All Things Birth Choices

    When J and I got married we decided that we wanted many children and ignored most of the advice we got.  "Go on the pill, NOW!"  I didn't.  "Get to know each other before you have kids."  We figured we knew each other pretty well and there was a lot of time for that.  "Wait at least five years before adding a child to your relationship."  We were married in December of 2000.  Harris Baby #1 was conceived late January / early February of 2001.  This is the story of her birth.

    Not far into the pregnancy, we made an appointment at the local clinic with a lady doctor who we had heard good things about.  Our thinking was that since she'd had a baby we would be more comfortable with her.  This was not to be so!  She treated J like his should not be there, because he had already done his part.  She did not listen to us.  We didn't want the PAP, or any STD tests done.  She insisted, saying, "I'm here anyway, I might as well." (In response to our not wanted the STD testing done but we had already agreed to the PAP; figured we had to agree to that.)  We both felt violated and ignored.  She insisted on other things like an early ultrasound and used "scare tactics" to get me to agree.  We made the second appointment but never went.  Instead I started looking for a local midwife.  The closest was an hour away.  We connected well with the first and only midwife I called!

    We attended a new church the morning of my due date.  Although they could tell I was expecting, no one guessed that I was "due" that day. We knew that it was unlikely we would go into labor that day as few babies actually arrive on their given date.  We went about our Sunday activities - to a church member's home for a meal, home to watch tv.  No inclination of what was to come that night until we were headed to bed.

    On the way to the bedroom I had a "spurt" of bloody show that scared us a little so we called our midwife for support.  She assured us that all was fine, that the baby would be arriving within the next couple of days.  She said to keep in touch and to get a good sleep.  She said that when labor hit to call her "when it wasn't fun anymore" and she'd head our direction.

    Well, labor started almost immediately.  We did go to bed and I tried to sleep through the contractions.  I felt like I was disturbing J and ended up getting up a couple of hours later.  I folded laundry while letting him sleep as long as I could.  The contractions got to a point where I couldn't handle them alone anymore so I got J up.  He prepared the bed and house for delivery in between contractions.  I called our midwife again and asked her to come.  She took a LONG time to do so due to some car trouble.  The time between my call and the time of her arrival probably seemed longer because of the "activity" at hand and me wanting an experienced person by my side.   When she arrived J helped carry in her equipment while she helped me find a good position to encourage labor and drop the baby more.  Not too long after her arrival she checked my dilation.  I was 9cm.  She called the second midwife to come.

    I remember how tired J and I were by this time.  I remember feeling out of control even once I started pushing.  I didn't know what to expect; I hadn't educated myself but had expected others to educated me. J was my birthing apparatus - stool, leaning post, hanging "bar".  He was exhausted.  We finally found a position where he could sit and still support me and I could be upright enough to birth comfortably.

    I had a prayer warrior for this birth too.  My friend received a call from me just after my first call to our midwife.  I remember that she called back the next morning to see if anything had really happened while I was in the midst of intense pushing.  The answering machine had this tone that kept beeping to tell us there was a message.  That sound drove me crazy!  I finally begged them to turn it off!  My friend had spend part of the night and early morning in prayer for this birth! 

    I don't remember the second midwife's arrival or her departure.  She was just there and did what was needed to be done and then was gone again.  Her biggest role that morning was to help suction and get our baby breathing / crying well (meconium in the fluid caused issues and concern). 

    Kristyn LaDonna (7lbs 6oz) was born mid-morning, caught by our midwife, beside our double bed in the comfort of our home.  I was helped into bed and I snuggled with our new baby, while J ran on adrenaline - cleaning up, doing laundry, calling friends and family.  Our midwife, quietly did her paperwork at the table, not disturbing or interfering.  Baby was weight and measured and checked over at our request before she left.

    I did have trouble with nursing.  A combination of things caused this.  Kristyn was a sleeper at first.  We couldn't keep her awake to eat and I wasn't letting down my milk.  After a visit or two and some coaching over the phone we got the hang of it.  She became a pro and nursed for about 14 months, even through another pregnancy and baby arriving before she was a year old.

Our second baby came along sooner than we had planned but God knew what we needed, even if it wasn’t what we expected.  Kristyn was only three months old when I got pregnant with number two.  The pregnancy went smoothly until the end when close to my due date we realized that our little one was breech.  When the tricks the midwives had didn’t work we had a consult appointment with a midwifery friendly doctor who was willing to try a breech delivery depending on what an ultra sound showed.  This appointment required a trip to the city an hour away and for us to leave Kristyn with a sitter.  It was to be a day trip.

Our midwife was to meet us at the hospital for the appointment but she was help up and we got started without her.  A nurse directed us to a bed, left a hospital gown and directed me to get changed.  Eventually the doctor came and started the ultrasound.  The ultrasound showed a double footling breech (both feet engaged in the birth canal), the worst possible kind for a vaginal delivery.

