Not Mine

For Some
by Ronin

for some hope will fade
though sun may rise.
all children laugh,
but one of them cries.
for some life is easy,
for some it is hard.
though others have fun,
some keep up their guard.
though some have love,
and others want some.
all some possess,
is a feeling of numb.
some obtain strength,
while others have grace.
but all left for some,
is cold hands embrace.

Newish stuff...I guess

I don't remember writing some of these....oh well. This isn't even new poetry, but I haven't posted it yet, so that's why I'm labeling it "newish".

Solitude

The hushed leaves whisper
through a solid ray of light
and the many mysteries
of this infernal life
all become apparent
in this intolerable moment of strife.
Emptiness embraces
my cold, unfeeling heart,
and one by one toy soldiers'
nonchalant march starts;
I can see the vanity
of trying to dodge Pain's dart.
Misery rapes my soul
forcing innocence away;
the pale moon rises,
blocking another day.
The solitude of death,
allows me to find my way.

Karen Bettle

Once in a while

Once in a while
when I think you’re forgotten
something bubbles inside of me
and I’m reminded that I love you,
that I’m just an empty shell
looking for itself.
Once in a while
I remember what we did
and, like a volcano,
tears well up inside of me;
I wish I could erupt.
Once in a while
as I’m lying in bed
not able to sleep,
I imagine what it’d be like
to hug you once more–
my dreams are haunted by your presence.

Once in a while

 I see you for real,

and it hurts more than steel daggers

because you shoved

a single betrayal into my spine

and twist it so often.

Once in a while

I feel like jumping,

just to end the pain;

yet, I’m afraid of what I may see

as I plunge toward death

and finally wake up.

Once in a while

I feel like kissing you,

holding you,

and not letting you go

until I feel your love again.

Once in a while

I realize it’s over.

I hate that

once in a while.

Karen Bettle

-June 2003

 

Please Help Me

 

Please, help me now,

look deep inside of me,

heal my confusion,

help set me free.

I’m cornered and lost,

the answers, so far away,

I only cry at night;

there are witnesses during the day,

Love is hurting so much.

Me, a hopeless romantic at heart!

Please, someone help me,

life is tearing me apart.

 

Karen Bettle

–July 2003

The Valley of Surrender (revised)

In a dream one stormy night
I walked a path so new.
Too many things were unknown to me
and I wondered what to do.
Two walls of rock stood by me,
knowing my heart, I could not mend her,
the mocking giants gleamed at me
as I let go, in the Valley of Surrender.

The pain, to me, was too much
and I tried to rip it away,
but my heart stayed in place
and my loneliness did stay.

I remember far too much
of my sorrow's past;
I try to believe happy thoughts,
but they do not last.
They scream to me that I am lost
but no one will search for me.
For I am worthless, a simple fool
who surrendered to misery.

This is not a dream, but something real
that I have stumbled upon.
I know my fate if I stay:
to live with everything gone.
But those rocks seem too tall to climb,
and my ambition, I cannot stir,
so I will sit in the grasp
of the Valley of Surrender.

Karen Bettle
-Sept. 2003

Under Love
Hate does dwell.
A river flowing
through the gates of Hell.
To get to God,
swim this lake,
and forever your soul
is free to take

Karen Bettle
-Oct. 2003

Through sorrow
you see the light,
and through pain
you gain might.
To reach love,
experience hate.
Go through Hell
to reach Heaven's gate.
Talk to a liar
to know trust.
The existence of Good
means Evil's a must.
To understand,
you must see:
There's more to life
than being happy.

Karen Bettle
-Oct. 2003

Love Poems

The Valley of Surrender

In a dream one stormy night 
I walked a path so new.
Too many things were unknown to me
and I wondered what to do.
Two walls of rock stood by me,
knowing my heart, I could not mend her,
the mocking giants gleamed at me
as I let go, in the Valley of Surrender.

-Karen Bettle, July 28, 2003

 

Please Help Me

Please help me now,
look deep inside of me.
Heal my confusion;
help set me free.
I'm cornered and lost.
The answers, so far away!
I only cry at night;
there are witnesses during the day.
Love is hurting so much.
me, a hopeless romantic at heart!
Please help me, someone,
life is tearing me apart...

