I haven't put anything on my site like this until now because I wanted it to be more for the support of the person struggling but as I have been struggling myself I realize how useful it is for the people around you to be educated on how to help.
Watching someone go through the pain of an eating disorder is almost as bad as going through it yourself. You don’t understand, you feel helpless and sometimes just want to shake them. Hopefully this will bring some light on how to help your loved one through this difficult time.
What NOT to do
DO NOT comment on any weight gain! Even if you feel like its a compliment just don't go there. By saying "you look so much healthier" your friend hears "you look fat." My advice, don't focus on looks, or try saying how pretty their eye shadow or hair looks not any thing directed towards weight.
Forcing an anorexic to eat is going to make them turn again food more. Try to make it as much their choice as possible. Let them pick where to eat and when, with who. Forcing a bulimic to eat is just going to make them act out more on their disorder by purging. Try to do something fun after meals to help distract them.
Don't focus on how boney or sick your friend looks. She may take this as motivation or feel uncomfortable you are looking. Again, just stay away from the weight topic. Especially telling them they look fat, because if you do I will hunt you down and hurt you! Well, not really.. haha... just don't do it!
Don't make their eating disorder the only thing you talk to them about. I do not like to feel like people see me as the "anorexic girl" and I lose my identity as a real person when this happens.
When eating with your friend do not talk about the food you are eating. Even if it is about how good it is. You need to take the focus off of food and onto real life. I have had people make comments about how something looks grose and I won't eat it because I have found my excuse not to.
I know its hard but try not to get frustrated and yell. This just makes the whole situation worse because they are not meaning to hurt you. Try to expalin whats going on with you when you are not angry.
What TO do
Listen to your friend. A lot of what he or she is saying may not make sense but sometimes you just feel better when you get it off your chest.
Let them know that you are there to support them in any way possible. This can go a long way for someone trying to recover. Feeling alone is a very hopeless feeling that can make it harder to let go of something that comforts you.
My best friend and I like to get each other laughing and having fun after a meal to prevent purging. Sometimes we have even gotten into the car and just drove around because the other could not be near a restroom. Don't shove your friend in the car or tie them down but suggest things you can do after you eat before or while you are eating.
Make sure that your friend knows you are there for them and are not going to judge them. Offer dates out to a coffee shop just to chat about stuff.
Study, Study! Try to learn as much as you can about EDs so you can spot any of the red flags.
Make sure a parent is notified if they are still living with them so help can be made available to them
Try to get them into some sort of treament. ie, with a therapist or inpatient facility.
Ask them to see a doctor because eating disorders effect your health quickly and that needs to be monitored.