While waiting for the doctor’s verdict, our midwife arrived and we had a parade of interns come into the room.  Midwives are well practiced in feeling for the position of a baby in utereo, and these interns had very little experience with feeling a breech baby and came asking to feel; to be instructed in what to look for in such a position.  I was happy to help as was my midwife.

Because my due date was close and baby was not in a good position the doctor decided that a c-section that day or the next would be best, but regardless, I would not be leaving the city.  We came prepared with a detailed birth plan, but we were not prepared for such a decision so quickly.  We discussed our options with our midwife.  The doctor wanted me to stay at the hospital until the delivery but I did not!  We had no clothes, bags or anything as we had not been planning to stay longer than a few hours.  Jason decided to drive the hour home to pick up our things and to arrange for longer term care for Kristyn.  Before he left, we compromised with the doctor and I went to our midwife’s home for a few hours to rest.  When J returned we went together to the hospital.

Our midwife had agreed to stay for the surgery to be an advocate for us but due to delays at the hospital and responsibilities at home she had to leave.  Not long after she left we were moved up!  The surgery went smoothly and Jason was able to stay with me for most of the preparation and procedure.  I was able to hold our little Cora-Jean (7lbs 5oz) a little right away but mostly I had Jason stay with her.  The drugs made me shaky and very cold.  I didn’t feel comfortable holding her.

As far as I remember we were moved quite quickly to a semi-private room.  Our birth plan always seemed to be read after the initial rounds because with each shift change we had to re-explain what we did and didn’t want to have done with me or with baby.  I remember having to explain to a nurse that I knew how to breastfeed a baby as I was still nursing my one year old who was at home.  Thankfully the nursing staff was great about leaving us to do our own thing and ask for what we needed when we needed it.  CJ was able to be in the room with us unless we needed more sleep and they were very willing to keep a watch over her.  The day we wanted to go home we got the flu so we had to stay an extra day.  Another thing I remember is drugs.  They love to give you drugs.  They gave me pain killers regularly in the hospital and sent me home with Tylenol 3s.  I took them until I realized that I was not remembering my daughters’ names nor events surrounding the birth.  I was surprised at my lack of pain without them and how clear my mind became.  It wasn’t long until we were well on our way to a regular routine with two babies.

I want to preface this birth story by saying that I am writing this four and a little more years after the birth and death of our son, Harvey Richard Harris.  This story I’m sure will be “tainted” by my emotions (if I get that far) and by my grief (which is more likely true).  Even four and a half years later there are some days where my grief and mourning are overwhelming.  Now I continue with this birth story as I remember the events that occurred.

I was huge.  Most pregnant women get those types of comments but even my midwife said I was large and my best friend, who is normally quiet about such things made a comment or two.  I remember that I was able to set a dinner plate on my belly and eat my meal; a cup of coffee could sit there undisturbed.  At 40 weeks there was really no sign of baby coming yet.  I was getting restless and very impatient.  I started a crocheted blanket that I have never gone back to; it sits unfinished.  I remember that we only had “farmer vision” TV (2 or 3 channels) and one day Jason came home from Wal-Mart with a complete season of CSI, my favorite show at the time.

I woke Saturday, March 13, 2004 and started my day when Jason got up to go to a fire training course around 7AM and within a few hours realized that I was for sure in labor.  The plan for the day was for me to call my midwife as soon as I knew (and as early as possible) to let her know that I was in labor as she was going to be in meetings all day in a community south of my location.  She would be sure to take her bags with her just in case.  I did call her and she kept in contact a couple of times through the day.  By early afternoon I called my aunt who was coming to help with the older two girls and do whatever else needed to be done.  She came in time to prepare supper for us all.  Our midwife had arrived as well and called home to let her family know that she’d be home later that night, in just a few hours, she figured.  I seemed to be progressing quite quickly.

While my aunt was cleaning up supper I remember Jason and I walking (pacing?) up and down the hall and she said something that really was the start of my education and research into birth and the birth process.  She said, “Don’t fight against your body.  Relax through the contractions to open the cervix.  Let the contractions to their job.  If you’re tense, it can’t open.”  That was the first I’d heard anything like that; the first real education I’d received on labor and delivery.

From that point the night is kind of a blur.  We had my progress checked at least twice and the second time I had not progressed at all.  It was then that we decided to break my water.  My midwife stated, and in my experience with her it is true, that she rarely recommends breaking the bag of water, but I was stuck and had been for hours.  We figured this was the best path.  Labor did start to progress quite quickly after that, but the contractions were still bearable.

Normal practice is for two midwives to be present for the actual birth.  However, all the back up midwives in the area were either away until Sunday morning or attending others.  Well, Saturday had turned into Sunday and my midwife was about to call another midwife when I said I was ready to push our little one into this world.  She did not get a chance to make that call.