-Karen Bettle

 

Moonlit Fantasy

On a moonlit night
far, far away,
I see you, touch you,
and melt in your face.
Our eyes were our mouths;
our thoughts were our words;
our lips were the sounds
which made them heard.
Yet fear held us back,
afraid of the cost.
We knew there were dangers,
we could become lost.
Young as we were
we thought it quite wise
to hold onto our secret
and close our pained eyes.
We were just friends,
despite what they say,
and wanted for nothing
to take that away.
But the young do age,
and we found our sight,
all became clear
that warm, moonlit night.
Unsure as you were,
you brought me outside
and what you did
stirred me up inside.
You loved me, I knew,
and I loved you too.
Uncertain what to do
I made eye contact with you...
and we kissed.

-Karen Bettle

 

Gone

These memories of loneliness
are only simple reminders
of what we once had.
I cannot bear the feeling
that burdens my mind
and makes me go mad.
How is it that you managed
to deceive me in such a way
as no other has before?
The emptiness engulfing me's
outlet is the self-accusation
that I let myself be your whore.
Yet as i think of these thoughts
I feel a pang of something
hit me dead-on.
A realization which I must handle,
that my love, my best friend,
and my old self are gone.

-Karen Bettle

 

Fighting Emotions

There's a war going on;
A conflict; a struggle,
Two sides battling one another.
Hate takes its sword and clutches the hilt,
While love aims its arrow, ready to shoot.
The sword comes down; the arrow is fired;
And they hit the other, going off course.
Leaving emptiness.
There's a war going on, can't you see?
There's an army fighting inside of me.

-Karen Bettle
June 4, 2003

 

The Sea of Sorrow

Uncertainty and doubt
are crashing over me
and are dragging me down
to the bottom of a cold sea.
I'm drowning in the sorrow,
that has no age or name
and I'm realizing
that life is a ruthless game.

I do not wish for safety,
I only want to be free,
I want to get away from love,
because it's only pain to me.
I'm not attached to this world,
because I do not belong,
so many people dislike me,
I feel like a misunderstood song.

I'm in a sea of sorrow,
and I just learned that I can't swim.
My lifeguard's just ignoring me,
so why am I drowning for him?

Love isn't an emotion
that I consider a good friend.
It doesn't have my address,
so if I can't receive it, how can I send?
I'm dying, so slowly and sadly,
that is plain to see.
If only you take a look,
you'll see my angst and misery.

I don't trust many people,
because people tend to speak,
and what you thought was dammed up good
can seep through a crack and leak.
I tell my friends nothing,
for they do not deserve to know.
They have inflicted pain on me
so deep that the scars cannot show.

I'm in a sea of sorrow
and I just learned that I can't swim.
My lifeguard's just ignoring me,
so why am I drowning for him?

I've almost reached the bottom
and my air is running out,
but even on the surface
no one could hear me shout.
I wish that I could tell you
how betrayed I feel.
I wish you knew exactly
how much of me you did steal.

But you don't care, do you?
I think I can see through your mask.
I see who you really are,
and I love you despite of that.

I'm in a sea of sorrow,
mixed with anger and love,
and as I watch your discomfort,
comprehension rains from above.

You are just like me,
and we are like the rest.
We are treading water,
to pass a swimming test.

If only I was a better swimmer.

Karen Bettle
April 30, 2003

 

I find it agonizing
to be a romantic.
These daydreamed visions
make my mind frantic.
I feel a pang in my heart
of envy perchance,
when lovestruck couples
get lost in the other's glance.
I dream of a kiss
from a boy held dear;
a truly magical kiss
meant to rid me of fear.
I yearn for the day
that heed to my plight,
and like a princess
I finally find my knight.

 -Karen Bettle. July 16, 2003

 

Go To Bed

Hugs and kisses
little mister
it's time to go to bed.
Wash your face,
proove your faith,
then lie down your sweet head.
Close your eyes
to diamond skies
and try a pleasant dream.
Don't get lost
at any cost,
nightmares make you scream.
I love you,
you know I do,
but you don't care.
Stay awake
and sadly think
of me, if you dare.
Give hugs and kisses
to your misses
and think of what's now dead.
Shh! It's time to go to bed.

