors and mascot because we really don't have to because it’s not a merger... you are becoming a part of an already merged school... we're just like... absorbing you...

No matter what happens I'm always going to be a Panther. Point blank.

5 days till spring break... thank God...

Wishing the days would zoom by...

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!

Ah I do love you sweet, sweet freedom...

Planning the big birthday extravaganza right now and I'm liking it even better every second... I just hope it’s a lot of fun...

I have to get on the net and find out where I need to go to get an application for this college I wanna go to... I hope I get in... I think its really kind of funny how we both wanted to go to the same college without ever realizing that the other wanted to go to...

That sounds right, right?

Oh well...

If we both get in that would be awesome! Not to mention that the other college I'm applying to as my second choice was also your second choice...

That’s a little creepy...

But I still like it...

Off to finish planning,

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday

Stay calm... just stay calm Sky...

It's like one in the morning...

I can't breathe... I think it's a panic attack...

Everything just seems so infinitesimal... None of this means anything... I'm not going to leave an impact on this place... I'll just slowly fade away into the background...

Part of me is saying that everything is going to be okay... That I'm going to be successful and I'm going to make something of myself. That I'll never have to worry about my children growing up never knowing when the foods going to run out and how long till the next set of food stamps arrives. That I'll never have to worry about not being able to contact anyone if something goes wrong because I don't have a telephone. That part of me is saying that I'll rise above this crappy way of life and live in a circle of people who don't think about tossing out a hundred dollars for new shoes...

And yet the other half tells me over and over that I'll be stuck in this no name town forever only to become a fat and bitchy store clerk who has four kids at home to feed...

I can't be that person...

I just can't...

I don't want to live like I did when I was without you...

You've shown me that people can be kind... that people can be trusted... You've shown me that its okay to cry and okay to laugh and okay to believe... to believe that you can always, always rise above you're situation...

I never want to feel the way I did before I found you...

Please don't leave me alone,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

So nothing big is going on at all for us this weekend... No tickets to the concert... no way to get to the Anime con in Rochester...

Happy birthday to me...

I still can't believe Prom is only two weeks away...

How did it come up so fast...

Dreaming of slow dances and all the chances,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

Wow... I never saw this coming...

Right now its just me and you...

You surprised me and told me to get dressed up because we were going out to dinner. I was so happy that I didn't notice the bag next to the door...

We got in the car and I asked you where we were going... you only smiled and said "Somewhere nice."

To my surprise we did not stop in Corning... nor Elmira... You drove right through Owego... Then we finally reached Binghamton... and you told me that we were going to stay in here for the night. I was so shocked that you would even think of doing something so thoughtful and loving that I was in like a comma for the first half an hour at dinner. I kept staring into your eyes and thinking, "How did I even survive with out you?"

When we went back to the hotel... it was so beautiful... you had the room filled with Roses and Fire Lilies... I melted instantly.

I won’t describe to you what happened next because I want that memory to be only for myself. I knew at dinner that I had been waiting for you... no one but you. And it was right.

Tomorrow I don’t know what we are going to do but I'll be happy because I'll be with you.

Falling asleep to the beating of your heart,

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday

Today the fan girl came out of me...

Today they released only the best movie EVER in the history of man kind...

Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children

^_^

Cloud is ssssssssoooooooooooooooooooo hot...

I did the whole fan girl high pitched giggle when I saw him...

You were picking on me... something about you know you’re a freak when you think animated characters a sexy...

But I can't help it...

The muscle definition... The big blue/green eyes... wind blown hair... he even has freckles!...his insecurity and shyness... he's so gorgeous...

I was watching the movie going "hello beautiful"... and mumbling "no don't shoot at him... stop trying to kill sexy... get away from him you hoe."

lol

I did the giggle also when I was playing Kingdom Hearts on the PS2... He was on the Hercules level... *giggle*

If you could see him you would say the same thing my dear diary...

I like your big sword ^_*,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

Today you told your mom that you were going off to ride your 4 wheeler... when in reality you just parked it in the woods and snuck into the shower with me...

^_^

I must say that I do love your body my dear...

Next week is prom...

This is going to be interesting...

I have to get my dress back from the cleaners...

And we have to get our tickets and stuff on Monday...

So much to do...

So little time...

I want to go up to the mall because FYE is selling out all their anime and I wanna see if they have any Miyazaki and Takahada movies that I haven't got yet... Got to complete my collection...

It’s all Neto's fault... all her fault...lol...

I have the whole weekend to spend in your arms,

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

Oh man its here. Right now I am sitting at the salon getting my hair done after helping decorate at the Hotel. I’m so nervous. This is it.

This is what I’ve always dreamed of.

And I’m sharing it with you.

Cinderella getting ready for the ball,

*~indecentexposure~*

Saturday

Shock… sheer shock right now.

Its 3 am and we’re lying next to each other in the middle of the racquet ball court…

I never saw that coming…

Bow before the Royalty you now serve.

*~indecentexposure~*

Friday

Two weeks later and the shock hasn’t set in yet nor has the random bowing of friends in the hall… *giggles* and we still address one another by their titles lol… We have a symposium next week… *gags* I really don’t think I’ll do this class again next year…

The end is looming forever closer… it’s rather scary actually… I will say goodbye to so many people this year… The seniors have been like family… Most of all though I’ll miss Neto… she’s been like my sister for so long now… I can’t imagine not being able to call on a Saturday and know that she’ll be there to chill with…

Its hard letting go of the things you care most about. Especially when it seems like losing those things could tare you in two…

Letting go of you would tare me in two,

*~indecentexposure~*

Wednesday

Why did I even bother to show up?

I knew they wouldn’t let me present… I knew it and yet I still had hope and now I wasted 4 hours of my life for nothing.

If they think I’m ever coming to class again they have less brains then I thought they did.

I don’t even care if I fail anymore. Screw them. I can’t help I was sick. I can’t change the fact that I had to be in the hospital. I can’t change the fact that I had other school work that was more important to make up. If they can’t accept the fact that that class is nothing more then a crap class then its their own fault. I don’t care anymore. I’ve wanted out this whole year and did he let me out. No. So blame it on him because I tried to get out and he wouldn’t let me even after I told him that that class was at the bottom of the totem pole as far as I’m concerned and I had better things to do with my time then to do class work for a class that didn’t offer anything to my credit points.

Screw them all,

*~indecentexposure~*

Tuesday

Baby I could listen to you sing for days and never get sick of it.

I love the way you space out when you’re singing and the way your face looks.

I wanted to jump up from my seat on stage and rape you right in front of everyone. *smirks*

All the girls around me we’re sighing and I was just smiling. Then when you had finished and walked back up on stage I couldn’t resist that gorgeous mouth… The guys sure liked that… and I could see in your eyes… This is the way you wanted to feel everyday, Every time you got on stage. I would have kidnapped everyone in the entire country just to have them sit and hear you sing and to see that look on your face.

I would do anything to see it everyday,

*~indecentexposure~*

* * * * * * * * * *

Friday

No this can’t be… oh dear God please don’t let it be…

When I woke up just now in the background was the Fall Out Boy CD I had popped in last night before falling asleep. I could hear her yelling at the dogs…

Is this a cruel dream?

This is reality? Oh no… please… why? No one could be so cruel.

My alarm just went off. The calendar reads October. I’m surrounded by posters of Rock bands and the suppressing emptiness. You’re not here. We’re are you? What’s going on?

It couldn’t have been all a dream.

It was a dream… one that will haunt me with what could have been.

I guess I should go… school starts soon…

I don’t think I’ll write anymore because all I’d be able to write about is you. And I can’t bare it.

I can’t bare it.