Welcome one and all.
My name is Citizen X. You are now at the pages of the Central Headquarters of the Excellent, Exceptional Special Empire or C.H.E.E.S.E for short. I am the leader and I grant you the freedom of my domain.
A big wave to all those monitoring staff who like to watch us! If you are a government agent, why not come over to our side and recieve your free complimentary "I am now a double agent" sweatshirt (one size)? It's sure to make your colleagues at the Agencies smile!
Please help me make the world a better place by putting me in charge of it.
I promise only good things to those that follow me and not so nice things to our enemies!
It came to me in a dream. The way to actually conquer the entire world, using today's technology and be unstoppable. At least until the time the world government's try to stop me, by which time it will be too late.
As you are neither my enemy, nor are you tied to a chair I cannot divulge the method as yet.
However, not all megalomaniac geniuses are rich, so I am asking for donations to help me in this plan. It would take far too long on my present income.
Those who donate the most, will become (after me) the most powerful people in all the world. (insert evil laugh).
Yes, I know, I know. When did world domination become so commercial? In the old days you couldn't buy a t-shirt that said "I'm a S.P.E.C.T.R.E Respecter!" or "I've got that T.H.R.U.S.H itch!
Yeah, I feel like a sell out too, but those guys were billionaires. I'm starting at the ground floor and if you join me now, you could be ruling your own continent soon!
In order to get that far tho, the organisation needs funds. In order to do that I am selling a line of t-shirts, wristbands and other fashionable goods to further my evil ends.
here is my paypal link. (well, in a bit).
Soon, I will also be auctioning off territories for you to be in charge of. Starting with Continents and Sub-Continents and moving down the ladder down to small communities and suburbs. Once you have ruled for ten years free and fair elections will be held where the people elect the ruler I say should rule them. In much the same way as the modern system of democracy.
If you are interested in funding the cause in anyway, send a mail to fundingthecause@hotmail.co.uk!
Coming soon. Special rates for government agents!
There will undoubtedly be people will object to our rule. In Operation 'Soylent Green'. These objector's will be rounded up. Have no fear, my consciencious brothers and sisters! They will be returned to the community, with no added flavourings or colouring.
I have made a short list of people who are automatically our enemies. This list should be circulated among our supporters. Until we take over, we must restrict ourselves to giving them the 'Hard Stare'.
Undesirables
Anyone I don't like (I may as well be honest about it)
Politicians who say the phrase "The reality is..."
Politicians who don't say the phrase "The reality is..."
Mime Artists
Anyone involved in the making, editing and promotion of "Big Brother"
People who use the words 'So-called' as this is a verbal sneer and we don't like sneerers.
People who use the word 'smut' or 'smutty' with a straight face.
Clowns (no one has found these funny since 1727)
People at parties who are so boring that they make you want to weep.
People who know I stole that line off Cyril Connelly.
The woman in my local bakery. (Damn her, damn her to hell I say!)
more will be added
Anyone can send me a person or persons to be added to the list of people to be rounded up under "Operation Soylent Green".
Rules
Don't bother with real names as I will not pay out money from the World Domination fund in lawsuits. If a person is an ex for example, don't send "Marylou is a poo-poo because.." Say my ex-gf/bf is a poo because.."
I am not going to be politically correct here so I will post things about left wingers, right wingers, racial and religious groups, men, women and nationalities. I am an all inclusive Tyrant. The only thing is that it must be funny. So no "I hate all Jews because they smell..." or "Arabs look like donkeys", because it just isn't entertaining.
I will edit for clarity.
No discussion of editorial policy. No complaining if I don't use your suggestion. I don't care if you are offended.
See: not many rules.
post your undesirables to ourenemyis@hotmail.co.uk and I will put him/she/it/them up when I edit the page.