THE SOUL EATERS

An allegory

Stephen M. Larson

She came to me in a dream. I'd never seen her before, but I knew her immediately. I was certain it was her indescribable beauty that unsettled me when I looked upon her. She reached for me with a smile of welcome recognition, and I knew that we had been lovers for a long time. But she stopped before I could embrace her, fear and revulsion marring her exotic features. She looked beyond me, and I suddenly knew, without turning, Who stood at my shoulder.

"She is lovely, isn't she?" He asked.

"She is,", I replied cautiously, for His voice was cool and faintly ironic.

"You don't think so?" He asked.

I hesitated, then asked, "Why does she fear You?"

"Because I can see her."

"But I see her, too, yet she doesn't fear me."

"You see only her appearance. I see her truly."

I dreaded what might happen, but my curiosity drove me to ask, "How can I truly see her?"

"You can't."

"But--"

"Not with your own eyes. Look at her with My eyes."

I was going to ask how I could do that, when I felt something like the wings of a dove brush my eyelids. I blinked. The light grew brighter, the colours around me became almost dazzling. I looked eagerly at her, then recoiled, sick and afraid. She was still beautiful, but her beauty was somehow twisted and tainted, a perfect piece of fruit rotting beneath the skin.

"What happened to her?" I gasped.

"Nothing," he replied gently. "That is how she has always been."

I remembered the many times I'd held her to my heart, and cried, "How could I be so stupid?"

His voice was sad. "You're not alone. See?"

I looked and saw many other men and women around me, each with a beautiful or handsome lover, each of the lovers with the same defiled glory of the creature before me. I turned away, but He stopped me. "Look," He urged.

I hesitated, then did as He'd commanded--and nearly fainted. For I saw my brothers and sisters embracing these creatures, even as I had done. And I saw the creatures attack them with a horrifying savagery. Their delicate fingers or strong sculpted hands were now talons that ripped open flesh and bone and tore the living hearts from their victims; their lips and cheeks were red, not with the blush of love, but with dripping blood; their cries were not those of lovers in rapture but of animals in the frenzy of their feeding. Yet their victims, far from writhing in agony, seemed scarcely to notice. Some perhaps, looked a little uncomfortable, but most welcomed this butchery.

And then I was further amazed. For each of the creatures finished its grisly feast and turned away, sated, leaving its victim seemingly untouched! Most victims simply walked away, some with smiles that seemed satisfied yet rang hollow, some with troubled faces as though uncertain of what had happened. A few bled slowly or wept, but even they seemed to recover after a while.

I looked back at the creature I had loved. It glared at me and my Companion, and I suddenly saw the flecks of dried blood at the corners of its cruel, beautiful lips and beneath its immaculately manicured, razor-sharp nails, and I realized that what I'd just seen had happened also to me--not once, but many times. "How?!" I cried. "How can any of us still be alive?!"

"What you've seen," He whispered, "happens not in your flesh, but in your spirit. It is not your physical heart that this creature devours, but the heart that I have given you. And it is not the blood in your veins that stains its mouth and claws, but your soul."

"What is this foul creature?" I backed away from it, shuddering.

"You have seldom thought it foul."

"What? How could anyone think anything else?"

"But you have only now begun to truly see it. Indeed, you still see beauty in it. You've embraced it and others like it often; some nearly every day."

And suddenly I understood what this creature was, and I was ashamed, for I'd welcomed it eagerly into my life. Indeed, if it stayed too long away from me, I'd willingly sought it. The horror of what I'd done jolted me awake, and I swore, as I lay in the dark, never to have anything more to do with the beast.

I don't know how many nights passed, when He once again came to me. I welcomed Him, and showed Him how I'd locked the creature away in a deep cell. I waited for His approval, but He merely said, "Come."

And suddenly we were in a place like a dungeon, with cells beyond numbering. Though each was blocked by a heavy stone door, I could see in each cell one of the creatures, chained to the wall.