I’m stuck!  I can’t find the words to describe the rest of the birth, not with the same detail, so here are the bare bones:

• Baby crowned.  We waited to allow my skin to stretch to accommodate baby.
• Baby got stuck – shoulder dystocia. 
• I pushed hard and changed positions.
• Baby changed to some unnatural colors.
• Baby was born not breathing, no heartbeat.
• And once out, we discovered the cord wrapped very very tightly around baby’s neck.
• Jason and midwife worked on Baby while my aunt called 911.
• Ambulance arrived and took Baby to nearest hospital.
• We followed in a private vehicle (a story all its own!!!!).
• Baby Harvey was flown STARS Air Ambulance to the NICU at the Stollery Children’s Hospital in Edmonton.
• Jason and I stayed at the local hospital until late afternoon, then home to sleep before following Baby Harvey to the Stollery.
• My aunt and uncle took the girls; I had no worries about them!  We moved into their home for an indefinite amount of time – for as long as needed.  We are forever grateful for their support and help!
• The next 10 days were spent at Harvey’s bedside or at “home” sleeping.
• Day 9 we were told and finally understood that Harvey would not be staying in this world and decided to move him home to spend his last hours with his family, without machines and without doctors.
• Harvey died after only 12 days on this earth.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to share more than these few facts.  I’ll be able to share the emotion, the good and the ugly, the real story.  I will, one day, be able to share about those who joined us at his bedside, about the meals we shared, about pumping food for him to eat, about the days, months, and years of grief we’ve experienced since.  In the midst of our turmoil there is a lot of good and one day I can share those too.  For now, this is the story of Harvey’s birth, life and death.

coming soon.  I have to recall the event.  It was in 2005, so 3.5 years ago.

Transition (looking back) didn't last very long, didn't even seem to last very long. I started to feel more in control again and moved back to the bathroom. I tried to sit on the toilet - where I had labored before, but it wasn't really comfortable at the time. I stood at the sink and pulled on the faucet (I was a little worried about breaking it). At one point I remember asking Jason, do you think I've transitioned yet? Now, that's a silly question. If I was asking obviously I had. When I was standing at the sink I didn't even realize that I was pushing, that the contractions had changed. Cathy was still not there. I was beginning to wonder where she was, but I wasn't panicked about it.

Once in the bed I rested better and started to feel better. I was so thankful for Cathy and for Jason. They did everything they could to help me relax, enjoy my baby and feel better. I did ask for an IV to get my electrolytes up and started to feel better, not so weak, within a few minutes.

EDD: November 1, 2008

DOB: October 27, 2008

For about a week prior to her birth I had been having crampy, practice labor – an hour here and there, so when I woke Sunday, October 26^th with contractions about 20 minutes apart I was not concerned.  I got everyone dressed and we went to church.  Through the service and visiting afterward, my contractions spread out to 40 minutes and petered out to nothing through the afternoon.  Around 4:30 PM the contractions started again – about 40 minutes apart.  I went shopping for a few grocery items that we needed; Jason kept the kids.  When I got back I got stuff put away and made mac and cheese for supper. 

While doing baths and bed routine I had the girls help get their overnight bags ready and Jason and I started timing contractions.  They were odd.  I never quite knew when one started or stopped or when they peaked.  They varied in length and intensity and frequency – anywhere from 1.5 minutes to 2.5 minutes and 3.5 and 6 minutes apart.  Between 9 and 10 PM, I called our midwife to get her input and to give her an update.  She agreed that the contractions seemed more like practice than the real thing.  She advised that we get some rest as best as possible and to keep in touch.

So I went and took a shower and got ready for bed.  I slept fitfully on the couch while Jason watched TV.  On one of my many trips downstairs to the bathroom we got the bed prepared for me to sleep there and then he did his evening routine.  It was around 1AM.  At about 20 after 1 I had a tough contraction that gave a kick or a pop.  During this contraction Jason suggested that we do something more to cover the bedding in case my water broke.  Well, when I stood to allow him to do so, I found myself standing in a puddle.  I guess that pop had a purpose – to kick this lagging labor in the butt!

I called our midwife but got her voice mail 2 or 3 times and I got a little concerned that maybe she’d been called out to another birth or something.  But I called her pager and she called back around 1:45AM.  I told her that my water had broke and that she should come this way.  She had a two hour drive ahead of her.  The contractions were more intense, more regular and longer.  Because she missed our last birth due to inclement weather and the speed of which he came into this world, she asked if I figured she’d make it.  I thought she’d have lots of time; the contractions weren’t “that strong”.  (I remember her telling me with my very first pregnancy, to call her when “it wasn’t fun anymore”.  I wasn’t to that point yet!)