  -Karen Bettle June 26, 2003

 

Just You and I

As we sit in our field of love,
I notice clouds of doubt draw near.
I hold your hand tightly in mine,
and pray for words expressed in a tear.
I tilt my head to look at you,
and note the concern on your face.
Your soul's screaming as loud as mine,
echoing through your eyes' infinite space.
But I must say this while I can,
for the rain is close at hand,
and soon a raging storm will blow
and slowly abolish this land.
You are very dear to me,
that I hope you know,
and as long as you're with me
my heart shall fight every woe.
And when we meet the crossroad
that makes us part our ways,
I'll still smile and think of you
as I remember our magical days.
As I finish I look away,
refusing to let you see me cry,
but you take my face and kiss my lips,
and again, the world's just you and I.

 -Karen Bettle, August 28, 2003

Inspirational

It's cloudy days that I realize how much like nature we are. Sometimes we can be cold and depressing too. This said, one must realize that the sun will be shinning again soon.

-Karen Bettle

I'm doing better. You truly did break my heart, but the wonder, almost magical thing about a shattered heart or dream is the fact that they can be repaired. Whether it takes a day, a week, a month, a year, or longer, they can be pieced back together.

-Karen Bettle

I need help with the burden I'm carrying on my shoulders. It's getting so heavy I can feel it sinking in deeper and becoming a part of me.

-Karen Bettle

I tell you in terms that may mean something to you. I pray God has mercy on your soul because every time you meet with, speak to, or think of me the devil looks up at you with pride in his eyes.

-Karen Bettle

What's the poin in having sight if you're blind to the world around you?

-Karen Bettle

I want to fly away, free. But my heart's weighing me down.

-Karen Bettle

The 5 stages of dying:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Don't they sound a lot like the stages you go through before and/or after a break up?

-Karen Bettle

The other day I got so tired of dealing with the pain I tried to run away. But no mattee how fast or far I ran, it always caught up to me. I hate having to be so strong and to fight this war on my own when I feel so weak I just want to give up. I hate the fact that I fell in love with such a jerk.

-Karen Bettle

You can say that Death is a very cold and uncaring figure to unconditionally take the lives of those young or old, but when you really think about it, isn't his job entirely based on sympathy?

-Karen Bettle

Crying makes you look lame, but at least it proves you're still alive.

-Karen Bettle

People spend too much time and money on the perfect teeth when there are more important things they should be polishing.

-Karen Bettle

Teachers are a wonder

if only the world would see,

that a single teacher

can change eternity.

-Karen Bettle

Only when you open your mind to pain and misery will you finally be able to believe in love.

-Karen Bettle

It's amazing how much like fire people are. We dance, breathe, kill, can be killed, and when we are not constrained enough it can have serious consequences, just as when we are too contrained. The difference is, we know why fire's here.

-Karen Bettle

 

Deppressed states

The World of Darkness

The loneliness is waiting
for me to come and see
how dark and foreboding
the world can really be.
Happy little faces
with their joy and glee
are momentary masks
in the play of eternity.

I stepped into the world of darkness
one cold and misty night,
and met with people once thought gone
in the place with no knowledge of right.

Darkness is a shield
for those that fear the light.
What they may see in themselves
would cause uncertainty and fright.
We all step into this land
where depression rules us all
and kindness is a foreign word;
selfishness is known by all.

Here there is no heaven,
as it seems we are in Hell,
and everyone is hiding
in their own personal shell.
Sex, drunkenness and drugs
aren't considered a sin,
because they only provide pleasures
we all desire within.

I stepped into the world of darkness
one rough and stormy night,
and met with people once thought gone
in the place with no knowledge of right.

This realm is cold and shallow
like a puddle stepped in;
there's no such thing as a smile,
only an evil, deceitful grin.
A face is welcoming you here,
knowing you may never get out,
and when you die you may be free
if you died without a doubt.

I stepped out of the world of darkness
one warm and sunny day.
Although the sky was crystal clear,
over yonder, the clouds were gray.

I finally found me;
I'm lost in eternity.

  -Karen Bettle, Feb 12, 2003 (slightly modified since then)

 

It's Not

It's not the stillness of death,
the shortage of breath,
the chill in the air,
or the worldwide scare
that frightens me.
It's not the darkness of night,
the world of no light,
the laughter above,
or the cold feeling of love
that frightens me.
It's the fact that I know
someday I will go
and I won't get to see
the life left behind me
change and grow
from those I don't know
that frightens me.