"Are all of these mine?" I asked, trembling.

"No," He said. "Watch."

I turned and saw other men and women like myself descending the steps into the dungeon. Some bore creatures that squirmed and bit as they were thrown into empty cells and locked away. Many more, however, came empty-handed. Some of these came and peered into the cells and turned away with expressions of revulsion or regret or even longing. Others came and looked for a while, then slowly unlocked the cells and entered and joined with the creatures. I was horrified, but then I looked again at the creatures and suddenly saw them as their jailers did. Some retained a foul air; these the men and women approached with trembling and loathing even as they embraced them. Others, however, had resumed their beauty, if only for a short while. Then I saw them again as they truly were and watched as the creatures once again feasted on the spirits of the jailers, and I knew that the creatures were almost as much captors as captives. And when it was over, many of the men and women left with tears of self-loathing; but some left with dry eyes and neglected to lock the chains and doors, and the creatures soon followed them and left the cells empty.

And then He brought me back to the cell I had created, and I knew that what I'd seen in the dungeon had happened here as well, for the walls and floor were stained with red. And I fell to my knees and wept for the utter futility of my efforts, for I knew I would never be strong enough to keep my creatures locked safely away.

iii

Last night I saw her again. I stood at the open door of the cell, trembling and sweating. I saw no sign of the creature in her; only ravishing beauty, bound with chains, pleading silently for release. I clung to the door, knowing what she was, yet desiring her, aware that if I released her I would forever be her captive.

"I can help you."

I'd been so engulfed in my own struggle that I hadn't even felt His approach.

"Yes," I whispered. "Help me."

In an instant the cell vanished, and she stood free, watching us warily.

"What have you done?!" I cried. "My walls! My chains! They're gone!"

"They were but illusions," He explained gently, "with only temporary power."

"Then give me permanent walls and chains!"

"That would solve nothing."

"Then how am I to stand against her?!"

"Look behind you."

I turned and saw a woman dressed in mail with a sword by her side. I thought she'd been sent to slay my creature for me, but she didn't see me. She warily watched a man of incredible beauty and strength approach, and I realized that she, like me, had her own creatures. But instead of locking him away, she drew her sword. He bared his teeth, and they were like fangs; he raised his hands, and his claws were long and sharp. He threw himself at her, but she blocked him with her shield. She was still learning to use her weapons; many of his blows eluded her defenses. But most merely glanced off her helmet and breastplate. She seemed to have forgotten her sword, but then she began to wield it, and, though her blows were slow and clumsy, her attacker fell back in terror. He seemed to fear even the slightest approach of that bright blade. Then one of her blows finally landed. I thought it would do little more than scratch him, but where it touched his unholy flesh, light flashed and consumed him, leaving only his unearthly shriek ringing in the air.

"That is how to fight the creatures that would devour your spirit," my Companion murmured to me.

"But I have no weapons!" I protested. "No armour!"

"You have what I've given you," He replied.

I looked down at myself, astounded, for I was indeed clothed in armour, with a shield on my left arm and a sword on my left hip. "But," I said, "I don't know how to use these things!"

"Just use them," He urged, "and don't worry about your skill, for the more you use them, the better you'll be."

I touched the hilt of the sword. "Will this destroy them forever?"

"Some creatures, it will. Others will return. But never give in. Fight the good fight, and when you are wounded, or when your adversary wins a battle, don't hide your wounds from Me. Come, and I will heal you and prepare you for your next battle. And if you persevere, some day I will win the war, and your battles will be done. Now, go. Be courageous, for I fight at your side, though you may not feel Me or see Me. And remember: The victory is Mine!"

I turned to face my enemy, but before I could draw my sword, the dream had ended. Yet I know who she is, and I know my other enemies, and I know they will come to me in the day, disguised in many ways. And I know now that I have armour and a weapon, though I may not see them, and that I have a commander Who will never abandon me on the field of battle!

THE END