I never had an issue with weight. Ok well that's until I had my son and then I left an abusive relationship. I left with the lowest self esteem and self worth possible.
As a teenager, I was 160, athletic and feeling great but then came graduation and a whole new ball game! I did great until I met my son's father in 1998 and we went out to eat every day for lunch and went to see a movie every single night (thank goodness for $2 movie theaters). It didn't catch up with me until after I had my son in 1999 but it still makes me think I should have curbed some of my unhealthy habits before then.
I got pregnant in Jan 1999 and gained 53 lbs during my pregnancy. I ate healthy but my thyroid problems sky rocketed. I left my son's father in December 1999 when my son was just 2 months old. I lived in an abusive relationship for 3 years and no longer wanted to do so, his last opportunity to make things right happened when he kicked me in my stomach when I was 9 months pregnant. I refused to live a life being afraid or allowing my son to see what some men treat women like. My son, Brennan Lee, gave me the courage to walk away. I spent so much time being scared of being hit, yelled at that I was afraid to be me and was not even sure who that person was anymore. I had taken enough abuse to last me a lifetime but needless to say, he left me with low self esteem and confidence. I didn't leave the house until my son was 3 years old, I didn't hang out with friends or go anywhere.
I went back to college in September 2000 and started to gain a little self esteem but not much. I always wanted to get my college degree and I desparetely needed to get out of the house. My mom kept encouraging me to watch my weight and quit getting McDonalds on my way home from class but I didn't listen or care. I felt like a nobody and really I was... I was lost in a world of hate, sorrow, and depression.
Finally in January 2003 I took the plunge and joined WW here in MN and was shocked to see that I weighed 220.6- YIKES! Well I was a slow loser but that didn't matter to me because I figured with my thyroids out of whack that I was just destined to reach my goal way after everybody else. I finally hit goal in June 2004 weighing in at 164 lbs, when I hit lifetime in August, I weighed 162- 58.6 lbs gone forever.
My kid enjoyed the new me- I was known as the cool mom, I was the crazy mom you would see climbing through the tubes at McDonalds or running around playing tag with all the kids on the playground. I felt at times my son had a hard time keeping up with me because I had so much energy!
I went from a size 18 or 20, to a solid 10. I was feeling great! My mom bought me a whole new summer wardrobe as my congratulations gift. It felt great but I was still determined to lose another 20 lbs but be able to do it for free. Well like some other ww members I know, we felt like we could do this on our own. BIG mistake. I started a new relationship a few months later and was able to maintain my weight loss for the first 6 months despite my boyfriend telling me I should gain 20 pounds (since he liked full figured women, something I was not). Well after 6 months I guess you can say I got comfortable in my relationship and let myself go a bit. I gained 18 lbs in 6 short months. I was so ashamed of myself, another summer came and all the clothes my mom bought for me the year before no longer fit.
At the end of the summer and after a horrible break-up, I was determined to get fit once again so I started a challenge on the ww board and it went fabulous. I love challenges because it helps keep me accountable with a wonderful group of ladies that know exactly what I am going through. I have met so many wonderful ladies on this journey. I have been back to goal once again and lost it again when I went through a whirlwind of events in my life. It is no excuse because life is life and I should know better but I am determined to stay in the mindset that I will achieve my ww goal and also make it to my personal goal.
My self esteem is still low but each day I work on it more and more. I am determined to reach my own personal goal of size 8 and I don't really have a weight goal because it will be whatever a size 8 will get me. I am proud to say that I have a pair of 8 pants that fits- WHOHOO!
I didn't start this journey saying I wanted to be the hottest chick in the bar, or the cutest girl at the mall- I wanted to be healthy and fit again. I wanted to love me again and I finally do. I am so happy that I decided to take this journey. I learned so much about me and the tools for living. I can have all the things that I have always loved to eat but I just need to eat in moderation. I find after I cut them out of my diet, I didn't really crave them anymore so major plus (even though I am finding giving up Mountain Dew is not 100% possible but I guess we can't be perfect right?!)
In July I had the privilege to meet many ww members- Stef, Grover, Sheila, Amy, and Heather. It was so much fun! We ran in 96 degree weather but we rocked the race and it felt great. I didn't care for my HOT red face in any of the photos but it was definitely a weekend I will always remember.
I have developed many close friendships with a great number of them and I treasure each one of them. Thanks to everyone for making such a difference in my life, I hope we are friends for many years to come and eventually I can meet each of you!
Love,
Jaime
Make a free website at Freewebs.com