If we could have a lifetime wish and one dream that could come true, We would pray to God with all hearts just to see and speak to you. A thousand words won't bring you back, we know because we've tried. And neither will a million tears, we know because we've cried. You've left behind our broken hearts and precious memories too. But we've never wanted memories, we only wanted you. ~Unknown
____________________________________________________
You are felt in the raindrops that fall from the skies You are felt in the tears that fall from my eyes You are felt in the sun that shines from above You are my everlasting love.
I'll never hear you laugh or cry Or see you run and play But in my dreams at night, my child I still can hear you say, "Mommy, I'm an angel now And though I'm not in your arms I am all around you I will keep you safe from harm When you feel a gentle breeze Blow upon your skin That's my gentle touch you're feeling To show you where I've been Although you cannot hold my hands Or kiss my cheeks, you'll see, If you look up high into the sky The brightest star is me."
The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, But it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you are really my friend, let me hear the beautiful music of his name. It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul.
LITTLE ANGELS When God calls little children to dwell with Him above, We mortals sometime question the wisdom of His love. For no heartache compares with the death of one small child Who does so much to make our world seem wonderful and mild. Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to His fold, So He picks a rosebud before it can grow old. God knows how much we need them, and so He takes but few To make the land of Heaven more beautiful to view. Believing this is difficult still somehow we must try, The saddest word mankind knows will always be "Goodbye." So when a little child departs, we who are left behind Must realize God loves children, Angels are hard to find.
My child has died - what can you do to help? Please don't ask "how are you?" unless you really want to know the answer... "how are you?" has become a meaningless greeting to which the expected answer is "fine". But I am not fine. At best I'm a bit fragile and a lot of the time I'm far worse - I feel upset, hurt, bewildered, angry, guilty. But these and other normal feelings which follow the death of someone you love are not the things of polite conversation. So if you are not prepared to hear about them, choose another way to greet me. Don't expect to much of me too soon.... If I'd broken my leg I'd have a plaster cast on and you wouldn't expect me to get back to normal for months. you can't put broken feelings in plaster and you can't see the scars. But they need time to heal and I need time to come to terms with the realization that "normal" from now on is life without my child. Don't ignore the death or the child that died... You wouldn't have any trouble talking about good news. If I'd just won Lotto it would be the first thing you would mention. Bad news is different - you probably don't know what to say or how to say it. But the death of my child is the most important thing in my life and it helps to acknowledge that. Be honest, and try to avoid platitudes... "This is awful, I don't know what to say" is far more help than cliched phrases that aren't true anyway. Time alone doesn't heal, the fact we've got each other is irrelevant because two drowning people can't save each other and there is no comfort in the thought of this misery being God's will. Don't think that having, or being able to have, other children will lessen the pain of my child's death... A child who loses a favorite toy will not be placated by a substitute. And so it is with people. I loved my child for who he was as an individual, not as an interchangeable piece in a set and mourning for him, at least at first will strain rather than strengthen bonds with other children. If you want to help, make specific offers not empty promises... Saying "if there's anything I can do" might make you feel good, but I'm unlikely to take you up because I probably don't know what I need and I'm unsure what your "anything" means. However if you turn up with food, an offer to babysit, or just a listening ear, your kindness will be gratefully accepted. Practice, don't preach... However weak or strong my faith, and whatever your beliefs, this is no time for sermons. Be sensitive... I find it hard to believe life in the outside world is still going on when my private world has collapsed. I hope my child's death won't leave me bitter. But it will take me time, months, years, before the weight of my own feelings lightens enough to allow me to share your joys or sorrows. Don't expect me to follow a prescribed pattern of grieving... Denial, anger, guilt, depression and acceptance are all stages in the grief process but no two people will go through them in the same way. I'll have good days and bad days, sometimes I'll cope with a lot, at other times I'll be phased by little things. It may seem illogical to you, but then feelings often are. Don't confuse control with coping... A stiff upper lip probably means I've got a tight rein on my feelings, not that I have come to terms with them. You may not be comfortable with crying or screaming but they are far healthier than numbness, which is a sign of denial. Keep in touch... I'll always be grateful for the practical and moral support you gave immediately after the death and I know you have to get on with your life. But grief doesn't end with the funeral and occasional phone call, note or visit will let me know you haven't forgotten. The death of my child has left me emotionally and spiritually shattered. It will take time to put the pieces together again, to rebuild relationships. But when things get really bad, knowing there is a friend who cares may be all I need to tip the balance in favour of recovery. Written by Elspeth Ludemann. First published in "North and South" (New Zealand) in March 1991).
____________________________________________________
This
Site has been designed for 800x600 resolution and Macromedia
Flash Player 5.
________________________________________________________________________________
