... and why women prefer cavemen...
This post was posted on another of my industry blogs, and came about as a joke between my husband, myself, and some of my writer friends. Hope you'll enjoy it!
Ever read all those articles in women's mags, where relationship and snagging a man are concerned? Those glossy pages are rife with them. But do they work?A big consideration which should enter into play here is - What type of guy are we talking about?Personal experience has taught me there are 2 major types of men - the caveman and the metrosexual. 2 ends of a spectrum.Brief description:Metrosexual - Targetted in magazines for 'body maintenance' products (mind you, NOT beauty products!) which will guarantee he doesn't have a shiny-as-neon-lights-forehead after a few hours in an air-conditioned office. Wears clothes with a stylish cut, wears 'in' colours and styles, goes to the top-notch designer boutiques, and takes a shower not in water but cologne or fragance. Knows he must smell good, so you can smell him from a mile away. Oh, gets regular haircuts, blow dries, and uses a yoghurt-sized tub of hair gel on his perfect mane every day. And, the one thing he should never forget - wears clean boxers/briefs every day (even if he needs to open a new packet of CK underwear every other day).Well, not being mean here, but he is worth it, isnt he?Caveman: The only body maintenance product he'll get close to is a bar of soap, and that too, one which doesn't smell. Razors are a thing for sissies - who needs a jaw as a smooth as a gal's, eh?? His wardrobe consists of some staples - a couple pair of jeans, some shirts, usually flannel or low-thread count cotton (oh for hell's sake, it's just cotton, woman! Why the fuss?). His one big compromise - a slightly dressy shirt which will have him look 'decent' enough to not be thrown out of that wedding his girl has dragged him to. And, uh, clean underwear? You gotta be kidding! Who has the inclination to smother the family jewels in a chastity-belt-like fabric contraption? Just gotta be careful with the denim's zipper, that's all!Okay, these are two ends of the spectrum. The ideal man (if he exists!) is somewhere in between those 2 ends. And I'll admit I'd prefer the real man to be somewhere close to the cavemen end!But the startling discovery is this - most women, especially after having crossed into second half of their twenties, prefer a caveman!Alpha heroes in romance abound. Ever asked yourself why? And to come back to the descriptions I used, I've got my own take on the matter. I'll also go back to the articles in women's mags.Scenario 1 - If you want to catch your guy's attention, make him jealous. Flirt with someone else, play hard to get, etc.Works? Not exactly.The Caveman has no time for games. You want to go look elsewhere sugar, go ahead, door's wide open. Frankly, we'd expect a hero to act this way.Metrosexual actually might be more concerned about this potential rival's cut of clothes and overall physique than really noticing his girl is looking elsewhere.Scenario 2 - Ladies, you CAN change your man!Works? Yes, in case you know how to challenge utopia.Caveman is one riddled with principles and values, with a set view and perspective on the world. He knows what he wants, doesn't always know how to get it, but will do his best. Forget his small annoying habits, that's part and parcel of the package deal when you take him on. A man not easily swayed... Hero material. Doesn't budge on his stand, it's take-it-or-leave-it, honey.Metrosexual - what can you expect of a man who bases his whole wardrobe on what is coming out in the Spring-Summer collection on the runways? Can he easily be convinced you are stale too? Villain material IMO. Also, a 'meaningful' conversation with him could amount to discussing the pros and cons of the latest wrinkle-effacing cream on the market. Uhm, we have girlfriends for that, thanks!So where does our version of the eligible caveman reside?He's a man now easily swayed, we said that. Strong morals, values, principles (which the metrosexual too can have deep down under his 'shallow' veneer!). Quirky habits - potential for always keeping you on your toes, that's always good (good outlet for PMS frustration!). Appearance wise... Uhm, wide potential for improvement, a woman's real challenge - how to reconcile him to a razor, and if you're not so lucky, to deodorant! Might need to pull him a tad down the metrosexual end on this aspect. Deep down though, we know our caveman is a real man from MAN, Inc. and we gush over that!And, the caveman is usually big and strappy, so no hopes of him ever ending up in your wardrobe to grab that unisex shirt you just bought at H&M for a night out on the town!Truth be told? Cavemen make us feel dainty and feminine (metrosexuals strike me as competition!). Feminists, don't start to bristle! But isn't it every girl's secret dream to be wooed by a man from MAN, Inc.?The caveman makes us feel cherished, and his love is not fickle. He'll go out of his way to protect his woman, prevent any harm from falling on her, and frankly, sometimes the whole he-takes-control aspect can be a huge relief.Tell me now? Don't we want the heroes we create to emulate our deepest projection of the ideal man?Strong, Alpha men - aren't they (unfortunately at times) our lifeline?
Might seem strange that I’ve waited for the middle of summer to make my comeback from harsh winter. Don’t ask me the reason ’coz I too seem to be lost in trying to find an explanation.
Other than to say that life butted in, I have no big excuse. First there was studies and exam preparation, then there was a huge backlog to catch up with, and then the holidays struck in, meaning vacation for kids and no time at all for moms other than to try to retain some sense of sanity.
But all these are excuses. Why not pull my head out of the sand and look at the real reason? Wanna know it?
Writer’s block!
There, I’ve said the dreaded word. I’ve been stuck with a real bad case of writer’s block. The WIP I’m currently working on is the same one I was with since 2007 started. Yup, 2007, and we’re already one month down in 2008. Not too proud of myself here. But what can I do?
