~*AiEnjeru ~ The Darkside/Art Work*~

Poetry:

These are some of the poems, I have written. Each poem represents a feeling I have felt, and are therefore very meaningful to me. Written in the good and the bad times, of my memories, hopes and fears. Writing each brings closure to me, I have said my peace, whether it is heard or not.

All Lies

I’ve heard too many lies,
I’ve told too many,
Its killing me inside,
The pain is unbearable.

It’s hard to understand why,
I cannot explain it, I don’t understand it
The lies are unacceptable, yet necessary.

The little white lies, grow more, and more,
It’ll soon be hard to know what is true,

I don’t want to hear another lie,
I don’t want to have to tell another,
It will kill me, I know it will,
The pain is unbearable.

There is no way to stop the pain,
It grows worse with each passing day,
It won’t stop, its growing faster all the time

Too many lies in my life, too many, not enough truth

Do you know?

The way you make me feel is amazing,
I’ve never felt this way before,
I never knew I could, or would,
It’s exciting; I’ve never felt so alive before.

I was dead inside, but not anymore,
You’ve saved me, I’m alive once more.

Do you know you’re the one?
Do you know I would die for you?
Do you know I Love you?
Do you know I won’t live without you?

I can only hope so

You’re my dream, my hope, my wish,
For this, I feel so lucky.
You’ve made me strong, and given me new hope.

Where I belong

Looking for the place, my place, my home,
I feel lost, but not alone,
I just wish I could find the place I belong, home.

Is it here, or is it there? Is it anywhere near?
Am I destined to feel unsettled?
Different places, different faces I see,
My world has been turned upside down,
All that I knew and had, has changed.

I’m changing, I’m growing,
I’m happy yet sad,
I’m scared to be happy when I should be sad.

Things can get better, it just takes time,
I’m patient; I’m strong and determined,
I will find my home, the place I belong.

Gone away

You’ve gone, you can’t come back,
I ask myself why, but I know the answer deep inside,
I miss you,
Your smile, your voice, your face,
I wish you could come back.

I hope you can hear my prayers,
I pray for your happiness,
For you to be able to do all the things you want,
That you no longer suffer the pain you once felt,

You’re deeply missed by those who knew you,
You’re still loved,

No more pain,

All I have is memories,
I hope they never fade,
I’ll join you one day,
I’ll see your face again,
I hope your ok

RIP loved ones x

Strong

I’m growing stronger everyday,
I’m holding on to life,
Times are hard, but they grow easier,
I lose control, but I always regain it,

Something inside me is changing,
I don’t know what it is; just that it is good,

My strength comes from my new found reason,
My reason for living, my dream the hope within

I must stay strong, I can’t let go, I won’t,
I was lost, but I’m now found,

I’m stronger, I’m holding on, I won’t let go

Times are changing, I’m changing, I’m stronger,
My weaknesses are fading away

My Love

Love is in me, in my blood, in the air I breath,
It’s apart of me now, and always will be,
I don’t want to lose this feeling,
I know if I lost it, I’d never find it again.

It makes me happy just thinking about it,
I’ll never forget it; it grows more each day,
I can feel it.

I’ve never felt this way before,
It’s amazing, it’s exciting, it’s wonderful,

Trying to show my emotions was once hard,
Now its comes naturally,
It’s weird, yet good, it’s the feeling,
Feeling of being wanted and needed,

My love is my new life, without it, I can’t live

Don’t deny it, fight it

You’re denying, your lying, your dieing,
Your letting go, don’t, hold on,
Be strong and hopeful,
I’ll help you, I’ll do my best.

I know your pain, I understand it,
You feel it everyday, I can see you do.

You’re a fighter, fight the fight,
Don’t let go, hold on, and be strong.

I won’t let you give up,
I love you too much to let you lose,
Can’t you see you’re not alone?

I can see your changing,
You’re happy yet so sad,
I wish I could ease your pain,
All I can do is try to help.

Be strong, hold on

Always

So far apart, so much distance between us,
It’s hard, it grows harder each day.

But there’s something I depend on, rely on,
My memories, the thought of being by your side,
The feeling of being in your arms,
The comfort, the protection it gives me.

We’re apart, but you’re always with me,
I’ll never forget you,
Your with me, I’m no longer alone,
You’re always on my mind.

I cannot deny how much I miss you,
But I get through the day by thinking of you.

There will come a day when we will be together,
But until then, I must remain patient and strong.

