I have had many e-mails with concerns of coping with the holidays. I decided to compile some useful info for this time of year that can be so stressful and over whelming.
ANAD Suggests some eating strategies for the holidays;
When you are recovering from an eating disorder, its an understatement to say that the holiday season can be a challenge. The season officially starts on Thanksgiving day and last til New Years Day. What can you do if every event youve been invited to has the potential of having more "fear" foods than you have eaten in a year? Here are some suggestions to make it through.
1. Call ahead and find out from the hostess what the menu is. Appetizers, dinners or deserts? Depending on the answer you can offer to bring something "safe" so you have choices or eat a light snack/meal before hand so you feel more in control.
2. Work with your dietician to plan and strategize upcoming events. Planning ahead will give you the confidence to enjoy the evening or party.
3. Bring a friend who has "normal" eating patterns and ask her to help. Follow her lead in plating your food. Remember when you have an eating disorder you often overestimate the calories and/or fat content and she can be your reality check.
4. Use the party or gathering to challange you and begin to venture into a new territory and expand your food choices.
5. Plan on having your dessert of the day at the party. There are usually plenty of choices and youll see others enjoying the foods you have eliminated from your life.
6. Be sure to balance your plate. Protein, carbs and fat. Dont eliminate any of these.
7. Watch for black and white thinking especially when you feel you have blown it. Talk it over with a friend, therapist or dietician before you try to fix it with over exercise, purging or restricting.
8. Try to follow your meal plan. That means do not skip eating breakfast, lunch or snacks because you will be attending an event that evening. Your body needs consistency and regularity of meal or you will be tempted to overeat or binge.
9. Take your time. Eat your food slowly if your prone to binging. Put your nife and fork down between bites.
10. Remind yourself you will not purge.. No matter how much you eat.
11. Have a pep-talk with yourself before you leave the party. Check your self talk and make sure it is positive, encouraging and realistic. Remember getting together with good friends and celebrating is the purpose and not the food.
Twelve ideas to help people with eating disorders negotiate with the holidays. By; National Eating Disorders Association
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How can someone with an eating disorder healthfully navigate through the busy holiday season? Here are twelve suggestions that may help.
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1. Eat regularly and in some kind of reasonable pattern. Avoid "preparing for the last supper." Dont skip meals and starve in attempt to make up for what you recently ate or are about to eat. Keep a regular and moderate pattern. 2. Worry more about the size of your heart than the size of your hips! It is the holiday season, a great time to reflect, enjoy relationships with loved ones, and most importantly a time to feel gratitude for blessings received and a time to give back through loving service to others. 3. Discuss your anticipations of the holidays with your therapist, physician, dietitian, or other members of your treatment team so that they can help you predict, prepare for, and get through any uncomfortable family interactions without self destructive coping attempts. 4. Have a well thought out game plan before you go home or invite others into your home. Know "where the exits are," where your support persons are, and how youll know when its time to make a brief exit and get connected with needed support. 5. Talk with loved ones about important issues: decisions, victories, challenges, fears, concerns, dreams, goals, special moments, spirituality, relationships and your feelings about them. Allow important themes to be present and allow yourself to have fun rather than rigidly focusing on food or body concerns. 6. Choose, ahead of time, someone to call if you are struggling with addictive behaviors, or with negative thoughts, or difficult emotions. Call them ahead of time and let them know of your concerns, needs, and the possibility of them receiving a call from you. 7. If it would be a support or help to you, consider choosing one loved one to be your "reality check" with food, to either help plate up food for you, or to give you a reality check on the food portions which you dish up for yourself. 8. Write down your vision of where you would like your mind and heart to be during this holiday time with loved ones. Take time, several times per day, to find a quiet place to become in tune again with your vision, to remember, to nurture, and to center yourself into those thoughts, feelings, and actions which are congruent with your vision for yourself. 9. If you have personal goals for your time with loved ones during the holidays, focus the goals around what you would like to do. Make your goals about "doing something" rather than about trying to prevent something. If you have food goals, then make sure you also add personal emotional, spiritual, and relationship goals as well. 10. Work on being flexible in your thoughts. Learn to be flexible in guidelines for yourself, and in expectations of yourself and others. Strive to be flexible in what you can eat during the holidays. Take a holiday from self imposed criticism, rigidity, and perfectionism. 11. Stay active in your support group, or begin activity if you are currently not involved. Many support groups can be helpful. 12-step group, co-dependency group, eating disorder therapy group, neighborhood "Bunco" game group, and religious or spiritually oriented groups are examples of groups which may give real support. Isolation and withdrawal from positive support is not the right answer for getting through trying times. 12. Avoid "over stressing" and "over booking" yourself and avoid the temptation and pattern of becoming "too busy." A lower sense of stress can decrease a felt need to go to eating disorder behaviors or other unhelpful coping strategies. Cut down on unnecessary events and obligations and leave time for relaxation, contemplation, reflection, spiritual renewal, simple service, and enjoying the small yet most important things in life. This will help you experience and enjoy a sense of gratitude and peace. |
Surviving the Holidays from Mirror-Mirror
For many people the holidays are a time of joy and celebration. It is a time to gather with family and friends, get caught up on each others lives, share a few laughs, and many look forward to sitting down and enjoying the traditional holiday feast. For people with eating disorders, the holidays are not quite so enjoyable. In fact, they can be the ultimate nightmare. For many, the holidays bring tremendous stress, anxiety, and fear. I would usually begin preparing for the up and coming holidays a few weeks in advance. I always felt that if I lost a few pounds before the holidays, then I would be able to allow myself to eat like everyone else. Of course, that never happened. I had never been able to truly enjoy any holidays because of the fear I had of all the food that was present. Whether it was Christmas, Easter or any other holiday, I could never relax and enjoy the day because I knew the moment would arrive when I would have to sit down at the table and face all that food. Usually with my in-laws I could get away with not eating very much. I especially liked having people over to my house, because I could keep busy in the kitchen and spend less time at the table. When I was with my own family, I would sit and eat with everyone else, but the meal was never enjoyed because my head was always too busy adding up all the calories in my head and the fear of getting fat would grow stronger with each bite of food. I always looked forward to the moment I could leave, so that I could rush home and purge. The days following the holidays were just as bad. The guilt I would feel was enormous and I would feel desperate to try and make up for all the calories I had consumed. I would really restrict my intake and I would exercise more. Holidays were a time that I just never looked forward to.
