Annette's Journey

Well, it's a brand new start for all of us.  I feel like I have goofed off most of last year.  My weight is much higher going in to this year.  I wieghed on my scale this morning, and it was 321.1.  Looks like I am up about 7 pounds from the last time I went to a meeting, which was sometime in November.  Last year at this time, I weighed 286, so I have definitely been going in the wrong direction.  Time to make a HUGE u-turn.

I need to start tracking my food again.  When I first started, I was "Little Miss Perfect Weight Watcher", and I journaled everything.  For about the last six months, I have journaled nothing.  I have tried to start again, but even though my head told me I had to, my heart was never in it. 

I'm trying to look at today as a new beginning, and trying so hard to get back that "Newbie Feeling".  Hope I can make it through the day.

The day after Christmas, our family decided to take a littlle shopping trip.  Since there were several of us going, I knew some of us were going to have to sit in the very back of my husband's SUV.  When we went out to get in my husband was already in, and I was the next one out there. I opened the door, and was folding the back seat down.  My husband asked me, "are you getting back there? "  And I said, "you know, I feel like I can, and I'm going to try."   I climbed in, and was able to get back there!

That is the first time I have ever sat in the 3rd row. I laughed out loud. It made me feel so happy. My sister came and got in beside of me, and asked me what I was laughing about, and I explained that was the first time, I was ever able to get back there, and then I ended up crying. I was laughing and crying, just happy to be able to move around.

Wow, what a whirlwind year it has been.  Last year at this time, I would never have thought that I would or could be where I am at today.  When I joined WW last March, I never thought that I could really do it, but thanks to my awesome leader, and all of my fantastic WW friends, and the inspiration from the 200+ board., I am in a new place.

Last December 5, I weighed 445 pounds at my doctor's office.  I was on oxygen 24/7, gasping for every breath that I took, and on top of that lots of meds including 4 injections per day for diabetes.  One year later, I have lost a total of 160 pounds.  I no longer have to use oxygen, and can easily move about without gasping for air.  I am also off of all the injections, and several of my other meds, have been either reduced or completely eliminated. 

I am so thankful for the place that I'm at right now.  No, I have not arrived, nor will I feel that I have ever arrived.  This journey is for the rest of my life.  It is something that I have to keep on the front burner.  I have learned that I NEED to attend meetings.  I NEED to interact with others who are going through the same struggles as me.  I NEED to weigh in, and have some kind of accountability for it.  I NEED to track my food, plan out my day, and enter everything that goes in my mouth.  There is no finish line, this will just be part of my routine forever.

There are so many things that have changed for me over the last year.  Recently, I threw my seatbelt extender in the trash.  I did not want to ever have to use it again.  Oh man, it felt so good to get rid of that thing.  Also, the joy of going to a restaurant, and being able to sit anywhere is unexplainable.  A few days ago, I had a dental appointment, and I even sat there and was so happy about the way I could now fit comfortably in the dentist chair.  It didn't even bother me, when he laid the chair all the way back.  Before, I struggled to breath, and felt like I was standing on my head.

I can now do the laundry.  Last year, I couldn't even make it to the laundry room, carrying a basket, and then putting it in to start, was just out of the question.  Now, I celebrate doing the laundry.  Also, I got to the point where I had to use the motorized carts when we would go shopping.  It was either ride one of those or just sit in the truck, while my husband did everything by himself.  I am so thankful to the stores who have made those available to their customers, as they totally changed my life.  Now, I can go to any of the stores, and walk around the whole store, load my purchases in the car, come home and unload, carry them in, and put them away.  One year ago, I struggled to make it from my living room to my bedroom.  And taking a shower was pure misery.  Sometimes, I would wonder if I was going to make it, without collapsing in the floor.

My husband has been my rock through all of this.  I don't know how I would have ever survived without him.  It feels so good, that now I can do things for him, and he doesn't have to come home from work, and cook, clean, and do laundry, because now I can do that.

I still want to lose over 100 pounds, and I have no idea how long it will take me to do it, but no matter what, I will keep on keeping on.

This morning while I was getting ready to go to my WW meeting, I was thinking, would this be the day.  Would this be the day that I make it to a place that I haven't been for a long time?  As usual, I got ready, and then stepped on the Wii Fit to see what my weight was.  (I do not like to weigh during the week, because I think it messes too much with my head.)  Well, when I stepped on, of course it made it's usual obnoxious sound of Ohhhh!!!   So, I go on to complete the body test, and my weight registers at exactly 300 pounds.  Not 299.9, not 300.1, but 300!  All I could do was stand there and tell it no, no, no!!!    So, I still didn't know how that would match up with the WW scale, so there is always hope, right?