Well, Jason moved me back to the couch.  Our little guy (22 months) wouldn’t stay asleep and wanted nothing to do with Daddy.  So we decided we had better call the sitter to come and get all the kids.  (Earlier we had discussed just letting them sleep and having the sitter run interference in the morning.)  When she arrived the little man was sleeping on my tummy and I was well focused on each contraction.  So while Jason and our friend did well collecting kids and paraphernalia I did have to direct traffic a little (well, I probably didn’t have to, but I did).  They were gone by 2:30AM and it was just Jason and I again.

He positioned himself to help me and I remember saying to him, “I think I’ve stalled.”  I had no contractions, no urges to push, nothing.  I was just resting, and relaxed.  And then all of a sudden a switch seemed to flip and I went full force into push mode.  I continued to sit on the couch and got frustrated as it felt like I was preventing the baby from coming out – pushing baby into the couch cushion.  I moved to the floor, kneeling on a blanket for warmth.  Jason applied counter pressure with each push.  I loved how we communicated.  No anger or frustration.  Just direction here and there.  And questions like “Is that good?’  “Need more?”  I was amazed at how quickly this seemed to go.

I was worried about tearing.  I didn’t seem to be stretching fast or far enough to accommodate baby’s size or speed of delivery.  Jason got hot ginger cloths to help soften and soothe, and we gently stretched the skin around her large noggin!  I even asked Jason to check that it really was a head and not a butt coming first, but now we see that her butt is smaller than her head.  I remember a couple of times changing position to slow her descent.  Not that I tried to push her back in, but I just needed some relief and time to stretch a little more.

Finally baby’s head was completely born but the shoulders and body did not follow with the next couple of pushes.  Baby was going a little blue.  I changed positions a couple of times and still no change.  I wasn’t worried but knew that we had to do something soon.  Jason got active and right up in there to give a gentle tug.  He must have missed the catch because there she was beside me.  (We were expecting a boy; just a gut feeling and the way I was carrying her in pregnancy.)  I scooped her up and started rubbing and patting to get her crying and breathing.  It was 3:30AM.

She was beautiful pink all over in just a few seconds.  Clear soft skin.  And lungs!  The girl has lungs!

Jason moved the two of us to the couch and started covering us with blankets.  He had the temperature so high in the house that he was sweating like crazy but baby and I were so cold.  Then the contractions for the placenta hit.  OUCH!  But no sight of it.  Normal for me is within the first half hour, but being that this whole delivery was abnormal, I shouldn’t have been surprised.

Our midwife called from the road about 20 minutes after baby was born.  She asked if I was going to wait for her and I had to apologize saying, “I just couldn’t.  She wanted to come out so badly!”  She was another 20 minutes away yet.  I still hadn’t delivered the placenta when they (she’d stopped to pick up a support /backup midwife) arrived.  Our midwife had time to deal with the cord before the next contraction came.  (Jason had gone outside and really had no interest in cutting the cord; he considered himself “off duty” once they arrived.)  With that contraction the placenta arrived all in one piece; it was very large, almost like another baby!  In fact, earlier while we were waiting and the contractions were so “brutal” I questioned whether there was another baby in there but after some poking Jason and I decided that we were parents again to only one more baby, not two.

I am so pleased to say that that I did not pass out this time.  Not when they moved me to a more comfortable position, nor when I got up (was helped up) to pee in a bucket.  And I haven’t since!  My body “got it right” this time.  Oh, I’m feeling the pain of sore muscles and such of the pregnancy and delivery, but nothing like after the last speedy entry.

I did not know the baby’s name.  When the midwife was doing her paperwork and asked, I just looked at Jason.  He named her and I am so pleased with what he chose.  I got to choose the spelling though and I love the letter Y so of course that went in!

Rayna, Jason and I spent the day on the couch – in and out of sleep, watching TV, phoning family and friends.  The other children came home late in the afternoon.  Another friend brought supper and bathed all the kids.  Then at bedtime a third woman and our sitter came by with gifts and to put the older ones to bed.  We have been so blessed.

Baby Rayna is well looked after and loved.  A new baby always shows me the older children’s personalities.  K(7) is a little momma – holding and changing diapers, bossing the other children.  CJ(6) thinks baby is just a live doll whose clothes need changing regularly.  M(3.5) just loves to talk about her baby sister but can never remember her name.  W(22mon and only boy) pokes and pats and hugs; he’s feeling the pinch of not being the baby anymore; this “baby sissa” is always in the way, in his spot beside or on mommy.

I’ve never gone into labor early, so that was a pleasant surprise.  I was very glad I had done as much prep work as I had – packing bags, collecting supplies and buying things for the newborn.  I had activities planned for the next couple of weeks to keep us occupied and have had to change those plans, but that’s okay.  We are loving on this baby and taking the time needed to recover and adjust to her being with us now.  And we are welcoming guests; we are far from bored!