No more pain, I will be there for you my love.

Watashi ai anata babe x x x

Falling

I’m falling, I can’t stop,
Falling from this world,
The life I once knew.

Every time I try to control myself,
I fail, I fall
Every time my dreams don’t come true,
I fall,
My prayers aren’t answered, are they even heard?
I’m falling.

It breaks me; I can’t fix myself anymore,
I’m lost, I’m scared, who am I?

I don’t know what to do,
Too many choices, too many decisions,
I can’t decide.

I’m falling, I’m failing, always confused.
I don’t understand I don’t know what to do,
I'm lost.

You saved me

There were times in my life, I felt scared, lost and heart broken

It's over, no more

My pain is ever present, my heart bruised, and confused

It's over, no more

But then you came into my life, showed me love I never knew possible.
Darling, can't you see you saved me?

I feel so lucky to be yours,
I never thought I'd be able to say,
I Love You

You've helped me, you saved me,
how can I ever thank you enough?

Who must I be?

You say I’m no longer me, who must I be to make you happy?
I’m trying to show myself, but you don’t like that me.

Who must I be if I can’t be me?

Whenever I get close to who I am, something always happens,
I change again, to make you happy.

I ask myself why, I know the answer; it’s because I love you so.

I’m confused though; who do you want me to be? I cannot be me, nobody likes that me.

It hurts to know that no one likes the real me, nor do they understand.

You only see pieces of me, I cannot show you the true me.

I don’t even know who I am anymore; I’m torn into two, choose me.

The Great Pretenders

Great pretenders, always wanting to be someone else,

Put ya act on like you always do, ya know you want to, be who you think you are, the misunderstood.

If only I knew sooner, my heart might not have broken,

I don't know you anymore - did I before?

Pretenders, liars cheats and quitters in my life.

You pretend your happy, that you care - I used to believe you

not anymore

Now you say it was all lies, that the life I knew was just a game,

played by the great pretenders, should have known I'd lose,

but I'd like to know, who actually won?

Am I losing my roots?

The freedom I never knew

People take independence for granted,

I treasure it, for I barely have it,

It seems hard to believe and understand why,

Cause I am often told to stand my ground and to prove myself.

But how can I?

I can understand why the way my life is run,

But I cannot understand how it came to be.

Will someone please tell me, why me?

Did I do something wrong?

What the hell have done to deserve this?

The pain it causes you will never know,

I am on the borderline of freedom, but only fear stops me crossing it.

I try in my own way, to gain the freedom I never knew,

I hope and pray it will come soon,

For I know someday, I will need it, and am scared that it will forsaken me yet again.

That Guy

I saw his face, saw through the tough exterior,

saw a shy and lonely guy, saw into those blue eyes, saw the truth within,

he was dying inside, oh tell me why.

I knew I liked him before I knew,

something about him made me wish he was mine.

Everything changed, I had to go away,

I thought I'd lost my chance of love.

I was wrong!

He was there for me, told me how much he cared, it began.

I can no longer see my life without that guy by my side.

Oh loves a funny thing, strikes when you least expect it,

makes even the saddest days brighter,

a warm glow inside, an eternal fire never fading.

That Guy, I can only describe as True Love that was once hidden.

Isn't it time?

I thought it would be over by now,
All the hurt, all this pain,
Lies are skin deep, never fading,
Isn’t it time to forget?

It’s left its mark,
A cross for all to bare,
A dark secret which everyone knows,
Confusion still exisst, uncertainty also,
Isn’t it time to forgive?

Life is to be lived,
But how can it when revenge is in the air?
Love and hate should never be together,
Curious it is, how little they care,
Isn’t it time to lay it all to rest?

The future is not yet here,
But already I see dark days ahead,
More pain, more hurt,
Will it ever end?
A simple mistake,
A simple lie, is how it all began,

It is time to move on, let what happened go, the pain also.

Product

Sometimes I sit and wonder about the above and beyond
Am I alone? Am I really this strong?
Doubt infested throughout my mind
Is it the truth or yet another lie?
So much uncertainty whatever happened to that little clarity?
Is there a storm brewing? Can you feel it in the air?
Is there one big secret no one cares to share?
I often wonder what happened to something good and pure
Lies and deceit I somehow feel sure
Twisted minds and twisted hearts
In a place where ignorance is no longer bliss
Fears realised without a second thought
Corrupted and mislead, confusion still ever present
Is it any wonder I’m a product of a broken home?