So, I get to my meeting, and there were several of my buds that knew I was at 301 last week, and they had already weighed in, so I thought they had gone on in to our meeting room. When I was about to step on the scale, I noticed it got all quiet in there. I turned around and there they all stood waiting patiently. I said, what are y'all doing? And they let me know they were waiting for the results.   So when I stepped on, my leader ran over to the computer to watch, and she started cheering, and then they all joined in. It was so sweet! 

It feels great to be here! I haven't been at this weight since at least 1984, so this is a whole new ballgame for me.  Life is good, and only going to get better!!! 

Fitting into booths has been a thorn in my side for quite some time.  There is always the dreaded fear of going to a new restaurant and finding out they only have booths.    When you enter the restuarant, the first thing you do is start scoping out the dining area to see if they have both tables and booths.  When you see a table, you can breath a sigh of relief because at least you know you will have somewhere to sit.  

But then how many tables do they have, and how long are we going to have to wait?  I don't know how many times we have sat there and waited and waited and waited while countless people are being seated that arrived way after us, but didn't have a booth problem.  And it's even worse, if you are with friends and family.  It just makes you feel so bad, that everyone is having to wait, just because you don't fit.

I have gone to many places where I did not have that option, and just had to deal with it.  I have sat in a booth, with the table pushing so hard into my stomach, that I was just miserable.  And I guess the most embarrassing is to have a chair added at the end of the booth, where you are stuck out in the aisle, while everyone else is seated in the booth.    Recently I have experienced some victories in this area, so I just wanted to write about it here. 

The first one was at Mickey D's when we went there for dinner.  I never try to sit in a booth there, and always choose the table and chairs to sit in.  Well, my husband went to order our food, and the dining room was not crowded, so I decided to give it a try.  I sat down in one of the booths, and to my surprise, I FIT!!!  I was so excited.  

A few days later we went to Steak n Shake.  This was our first time to go in this restaurant. So when I walked in the door, I immediately started to scan the dining area to see what I was going to have to face.  I saw the tables, and said to myself, oh good, both tables and booths.  The host came to seat us, and I almost always tell them, that we need a table, but for some reason I didn't.  Well when he took us to be seated, he started walking toward the booths.    Panic set in!   I was thinking to myself, oh no, he is taking us to the booths.  Can't he tell by looking at me that we need a table?  So as we are walking to the booths, my next thing to check out was to see if the table or booth would scoot.  Nope, everything was attached.  I was really nervous.  He laid the menus down on the table and motioned for us to sit down.  I just decided to bite the bullet and give it a try, even though it was very crowded in there, and oh my how embarrassing.  But I just slid right in, no worries.  Oh wow, that really made me feel good!!!  

The next venture was to Chick-Fil-A.  This is a safe place, as they have both tables and booths, and the booths move, so no problems here, but I still always choose to stay safe and sit at a table.  Well my husband went to order our food, and I don't know what came over me, but I thought I would give the booth a try, and it worked again.  I didn't have to move anything.  When my husband came to sit down, he said, look at you sitting in a booth.  I just sit there and smiled great big.  

This is only the beginning of booth victories for me, as there are still places that I would not even attempt at this time, but it will be a sweet victory, when all booths are no longer an issue.  

When I went to my weigh in yesterday, I had 4 pounds to go to make it to 100. I was so nervous. Last week I had a big loss, so I was afraid that I would have a gain. I tried to prepare myself for anything.

My leader, Donna, weighed me in. All of a sudden I noticed it got so quiet in there. It was almost as if time was standing still. The scales at my center are hooked up directly to the computer, and you cannot see what the results are. Whoever weighs you in, discreetly hands you your weight loss book, so you can look at it without everyone knowing. Well, I stepped on the scale, and it seemed like it took forever for it to register, and then all of a sudden Donna started screaming, YES, YES, YES!!! I knew it was good news, and I thought that I was going to cry.

Then during our meeting, she gave out all of our weekly awards, and recognized everyone's weight loss. I was last, and she called me up front. I was so nervous that I thought my legs would buckle. I was thinking please don't let me just drop in front of all of these people.

I can't tell you how great it felt to stand up there with my leader, celebrating my journey, so far. I know I still have a long ways to go, but it just keeps getting better and better.

I want to thank each and everyone of you on the 200+ message board. I came on this board as a lurker to begin with. I was so scared to make that first post, but after reading for a few days, I decided I just had to join in. You all have shared your lives with me since March of this year. I feel like I know so many of you. The support, inspiration, and encouragement received from this board is beyond words.

So to all who have shared on this board, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I look forward to traveling down the road with all of you for the next 100.

Big HUGS!!!