  -Karen Bettle, September 9, 2002

 

Revelations

A pain in my heart,
a tear in my eye,
sadness within,
I begin to cry.

I'm feeling depressed,
I'm feeling alone;
in a dark cell
where light once shone.

I see face of people
I think I once knew.
As I fall deeper
I see it's not true.

People know me.
No, I don't think they do.
I don't exist,
so really, do you?

Deeper I crash.
I want out, now!
There must be an exit,
can't I escape somehow?

No, I can't.
I'm stuck in this cell.
I finally realise
my mind's my own hell...

  -Karen Bettle, June 6, 2002

 

Why We Die

Have you ever wondered
why everything must die?
Well listen well to what I say
and you will find out why.

If the world were perfect,
and no one knew of sorrow,
think of how boring it would be
to know today's the same as tomorrow.

Think of all the people
that would be around
if we always gave birth
and were never put in the ground.

And I know you miss Hopper,
he was a very good bunny,
but you can't appreciate the clouds
if it's always sunny.

If we never died,
love would not be here.
Love is very painful,
and we die with every tear.

If we didn't die,
there would be no mysteries left.
You see, our greatest wonders
are caused because of death.

If it weren't for Death
we would not be afraid.
Without fear to hold us back,
think if the messes we could have made.

We do not know when it will come,
and stopping it is something we can't do.
Just live your lives fully
because it is coming for you.

  -Karen Bettle, May 19, 2003

 

Fluffy Wuffy

Fluffy Wuffy was a cat
that never knew where he was at.
Sit down and listen well
to the tall of Fluffy's hell.

Fluffy walked one night to the park.
He could see a little, but it was dark.
He met a dog and thought him friend,
now Fluffy's life's to an end.

Meet the dog who killed the cat.
He is not strong, but weak and fat.
So you ask why Fluffy did not run?
Well, he thought it was all in fun!

What's the moral to this tale?
Even the fast can sometimes fail.
Don't be mad at this beat,
because the hungry like to feast.

  -Karen Bettle, May 20, 2003

 

Alone

I am alone.
Like the antelope
surrounded by lions.
Many around,
yet so alone.
I am alone.
A drifter
among a sea of people.
No real good friends;
unwanted everywhere else.
I am alone.
So very alone.
I am hated
by the ones I don't know,
and the ones who know me
don't really care.
I am alone.
Trapped on an iceberg
with no way off
in this cold, frigid place.
I am alone.
So very alone.
Dying in a world so vain,
no longer feeling the pain
of being alone.
So very, very alone.

  -Karen Bettle, May 25 2003

 

Bury Me

I don't ask for much,
and I wonder if you're real,
but I hear you love me
and may know how I feel.

I ask a favour from you.
Please, take away my hurt.
Kill me now, I don't like life;
bury me in six feet of dirt.

What have you planned for me?
What's my purpose in life?
Am I already condemned
to a fate of hate and strife?

Am I the devil's slave,
have you sealed my fate?
Can I overcome this pain
or is it already too late?

I don't really care I guess.
Hell must be more bearable than this.
There I won't remember love
or how it feels to kiss.

I ask a favour from you.
Please, take away my hurt.
Kill me now, I don't like life;
bury me in six feet of dirt.

Stop this bus, I want off now.
I'm tired of seeing the sights.
The people around me are arguing;
I don't like hearing their fights!

God, do you believe in me,
for, I don't know if I believe in you,
I'm skeptical of the bible
and think a lot of it's untrue.

But I'm tired of feeling alone.
I feel like I don't have a friend,
and I always wonder why.
Please, make this all end.

I ask a favour from you.
Please, take away my hurt.
Kill me now, I don't like life;
bury me in six feet of dirt.

I think you're looking down on me,
a smug grin upon your face.
I have to learn my lessons,
and life is horrible to waste.

I know you have heard my call
and Death is on his way.
I believe you are something,
but what I cannot say.

I asked a favour from you,
to take away my hurt.
But I was already dead
and knee deep in dirt.

I know what it's like to be alive:
it's the same as being dead.
It's all a dream, a little vision,
in somebody else's head.

  -Karen Bettle June 11, 2003