For other people, food is not the only thing that makes them dread the holidays. Being around family members may also cause a lot of stress, especially if the families tend to fight a lot or drink too much. The holidays may bring up painful memories from past holidays. You may also have to be around certain family members who make you uncomfortable or who you do not particularly like. If the families are also aware of your eating disorder, you may be subjected to comments about what you are or are not eating. You may feel pressured into eating more than you are comfortable with in order to please the people around you.
I do not think I have ever met anyone with an eating disorder that really looks forward to the holidays. Making a plan of what you will do ahead of time, may be a good idea to help you cope during these stressful times. Below is a list of a few things that may help you during the holidays:
Make a list of things you can do to help relax and distract yourself from the feelings of fullness after a big meal. e.g. go for a walk, take a bath, read, visit a friend, go for a drive, etc.
Have the phone numbers of friends and crisis lines available to you.
If you have to be at a function with certain people who make you uncomfortable, plan ways to excuse yourself from their immediate presence.
Try not to count calories and try to avoid the scale.
If you feel yourself starting to panic because you are feeling too full or if you allowed yourself to eat foods that you consider to be forbidden, remind yourself it is okay to eat what you did, that food will not make you fat, and it is only normal to eat more during the holidays. Most people do and it really is okay.
If you have a period where you end up bingeing or purging, do not beat yourself up over it. Just put it behind you and move forward.
Prepare responses to make to people who may say something to you that would make you uncomfortable.
If you feel you need to, set some boundaries for yourself by telling people ahead of time that you do not want anyone to comment on your appearance or your eating.
Be sure to plan some time for yourself to do something that you enjoy. It is very important to take special care of yourself during the holidays.
I really do believe that you need to do what is right for you during these times. Do not allow anyone to pressure you into eating more than you can handle. You are not eating for them, you are eating for yourself. If being with certain family members or going home for the holidays is too stressful, you may have to seriously think about not going. Do not be afraid to disappoint people by not showing up and if you can, be honest about why you will not be attending. Holidays are a very stressful time for people with eating disorders and it really is important that you do whatever you need to do in order to make them easier on yourself.
I no longer get stressed out during the holidays, except of course for the last minute rush of holiday shoppers, but I do not experience anxiety about the meals. Recovery took time and enjoying holidays did not come easy, but I no longer dread Santa's yearly visit nor fantasize about killing the Easter bunny. As long as you keep fighting and never give up, food will no longer prevent you from enjoying the holidays. You will be able to think of them as a time to gather with loved ones, you can make your own special memories, and you may even be able to start looking forward to them. So whatever holiday is approaching, I wish you all the best and I hope that you all have a very Happy Holiday.
I would like to thank Sharon Sward for giving me permission to include the below "Happy Holidays" in this section.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS
(What if:)
H
unger means you eat when physically hungry instead of emotionally hungry.A
ttitudes about your size has to with the size of your heart instead of the size of your body.P
arents accept and value you for who you are, not according to how you look.P
roblems are resolved in ways other than stuffing your feelings with food.Y
ou spend as much time and energy on helping others, as you do on how you look.H
appiness comes from within rather than from expectations of others.O
ccasions for the holidays emphasize relating to others instead of emphasizing food.L
ove of self means you deserve to treat yourself in the best humanly possible way.I
dentity of self involves more than how you look.D
isapproval of self is changed to approval of who you are.A
cceptance of what one can not change includes your body features.Y
ou treat yourself as you treat your best friend.S
ociety values you for being you without emphasis to your weight or size.