ok, here goes nothing. i sometimes wish this could just stop. my bloody mind could shut up. i could be left in peace, but here i am still struggling through. ok i admit i have thought about killing myself still a lot recently, but i've not really acted upon the thoughts as drastically as i have done in the past. i don't want to go out the house. i dont want to visit people outside my house, even family. i'm still all over the place with food etc, but i don't know whether i'm strong enough to completely let it go despite how far i have come in the last 2 years. i've been dropped by my psychiatrist so that i can be referred as an emergency to another load of psychiatrists that can see me more often and i've had a lot more check ups at the doctors etc. things are still pretty hectic. 2 weeks break now, but i'm working in a psychiatric day unit and so i don't know whether this is really going to hit home. i could be thrown right off my recovery path, but i think that i'm really going to try to prove them wrong and show them their concerns were for nothing and i really can do this, not only for me but for all of those people i can help if i can really work myself out and find out who i am. i really need to find myself and decide where i stand in life.x~Angel~Of~Misery~x
im in a bit of a better place but am not sure i can make the change to be completely betterthou shall not cutthou shall not purgethou shall not overdosethou shall not eatmy 4 main rules. i want to lose weight. God how do I cope?I don't knowx~Angel~Of~Misery~x
i had enough and started to overdose on paracetamol... got rushed to the doctors by MS and parents were called in for talks.. i feel so stupid, i'm in such a dark place right now.. there's almost nothing stopping me doing it again. i cant cope. im going to be transferred for family therapy andthe ink flows on the paperthe tears fall down my faceas i write to you my last wordsand give you my final embracei spill my contents out,my heart is torn in twoi could only share my secretswith someone just like youi see the happiness in your eyesthe beam spread across your faceas i write to you my last wordsand give you my final embracei wish that this would just endbe able to stop this pain tonighti wish i could change everythingand just make something rightas i prepare myself for fatei keep a smile on my faceas i write to you my last wordsand give you my final embracei turn away from you to leavei say i'm going to go to bedyet you come up and hour laterand find me in my room, dead.You see the truth so clearly nowyou see my tear-stained faceyou understand my last wordsbut cannot give me a final embrace.im in a very bad place right now. i just wrote that poem and cannot be bothered to put it on the poem page right now.. thats how my life runs right nowx~Angel~Of~Misery~x
