Welcome to the First Amish Newsletter
Made by the American Working Amish for the American Working Amish
Top Ten Amish Bumper Stickers
She's so pretty, a feller can break 4 commandments just looking at her.
Top Ten Amish Spring Break Activities
1. Drink molasses 'til you heave
2. Wet bonnet contest
3. Stuff as many guys as you can into a buggy
4. Buttermilk keggar
5. Blow past the Dairy Queen on a souped-up Clydesdale
6. Get a tattoo: "Born to raise barns"
7. Cruise streets shouting insults at people with zippers
8. Sleep 'til 6 AM
9. Drive over to Sugarcreek and kick some Mennonite rear
10. Churn butter naked
Top Ten Amish Pick-up Lines
Top 7 Amish Movies
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10. I may be slow, but I'm ahead of you and I got traffic backed-up 5 miles
9. Born to raise barns
8. My other buggy is a Mercedes
7. Eat my dust, but don't step in my exhaust
6. Don't Blame Me - I Didn't Vote For Him or Anyone
5. I pray for higher gas prices
4. I brake for barn raisings
3. When the Amish are outlawed, only outlaws will be Amish
2. No.... I am not Harrison Ford
1. If this buggy is swayin'... I'm in here a prayin'
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10. His hayloft is shy a few bales
9. The lantern is burning, but nobody is home
8. If I wasn't non-resistant, you'd be dead
7. Kiss my butt and I'll turn the other cheek
6. She's got a face that would make the Bishop curse
5. He's only Amish because he can't spell Presbyterian
4. He gives incest a bad name
3. She may not be much to look at, but she sure can pull a plow
2. He's slower than a goat-cart
1. His folks had 17 kids, hoping he'd get lost in the crowd.
She's so pretty, a feller can break 4 commandments just looking at her.
Top Ten Amish Spring Break Activities
1. Drink molasses 'til you heave
2. Wet bonnet contest
3. Stuff as many guys as you can into a buggy
4. Buttermilk keggar
5. Blow past the Dairy Queen on a souped-up Clydesdale
6. Get a tattoo: "Born to raise barns"
7. Cruise streets shouting insults at people with zippers
8. Sleep 'til 6 AM
9. Drive over to Sugarcreek and kick some Mennonite rear
10. Churn butter naked
10. Are thee at barn-raisings often?
9. If our religion didn't forbid the use of telephones, I would ask thee for thy number.
8. Can I buy thee a buttermilk colada?
7. You've really got the build for that plain bonnet and shapeless black dress.
6. Say, my favorite movie is Witness, too!
5. Are thee a model?
4. There are so many phonies at these quilting bees. Let's go someplace quiet.
3. Thy buggy has a cool lacquer job.
2. I got Streisand tickets...
1. Are thee up for some plowing?
9. If our religion didn't forbid the use of telephones, I would ask thee for thy number.
8. Can I buy thee a buttermilk colada?
7. You've really got the build for that plain bonnet and shapeless black dress.
6. Say, my favorite movie is Witness, too!
5. Are thee a model?
4. There are so many phonies at these quilting bees. Let's go someplace quiet.
3. Thy buggy has a cool lacquer job.
2. I got Streisand tickets...
1. Are thee up for some plowing?
Top Ten Signs Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble:
10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."
4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."
2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."
4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."
2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
The Top 10 Amish Horror Movies
- Barnraiser
- Rosemary's Buggy
- It Came from The Sharper Image
- The Devil Wore Plaid
- The Hand That Churns the Butter
- Riding in Cars with Anyone
- The Shunning
- The Bare Wrist Project
- The Pennsylvania Handsaw Massacre
and the Number 1 Amish Horror Movie...
- Invasion of the Bonnet Snatchers
The Top 10 Amish Horror Movies
- Barnraiser
- Rosemary's Buggy
- It Came from The Sharper Image
- The Devil Wore Plaid
- The Hand That Churns the Butter
- Riding in Cars with Anyone
- The Shunning
- The Bare Wrist Project
- The Pennsylvania Handsaw Massacre
and the Number 1 Amish Horror Movie...
- Invasion of the Bonnet Snatchers
Top Ten Most Common Amish Names:
10. Amos Yoder
9. Amos Troyer
8. Amos Yoder-Troyer
7. Amos Miller
6. Eli Yoder
5. Eli Troyer
4. Eli Miller
3. Bishop Yoder
2. Eli Amos
1. Zebediah Schwartzentruber
Top Ten Most Common Amish Names:
10. Amos Yoder
9. Amos Troyer
8. Amos Yoder-Troyer
7. Amos Miller
6. Eli Yoder
5. Eli Troyer
4. Eli Miller
3. Bishop Yoder
2. Eli Amos
1. Zebediah Schwartzentruber
Top 7 Amish Movies
1. Witness starring Harrison Ford
2. For Richer Or Poorer w/ Tim Allen
3. Kingpin w/ Woody Harrelson
4. Harvest of Fire (1996) starring Patty Duke
5. The Night They Raided Minsky's (1968)
6. North w/ Bruce Willis
7. Bloodlines (1998)
You Just Might Be Amish
You Just Might Be English
Amish Country Mad Lib
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If you have ever asked, "Does this shade of black make me look fat?"
If you have ever said, "Hide the lightbulbs, the Bishop is coming!"
If you have a "Born To Raise Barns" tattoo
If you have ever taken your buggy through the drive-thru
If you can tell a Clydesdale from a Belgium
If you consider Thomas Alva Edison a troublemaker
If you have a phone booth in your front yard
If you and your wife had the same last name before you were married
If dinner always includes dessert
You Just Might Be Amish
You Just Might Be English
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If you have ever taken a bath in the middle of the week
If you know who shot JR
If you have never gone barefoot to church
If you have fewer than 10 children
If your church doesn't meet in a barn
If you have ever eaten a TV dinner
If you have never been to an auction
If less than 500 people attended your wedding
If you have ever hired a building contractor
If higher gasoline prices concern you
If your wife has never pulled a plow
If you have a high school diploma
If earning a living does not entail a pitchfork or hammer
If you have ever been woken up at 3 a.m. by the telephone
If a Clydesdale reminds you of Budweiser
If you are reading this on the Internet
You Just Might Be English
Amish Country Mad Lib
Directions:
Fill in the blanks with the type of word the blank tells you to.
Ex:
When u are
done highlight the page with your mouse and read the lib!
My
parents took me on a to Amish Country. I saw an Amish Person in a buggy
attached to a .
There was a kid in the back a . I always thought the
Amish couldn’t have them. Our broke down and we
can’t get a to it. My mom on an Amish
person’s . She asked them if she could call the on their . The Amish
told her, “For the love of Why would I have technology.”
So we were stuck out in the middle of Amish Country. That at an Amish person
decided to let us spend the on one condition, we had to become Amish.
Well, now I’m Amish until a. can come to us. It should take
only days.
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