Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car ?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter :
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay.
Hockey games are okay.
Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine .
| (Q1) What do you put in a toaster?
Answer the question before you scroll down......................
If you said "toast" then give up now and go and find yourself a shoe box as you can't handle life.... If you said "bread" then please progress on to question 2. (Q2) Say "silk" 5 times, now spell "silk"..... What do cows drink?
If you said "milk", then may I suggest that you do not try the next question, as it may seem that your brain cell is over-taxed, you need a holiday... May I suggest children's world? If you said "water" then you may go onto question 3 . (Q3) If a red house is made from red bricks, a blue house is made out of blue bricks, a pink house is made out of pink bricks, a black house is made out of black bricks.... What is a green house made out of?
If you said "green bricks" then what the hell are you still doing here reading these questions!!!! If you said "glass" then please progress onto question 4 . (Q4) 20 years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 ft, over the old country Germany when 2 of the engines fail, the pilot realising that the last remaining engine was failing, decides a crash landing procedure, but unfortunately the engine fails before time and the plane crashes smack bang in the middle of "No Man's Land", the land between East Germany and West Germany in the middle of the Berlin Wall. Where would you bury the survivors: East Germany, West Germany or in "No Man's Land?"
If you said anything other than the sentence above then please never fly, you may cause more damage should the plane crash!!! If you said the sentence above then carry on to question 5. (Q5) If on a clock the hour hand moves 1/60th of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand travel in 1 hour?
If you said "360 degrees", or anything other than the answer, may I congratulate you on getting this far... but be honest with yourself, do you think you can handle the last and final question? If you said "1 degree" then please go on to the last question. (Q6) **Without using a calculator** You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven (Wales). What was the name of the bus driver?
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Researchers at Alabama's Auburn University say they have determined what men want in the "ideal woman": she is sexually inexperienced but likes sex, has a career but is a full-time homemaker, has a slim build, is athletic, and has pretty eyes, dark hair, good complexion and a firm butt. Large breasts are nice, but not all that important. The study's lead author, Erica Gannon, says the specifications are similar to what is found in the Bible. "Our participants, whether knowingly or unknowingly, espouse a view of the ideal woman that is very similar to the views held by individuals thousands of years ago." However, she adds, "It's hard to be this woman." (UPI) ...About as hard as being the ideal man: strong yet gentle, powerful yet sensitive, has a great career yet helps clean the house and raise the children, in control yet cries, and a sex expert who's only been with one woman.
haha fuck the baby
he shat him self