All I’ve tried to do has failed. My writing process took a blow. Heavy plotter that I am, everything seemed to work on the plotting board. But not on paper/screen. Find avenues to unclog? Found, but these too didn’t ‘click’. Every new direction I’ve tried to give the story, it met with a dead end. In the end, it was going some way, but one which got too hard for me.
I’m loathe to say I had to concede defeat. A writer is supposed to be able to write, right? And a writer who has imagination should be able to write everything. I mean, how hard can it be, right? Everyone will ask that.
But here’s where everyone is wrong. Not everyone is cut for writing everything. I have to say I am limited to writing light stuff. I cannot pride myself in writing ‘heavy’ stuff, ’coz when I tried, I failed miserably.
So, there you have it – I’m a failure...
WRONG!!! No one is a failure, ever! I found out that I’m cut out for some stuff but not for others. How did the saying go? – Jack of all trades but master of none?
Too many authors fall in this trap. They want to be able to write everything and be good at it. Wanna take the challenge? Fine with me, go ahead. But be prepared to have your spirit bruised along the way. Best to be master of something and not know much of all trades.
There is always the trap of writing the same thing over and over again, but evading it is where you become the real master of your area.
So here I am now trying to master my area of craft. I know I won’t be able to write dark, heavy stuff, at least not right now. So instead of fighting it, I have to go with the flow and work as my mind allows me to work.
So the WIP is taking a new direction, one I hope to be able to sustain throughout until I get to ‘The End’.
On another note, there may just be a new release for me this year, Book 2 of the Hemant sisters’ series, which tells the story of Diya, Lara’s (heroine of ‘The Other Side’) youngest sister. Titled ‘Light My World’, it tells the comedic and eventful journey of spirited Diya as she tries to find Prince Charming and love in modern-day Mauritius.
There you have my update. Hoping to be back and to stay now! Cheers all, and belated Happy New Year 2008!
...that can slowly creep up. Or, one day, it could simply explode.
What am I talking about? It’s about abuse.
In my last post, I spoke about the lack of enthusiasm I experienced over my current book. I didn’t want to go on, didn’t want to write. I wanted to shove it away somewhere far and never be bothered to look at it again.
I’ve never, ever felt this way about anything really. So why was I so worked up about this?
Maybe it would help to point out that, at the point in the novel I had reached, the heroine, this woman whom I have been “giving life” to for the past 7 months or so, is a victim of abuse. I had to get her through scenes of violence, give her reactions, and portray her plight, her anguish, her sorrow.
Doing this is knackering. It drained the very life out of me. Setting up for the scenes in the book was hard work, especially emotionally. I balked from it. Why? It comes down to one word: Abuse.
How many people out there are living in the hell of abuse? In some cases, it cannot even be said to be “living”. Some pray for death. Some take it by their own hands. Some run away. Some fight back.
I have always had a strong attitude on the issue of abuse. I simply cannot stand this idea. Defenseless people being hit and victimized just to cater to someone else’s whims and ego trips? Give me a break! How can anyone allow this?
Abuse is something perfidious. Perverted. Wrong. It has no right to exist, and should have no place to exist.
That has always been my opinion. But I never really knew to what extent it exists.
Having to research this issue for a realistic portrayal in my story, it staggered me to come across the real situation of abuse out there. Actually, like all the people working against abuse tell you, what you see is actually the tip of the iceberg. Many, many cases remain unreported. Statistics of abuse are horrifying. At least 4 out of every 10 deaths, of women, is a result of abuse.
I always thought abuse meant being hit, kicked, and the likes. Physical assaults. But I was wrong. Abuse is much more than that. It can be emotional, turning one’s life into a hell woven through snide remarks and other comments that slowly undermine self-esteem. Abuse can be sexual, as in forced intercourse or unwilling involvement in activities of such nature. Abuse can be literally life-threatening, as in armed threats to one’s life, or silent poisoning. Abuse can also be about using economic power to hold someone in one’s grip.
Abuse’s aim is to keep control over someone else. As soon as the abusive person feels himself/herself losing control, he/she will strike to win the upper hand.
I’m afraid to say, abuse is an issue no one can, or has the right to, turn their back upon. Involvement is key. If no effort is made to eradicate it, nothing will happen.
By involvement I don’t mean everyone should go out and start helping in shelters and refuges. If you can, and are willing to, please go ahead. But help in any way you can. It takes one step to start every journey, and why not make your step, one step further along the way?
I am not doing much, I admit. For the time being, I can, and am simply trying to, raise awareness. The kind of life I live, I do not have actual free time to dedicate to hands-on help. Yet, I am gonna try do my part, at least start this way for now.
On one of my friend’s loops, I came across someone who helped create and manage a web site catering to victims of abuse. The site is called WINGS. Here’s what it is about:
Mission Statement
W.I.N.G.S. is for just about anyone who is down and out and needs lifted up. We strive to provide the most up to date and accurate information available. Our goal is to enlighten and inform. No matter your plight, we shall endeavor to search for the most readily available resources to help end your sufferings.
Creed
We are a star in the Abyss of abuse and neglect. As such we need to radiate brightly and let our rays of information brighten the lives of others.
I was really amazed by what this as-yet-newborn site is striving to achieve. It called at me, and I recognized it as a wonderful opportunity to give back. It was thus with no surprise that I found myself actively seeking membership.
For the sake of all the people out there suffering at the hands of abuse, I wish each one of you who comes across this blog post chooses to do something, however little or insignificant it might seem like. It is only while joining forces and stringing little bits together that we can make a bigger difference.
Get a Free Blog Site at Freewebs.com!
